No alarms and no surprises, please.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Free Pass to Shag Meme

I've been tagged by Tracy with a salacious little meme. And just like that the blogging slumber is over. I've been pretty busy, both at work and at home. But I'm never too busy to objectify the ladies.

Here's the rules:

Which brings me to my Question - what five famous people would you want listed in the contract that your significant other had to forgive you if, you know, you just happened to meet them and you just happened to hit it off and they just happened to express interest in some hot, shallow monkey sex?

To be candid, I find myself without a significant other for the first time in 11 years or so. So I don't need a list. But this process is fun as hell. It is interesting to me that as I get older my taste in women ages with me. Unlike, say, Toast

In reverse, countdown-style order.

5) Linda Carter

Today is Linda's birthday - She's 57. Jesu-cristo look at that fucking picture. She was an unbelievably beautiful woman as I went through adolesence and she's forever etched into my brain. I watched Wonder Woman every week and I was in love with her. She's on this list at 57 and will be on it at 80. If it were 1981, she'd be #1 thru 5 on this list.

4) Rachel Weisz

Jeez. Smart. Beautiful. Hot British accent. I adored her in the Constant Gardner, Confidence, About a Boy. And as you can see, I would totally defy the Will of God and eat that apple to get with her.

3) Jennifer Connolly

She was beautiful at 16 in Labyrinth and she's still beautiful now. I almost had trouble watching "Little Children" (great movie, BTW) because she plays a wife who is cheated upon by her bored house husband. How the hell can anyone cheat on her?

2) Scarlett Johansson

One of these is not like the others. This is the only under-35 entry on my list. As I mentioned earlier, the age of the women that I find sexy has grown older with me. Also, I prefer brunettes. This is the exception. Beautiful and curvy. Beautiful face with intelligence in the eyes. Sexy voice. The entire package helps me get over the fact that she was 2 when I got my driver's license.

1) Jennifer Garner

In an alternate, more stalker-ish universe, Jennifer Garner and I are together. And she's a Yankee fan instead of having been Afflecked into Red Sox nation. And also I didn't knock her up just in time screw up the final season of Alias.

Seriously, though, she's gorgeous. She seems very cool and easy going. And something about the sweet Sydney Bristow side and the sexy bad-ass spy she played on Alias worked for me on just so many levels. There's just something about her that I really love. And I must truly be into her if I sat through Catch and Release on cable - twice.

Honorable mentions:
1) CT channel 8's Sonia Baghdaddy - she's the only reason I watch local news
2) Pam Anderson - one wild night in the gutter!
3) Cheryl Hines from Curb Your Enthusiasm
4) Kimberly Jones - Former NY Giant beat reporter now YES sideline reporter.
So, there ya go.
5) Marisa Tomei - never used to like her at her popularity peak, but she's positively MILFy now.
6) Catherine Zeta Jones

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Movie Review - W A L L - E

I took the fridge-spawn to see Wall-E last night and left amazed. And by amazed, I don't mean in love with the movie. Simply amazed. This is not the typical Pixar fare. This is the most subversive kids movie since the first Willie Wonka. Can a movie be a kids movie, a robot love story, an ecological parable and a scathing critique of American society? Apparently yes.

I'm not gonna recount the plot of the story because it's just not as interesting as the ways in which this movie is a truly unusual experience (if you want that, this review gives it to ya). So, here are those "unusual ways" - bullet point style.

  • the first half of the film has almost no dialog. Wall-E only knows one word and that's his name. He learns another from his love-interest EvE - her name. She apparently only knows a couple others "Plant" and "Directive". The first half of the movie is nearly a silent film. Given the proclivity of most science fiction directors to pound our ears in with tedious exposition, this is an amazingly interesting and refreshing choice. The funniest description I've read of this is "Cormac McCarthy for kids!"

    sidebar: The flip-side of this becomes clear when you take a 4 year old and a 6 year old to watch a movie. In the absence of this dialog, these children will have many, many very loud questions. You may discuss whispering and why it's important at a theater when you can talk loudly at home.

  • Imagine the Pixar movie story meetings. "So wait, we're gonna make a movie for kids? You know, which typically are advertised with Happy Meals and often simply vehicles to sell toys. But, we're gonna use it to destroy the "LayZBoy-Box Store" American lifestyle? Really?"

    Truly a startling choice. This movie is practically Idiocracy for the toddler set. Incredible, really.

  • It all works. The target audience ("my kids") loved it. They were shocked and dismayed when all the people left the earth because of the garbage and pollution and they were elated and were elated when the people came back to earth to live. And they laughed and cheered for Wall-E all along the way. Truly remarkable. They don't know they just watched a movie that eviscerates the society they enjoy. At least today they don't. But that message will sink in and as they watch these movies over and over again as they grow up that message will surely sink in.

    I was intrigued when in 2006, Pixar decided they would no longer cross-promote with fast food companies. That's a small step for them to do if they want to make a difference. This movie is a big step. Pixar is using it's super powers to try and do good. Surely this will piss some people off. I'm fascinated by it.

    I'm not gonna give Wall-E a glib rating. I'm still too perplexed by how I feel about it. I definitely enjoyed parts of it greatly. I definitely was stung by some of the criticism when it hit home. Do I want Pixar movies that have such strong messages? Or do I just want entertainment from them? I dunno. Like all Pixar movies, it's very well done with amazing animation, but I can't decide how much I like it. I think I like that about the film the most.