buzzingfridge

2010 Yankees Preview

2010-04-03T22:21:00.012-04:00

Due to the overwhelming demand flooding my inbox (two people actually), I hereby unretire this blog to forecast the coming 162 game World Series Championship defense by the New York Yankees. First, let's look at how I did with my 2009 predictions.

2009 Prediction in Review
Rotation - "So, the Yankees bought reliability in the rotation and now the only real question mark is Joba Chamberlain... There will be no more Sidney Ponson sightings, except for perhaps the visitor's dugout. "

That was true in the spring, but then the Wanger never was able to return from his leg injury. Having been held together with duct tape and bailing wire from two minor league surgeries, it's not that surprising I guess he couldn't stay healthy. Yankees did get 130 starts from CC-AJ-Andy-Joba and really Wanger falling apart was the only thing that went wrong last year. No Ponson, but we did get a nice dose of Mitre and Gaudin. Didn't hurt the team. Champions!

Bullpen - "I predict a bit of a shuttle from Scranton to the Bronx and there will be some turnover. But bullpen management really is a strength for Girardi, so I feel confident that the Yanks will find some combination of arms that works for them by crunch time in late summer. "

I was mostly right about this. LOTS of turnover and frankly, there was no stability to be found for most of the year. Bruney and Marte were hurt, Coke regressed, Melancon sucked and only Robertson (lots of ability - 13+Ks per nine)and Aceves were contributors, but were inconsistent. It wasn't until Phil Hughes was moved to the pen that things settled down. And boy did they. Hughes was nothing less than an elite setup man. Still, in the postseason, Girardi had to lean on the ageless Mo Rivera heavily, bringing back the multi inning save that made Mo better than any other closer in baseball. So, a workable combination was found but it was Hughes and Mo with Marte coming from nowhere to strike out Ryan Howard. More depth would be nice.

Lineup - "Teixeira is better than Giambi in every single possible way. I think the amount of an upgrade will be staggering and his defense will make our infield much better. Swisher is the bench bat that the Yankees didn't have last year, causing them to use guys like Morgan Ensberg, Justin Christian, Richie Sexson to fill-in in the outfield and at first. He'll have that covered and also presents a good piece of trade bait if a trade is needed to shore up the pen. Gardner replaces Melky and should be a slight upgrade defensively."

I was 2 out of 3 here. Teix was a ridiculous upgrade over Giambi and carried the team for a solid stretch last year. Swish was a huge bench upgrade who lost out to Xavier Nady only to get to play because Nady blew out his elbow (I'll bet half the Yankee fans forget that considering what a fan favorite Swish became so quickly). Gardner didn't replace Melky. Melky hung on to his gig and had a solid season while Gardner mostly was a defensive replacement and pinch runner. Good season for the lineup as they led baseball in runs scored.

The Conclusion: "The Yankees led MLB in spring training record. They're in the toughest division in baseball. The Rays went to the WS and the Sox almost did. Still, I look at the teams on paper and the Yankees look better this year. The Rays look worse. The Sox look about the same. That tells me that I think the Rays and Yankees will swap positions in the standings. The Yankees will win 97 games, the Sox will win 95 and the Rays will be left watching in October. The Yankee rotation is far better. The lineup is better. The defense will be better. Should be good times for Yankee fans."

Damn I'm good. The Fridge is just like Wu-Tang Clan... nuthin ta fuck with.

2010 Offseason

Who left? Johnny Damon and Hideki Matsui. Why did the Yankees get rid of two players who a) contributed heavily to the return of the Yankees as Champions and b) fit perfectly in the lineup as #2 and #5 hitters? Age. It's that simple. Cashman has been very clear in one area since he assumed complete control of the team. When relative value is close he will go with the younger player. It would have been the easiest thing to do to bring Matsui and Damon back right at the end of the parade down the canyon of heroes. No one would question it. No one would blame him if it didn't work out. But he let those two popular players go. He traded for Curtis Granderson and Nick Johnson.

Granderson vs. Damon - This is a tale of home and away splits. Until this year, Granderson played in a part that is a tough park to hit in. Damon played in a park that was taylor made for his swing. A large part of Damon's value is from the .915 OPS he put up at home. If he matched that on the road he'd rank in the top 20 in baseball in that stat, ahead of Chase Utley, Evan Longoria and other MVP level hitters. But Damon is simply a different hitter away from Yankee Stadium with a .795 OPS which ranks roughly 85th. Good, but not exceptional. Damon is exceptional on defense. Exceptionally bad. He can't throw and despite having decent speed plays left field like a drunken beer-league softball player.

Granderson is the reverse. He's a very poor hitter at his home park (Comerica field, one of the largest in MLB) putting up a pathetic .695 OPS. On the road however, he is a .860 OPS player, which is top fifty. His swing is taylor made for Yankee stadium. He's a dead pull hitter with power. Damon increased his power output by becoming a dead pull hitter with power. Don't believe me? Read this article (ESPN subs req'd). Granderson is gonna hit for power for the yankees. He hit 13 more homers than Damon on the road and his swing is suited for Yankee Stadium's short porch just like Damon's is. He'll hit 30 homers this year if he plays 150 games. And while he's doing that, he's an asset in CF, which Johnny Damon hasn't been since he played in Kansas City. Granderson during the regular season at least, is an upgrade - more on this in a bit***. On the whole I support this move.

Matsui vs. Johnson - Matsui signed with the Los Angeles Anaheim Angeles of Greater Los Angeles county for slightly more than the Yanks signed Johnson. Certainly Cash could have kept the very reliable producer instead of bringing back the injury prone former Yankee Nick Johnson. Matsui has an air of reliability while Johnson appears to always be injured. In fact, over the last 3 years, they've both been pretty unreliable. Matsui doesn't seem so, because he was a former iron man, holding the "Cal Ripken record" in Japan and keeping his streak here in the US until he broke his wrist trying to make a diving catch. Johnson's reputation is well earned. He was injury prone in the minors and will be again this year for the Yanks. He's only played 140 games once in his entire 9 year career. Only played more than 100 3 times. There's simply no way we can expect him to play 100 for the yanks, so be ready for Randy Winn at DH some games or if Johnson is out for an extended time a call up from Jesus Montero. When he's healthy, Johnson has elite OBP skills and that's really it. He can at least provide a backup to Teixeira. There's no way to look at this as anything but a downgrade and honestly, I don't like it. I'm already tired of tracking Johnson's injury status and it's only spring training. If he plays, he'll be as good as Matsui but he almost certainly will be hurt for 50 games or so. No, really. Almost certainly. Cashman gave 5 million to a guy who almost certainly will miss 1/3 of the season. I don't really get it. It may work out, but as far as I'm concerned the house has all the odds on this bet. When the season's over, Matsui will likely have limped his way to more RBI than Nick Johnson has games played.

*** What the hell was I talking about when I said more in a bit? Here's what I don't like about those moves. I don't buy into clutch hitting. I do however buy into a theory that some hitters have the ability to hit great pitching while some do not. And that statistics gathered during lackluster games in June may mask this deficiency. I think this has to do with the ability of a hitter to adjust during an at bat and hit while in a defensive mentality. Some guys are just better at this than others. Damon and Matsui were very good at this. Jeter is very good at this. Chase Utley is good at this. Ryan Howard is not good at this. Kevin Youklis is very good at this. A-Rod is not. Over the course of 162 games, this ability has minimal effect on the teams ability to make the playoffs. However, in the playoffs where the importance of each at bat is magnified and the overall pitching quality is better, it's more important. I don't know how Granderson and Johnson will perform in these situations and if they aren't as good as Matsui and Damon they may seriously damage the Yankees chances of repeating. This is my theory and it is mine.

Adios Melky, Bienvenidos Javy -In Toast's least favorite offseason move, the Yanks traded Melky Cabrera and two prospects to the Braves for Javy Vazquez. Javy Vazquez was a Yankee before and it didn't end well. (Yankee fans don't click on that...) But Javy played in the all star game that year and was reportedly hurt later in the year and tried to pitch through it and not tell the team. I expect him to pitch well and so do many others. But this continues the theme of last year where Cashman went out and acquired a big pitcher who will eat innings. There were 50 pitchers who pitched more than 195 innings last year and the Yankees have 4 of them now. Cashman didn't want to have to deal with Mitre or Aceves and another rotating 5th starter spot if one of the big guys goes down and now they won't have to. The Yankees won't need to go with a 3 man rotation in the playoffs. The difference between the innings that Javy pitched last year and Joba is 62 innings, or roughly an extra reliever. That reliability and ability to pitch deep into games is a premium. And all the Yanks had to do to get it was send Toast's favorite player and a couple prospects. If Vazquez is a bust then the Yanks can let him go next year and get a first round draft pick for their troubles. Or, if he pitches well as I expect him to, they can resign him. All in all, I think this will be regarded as the best move of the offseason.

Joba vs. Phil -Two young starting pitching prospects. Neither one has shown much as a starter. Both have shown exceptional ability as relievers. Why the controversy? Other teams have battles for their fifth starter spots and people don't flip out over the outcome. Why the excitement? Dunno, but here's my take on it. There's little statistical evidence to make a good case that either guy would be better than the other in either role. However. my armchair scouting says that Phil is right now better suited to start than Joba. I say this is for two reasons. 1) Pitching arsenal - Hughes has 3.5 pitches now. 4 seamer, cutter, curve and a half a changeup. Eiland has been emphasizing the change all spring and it was apparently the development of this pitch that won him the gig. Here's Phil's PitchFX stats where you can see how he dropped the change last year for the cutter. Here's Joba's PitchFX. You can see his pitches are all over the place. 4 seamer, Slider AND Curve and some changeups - even a few that charted as 2 seamers. After watching Joba make thirty starts on TV you can say this about Joba's change and curve. He can't throw them for strikes and no one swings that them. So, he tried to work them in and in large part that led to his consistently being behind hitters and his high pitch count. When he was dominant out of the pen, he was pounding the strike zone with big fastballs and a bugs bunny slider. Frankly, the rest of what he throws is garbage right now (it could improve at some point). And two pitch pitchers are bullpen pitchers (unless they're one pitch pitchers like Mo). You can blow through the minors with two pitches but it's hard to do it in the majors (Verlander comes to mind but his two pitches are better than Joba's). 2) Personality - this is totally unscientific, but it's my impression that some personalities do better in the pen and some do better as starters. Dudes that get amped up and freak out are better suited as short relievers - think Papelboner. Dudes that are seriously even keel and controlled do better as starters - think Mussina. Joba is more like Papelboner than Mussina and Hughes is more like Mussina than Papelboner. It's that simple.

The rest of the team - Essentially the same. Cervelli will be playing good defense at catcher and not hitting instead of Molina. Chan Ho Park will be in the pen with a blossoming David Robertson (crazy K numbers!). Hopefully Marte will be the weapon he was in the playoffs all year long. Ramiro Pena, Randy Winn man the bench. Melancon will get another chance. The bench/pen is pretty solid. A Rod is healthy going into the season. Jeter's in a contract year drive. Brett Gardner will be providing exceptional defense in left and crazy speed on the basepaths.

How will they do? Good question. The sox went out and spent a lot of money on pitching and defense, the Rays are looking really good with young starters, a healthy lineup and a new closer and the Champs cut payroll by 10 million. Despite the cut in payroll, I think the pitching will be better this year than last as will the defense. It offsets a possible loss in offense from losing Damon and Matsui. I honestly think that the three teams are very close in talent. The finishing order can be very fluid. I do think the Champs are slightly ahead of the Sox, who are slightly ahead of the Rays. So, I'll say Yankees 96 wins, Sox 95, Rays 93. But I don't feel quite as optimistic as last year. In the end, the team who remains the healthiest will win. Did I mention we have Nick Johnson?

We temporarily un-retire this blog for this tasteless joke

2009-06-05T12:46:00.003-04:00

Yankees 0-2

2009-04-09T09:02:00.002-04:00

Feel free to push it if it makes you feel better

Yankees Preview

2009-04-05T19:09:00.004-04:00

Ok, here's the 2009 Fridge Yankee Preview.

First, let's recap the 2008 Yankees. By all accounts, it was a disaster. 89 wins and missing the playoffs for the first time in somewhere around a gajillion years. Utter disaster! Fire Cashman, Fire Joe Girardi!

Here are the numbers.

89-73 (tied for 4th in AL)
Team ERA 4.28 (15th MLB, 8th AL)
789 Runs (7th AL, 10th MLB)
83 Errors (3rd MLB, 1st AL)

Those are the results. But, numbers only really have a meaning in context. When you begin a season you have a set of expectations. Usually veterans meet those expectations, especially expensive ones like the Yankees stockpile. You hope your young guys give you a reasonable performance and wish that one or two of them break out and reach their perceived potential. So, how does a $210 million team fail to make the playoffs? Well, in short, what you need to have happen is have lots of guys do far worse than anyone expected and have only one player exceed expectations. Just one. And he's old as fuck.

The Yankees didn't have a single batter exceed their expected output for a year. This would normally be fine as the Yankees have expensive veterans at many positions and all they need to do is perform to par. But A-Rod, Matsui, Posada missed over 200 games last year. Melky Cabrera, Cano, Jeter regressed. The bench was terrible, massing about 500 ABs of sub-600 OPS.

The starting pitching was a mess. The Yankees went into the season with the risky position of planning to start Ian Kennedy and Phil Hughes 60 times. They got 17 starts and no wins. Darrel Rasner (sold to Japan in the offseason) started 20 games to place third in the rotation in that stat. The Wanger hurt his hammy and started a Hank Steinbrenner bitchfest about the lack of the DH in the NL. Usually penciled in for 30+ starts and 17 wins he only managed half that before getting hurt. The aforementioned Rasner, Sidney Ponson, Alfredo Aceves, Carl Pavano, Dan Giese, Kei Igawa started 58 games last year. 58, or greater than 1/3 of the entire season. They managed 15 wins. The Joba rules and shoulder stiffness limited Joba to 100 solid innings. Pettitte gutted out the season and ate innings admirably, but faltered down the stretch. Mike Mussina was the one Yankee who had a career year. The bullpen was sketchy all season except for the resplendent Mo Rivera who is ridiculous.

In short, an absurd number of things went wrong and the Yankees still managed to have the 4th best record in the AL. If you were to pick any 2 of the disasters above and have that player perform to expectation, the Yankees probably make the playoffs. So, the Yankees could reasonably expect to be better while doing basically nothing.

But, nothing wasn't really an option because they had 80 million to spend and 4 big holes to fill.

Here's what they did.

Rotation:
Last year's rotation leaving spring training was : Wang, Moose, Pettitte, Hughes, Kennedy. We saw how that ended up. Moose retired and Joba was in the rotation, so they had three rotation spots to fill. They signed the best two pitchers on the market, C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett. Sabathia has been extremely durable over his career and Burnett has averaged 26.6 starts over the last 4 years. With those signings, they can reasonably erase the 58 starts by the cannon fodder mentioned above. Additionally, they are high strikeout pitchers, who will help to limit any Yankee defensive shortcomings. Then, the Yankees brought back Pettitte on a one year deal and you can reasonably pencil in him for 30 starts. So, the Yankees bought reliability in the rotation and now the only real question mark is Joba Chamberlain. And that's pretty fucking good because he had a sub 3.00 ERA as a starter. And if any of these guys falter, we have Hughes and Kennedy waiting in AAA with superlative minor league numbers. This alone will make the Yankees far better depth. There will be no more Sidney Ponson sightings, except for perhaps the visitor's dugout.

Bullpen:
Mo Rivera had offseason surgery and looks as good as ever in Spring Training. At some point you can expect a decline, but Mo is exceptional and who knows when that will be. He may be like Eckersley and pitch into his early 40s. The bridge to Mo is looking a lot better than it was in the middle of the season. The Yankees re-signed Damaso Marte and he's been an above average reliever in his career and is solid from the left side. Brian Bruney was a bit of a revelation before he got hurt and I think he's the 8th inning guy which is a bit role for an unproven guy. But he looks great in spring training. Jose Veras quietly had a very strong season. I think he's gonna be pretty good this year, too. Phil Coke was fantastic down the stretch, but is still a bit new to the bullpen and the majors. Edwar Ramirez is what he is, which is replacement level. Jonathan Albaladejo is a wild card, full of unproven potential. The pipeline is very full of big arms in the minors: Robertson, Melancon, S. Jackson and others could all contribute later (especially Melancon). So this year will be a bit of a roller coaster ride. I predict a bit of a shuttle from Scranton to the Bronx and there will be some turnover. But bullpen management really is a strength for Girardi, so I feel confident that the Yanks will find some combination of arms that works for them by crunch time in late summer.

The Lineup:
The big additions here are Mark Teixeira, Nick Swisher and Brett Gardner. Teixeira is better than Giambi in every single possible way. I think the amount of an upgrade will be staggering and his defense will make our infield much better. Swisher is the bench bat that the Yankees didn't have last year, causing them to use guys like Morgan Ensberg, Justin Christian, Richie Sexson to fill-in in the outfield and at first. He'll have that covered and also presents a good piece of trade bait if a trade is needed to shore up the pen. Gardner replaces Melky and should be a slight upgrade defensively. Offensively, he was even worse than Melky last year, but flashes potential for speed that Melky doesn't. He'll bat 9th and have a long leash assuming he catches the ball out in center. Posada and Matsui are back and looking healthy. I think it's clear that the Yankees would love to move the slow, rapidly aging Matsui, but they can't because of his salary. He won't be back this year and I could see him moved at the deadline to someone looking for offense and Swisher taking his place. Nady is here for the full year and Damon is in a contract year. Cano had a terrible first half but played to expectation in the second half. He should be much better this year. The big questions are A-Rod and Jeter. There's a lot of talk about Jeter's decline and while it's true that defensively he's declining, I'm not ready to bury the Captain offensively. Why? He was hurt all last year (rumor of broken bones in the hand, sapping power) but gutting it out because of the other injuries on the team and when he finally got healthy at the end of the year, he hit .345. It wouldn't be a surprise to see him decline, but I think there's reason to think he might be better this year at the plate.

And A-Rod? I expect him to return in early May, cause a bunch of controversy and still end up with 30+ homers and 100 RBI on the year. And until then Cody Ransom will play a great 3rd and barely hit his weight.

Bench:
Melky, Molina, Swisher, Ransom and the much-hyped Ramiro Pena. All these guys are very solid defensively, but only Swisher is a threat at the plate. Pena will probably be sent down for at bats in AAA when A-Rod returns unless he does something amazing the first month. Melky will probably be traded. But this is a better bench than the Yankees have had in a while. Which should tell you how bad the Yankee benches have been.

The Conclusion:
The Yankees led MLB in spring training record. They're in the toughest division in baseball. The Rays went to the WS and the Sox almost did. Still, I look at the teams on paper and the Yankees look better this year. The Rays look worse. The Sox look about the same. That tells me that I think the Rays and Yankees will swap positions in the standings. The Yankees will win 97 games, the Sox will win 95 and the Rays will be left watching in October. The Yankee rotation is far better. The lineup is better. The defense will be better. Should be good times for Yankee fans.

Goodbye BSG

2009-03-20T10:29:00.004-04:00

Tonight's the last episode. It transcends geeky goodness and is one of the greatest dramas I've ever seen. It's hard to believe that it's gonna really be over. I'm sad.

Fridge watches the Watchmen

2009-03-08T18:33:00.005-04:00

Ok, I've obsessively cyber-stalked this movie for over a year. I love the book and wanted to love the movie. I wanted to come home in a post-coital-nerd-movie-glow like I did from the first Spiderman flicks, Iron Man, The Matrix, etc...

It didn't happen.

For me, the movie was a roller-coaster. There were moments where I was riding high in love with what I was seeing and moments that just didn't work at all and I wanted to hit fast-forward. Some of the problems stem simply from the nature of doing an adaptation. When it's done well, it works. Otherwise, not so much. Some of them are the known casting problems. And some of the problems are, frankly, bits brought to the material by Zack Snyder.

When it works, it's wonderful. There were times I was sitting in the theater with a smile on my face thinking, "Holy Crap, it's Watchmen!" There were also times when I thought, "Ugh, what the fuck was that?"

In the end, it was a bit of a disappointment for me. And much of my frustration is from mistakes that were completely avoidable. My prediction is that some internet geek will do some of the fixing with a macbook re-edit, as the Star Wars geeks did when they removed Jar Jar Binks. But that won't erase the missteps that are burned in my brain. And that makes me a bit bummed. I had bought into the hype and it didn't live up to it.

Specifics and spoilers below. Stop reading if you don't want to be spoiled.

Here, specifically is what worked for me.
* Rorschach - Easily the best thing in the movie is Jackie Earl Haley. Fantastic. The movie was always good when he was on the screen.
* The uber violence of the scene where Rorshach and the psychiatrist and also in the prison in general. It's meaningful to Rorshach as a character, because that's what separates himself from his partners. He's crazy. I was riveted in that scene.
* Dr. Manhattan - glowing blue schlong aside, that's about as good as Manhattan could have been done, I think. And I expected a bit of a spacey voice, but Crudup's voice was very low key and very human. I ended up really liking it that way.
* The sequence with Dr. Manhattan's origin and the photo on mars. That was cool.
* The opening sequence was cool.
* The opening voice over. I was geeking out over the dialog.

Here's what didn't
* Malin Ackerman - What the fuck! Seriously, what the fuck! Argh! She even kinda looked weird naked.
* The uber violence everywhere else - This, apparently, is a Snyder signature. It didn't bother me in 300, because that's what that movie is about. That is not what the Watchmen is about. It was gratuitous. I wasn't horrified by it, but it just doesn't fit, so it's like dissonant notes in a song. You're cruising along and then all of a sudden Malin "I can't Act"erman is breaking some dude's elbow in slowmo with a bloody crunch and sticking a knife in his neck. Or Dr Manhattan is killing some dudes and spraying blood all over people's faces. And piled up over the entire film and it just became annoying. The exception is the Rorshach violence mentioned above. It was necessary there, just not anywhere else.
* The fire splooge in the sky scene - Tart was all over this, as well as the violence, and she's right. I'm all for humping but, this was weird. In the book, it was more classic Hollywood style love making, silhouettes, etc., and the owlship spewing mist plus fire fits that. With this, I almost was expecting a money shot.
* The sound track is fucked up - Again, Tart is all over that. This is a trick that should have ended with Forrest Gump - using songs to put the viewer in the frame of mind for a period. Thing is, that's absolutely the wrong choice for this movie. This is an alternate reality. Trying to use music place us in a time where Richard Nixon is in the middle of his 5th term as president is messed up. It didn't work at all. I seriously hope some nerd is gonna edit that shit out or there's a bad music soundtrack-free audio track on the DVD. That shit was jarring at times. It just needed a score. The 300 score was great. WTF, Snyder?
* I seriously don't remember Nixon and Kissinger having that much of a role in the book. If they did, I forgot it. But, those performances in the movie were weird and I hated it.
* I ended up missing the squid. I had long ago read about the change of the ending and had talked myself into the fact that it would be ok. I understood that by changing the end, they'd be able to skip a bunch of exposition regarding the origin of the squid. But, as the ending arrived I realized I was wrong. I did not like the change of the end and frankly the earth uniting against fake aliens makes more sense than uniting against Dr. Manhattan's possible return. Here's an idea, cut out the pelvic thrusts and blood spatters to free up time for the squid. And the floaty huggy crap? Ugh.
* The epilogue - That shit was terrible. The "I love you Mom" scene? And then including a random appearance of the New Frontiersman that was not set up at all. On the cutting room floor, I guess. Maybe a 4 hr director's cut will fix that?
* Ozymanidas - I probably didn't hate this casting choice as much as some, but Matthew goode was believable in the fight scenes and ably delivered the lines. There was just a lack of command emanating from his Ozy. Ozy has to be a big authoritarian figure. He wasn't. It hurt the movie.

It may seem like I hated the movie because I have more gripes than raves. That's not true. However it is far closer to the truth than I had hoped. And that will be hard to get over.

Does Lou Dobbs have a show on Nickelodeon?

2009-03-07T08:36:00.003-05:00

One that I'm not aware of, maybe? Because last night we went to pick up some chinese food and the proprietor of New Great Wall started barking out orders to the cooks. My five year old son made a disapproving face and said:

What the heck? Why are those guys talking spanish? This isn't Japan! They should talk like Connecticut!

This showed about as nuanced a grasp of immigration as Mr. Dobbs himself.

Open Letter to the old dude at the italian deli

2009-03-04T10:49:00.009-05:00

Obama Chia Pet

Dear Old Dude,

The following is not a funny joke:

So, I was at walgreen's the other day and I saw the Obama Chia Pet. Be the first one in your hood to get one!

It's not funny. That's mostly why I didn't laugh. That's mostly why the two other people you told that joke to while I was waiting for my Chicken Santore sub didn't laugh either. It made us uncomfortable. You made us uncomfortable. That shit was not cool.

Now, in your defense, it wasn't you that had the idea "hey, black president! Let's make a Chia Pet!" Someone else did that and, frankly, I think it's kinda fucked up. But as I drove back to my office, I remember thinking about your joke (which adds the "first in your hood" reference) and wondering why you thought it was funny?

Here's one idea I came up with.

Perhaps you feel that the world has passed you by (it has). Maybe you think that the things you hold dear (racial segregation) are going the way of the rotary phone (it is). You probably think that this has made our country less than it was in the good ol' days (it hasn't) and you feel isolated in your dismay at a world that's, in your eyes, going down the tubes. So, you construct a crappy, unfunny joke and it's a litmus test. Whether it's funny or not is not the point. You can go around and tell this joke to folks and try and find people that feel the same way as you. You can almost immediately see in their eyes if they're thinking to themselves "move along you unfunny fuck" or "Yes! Someone gets it! Black people shouldn't be president!" And when you find that person you can cling to each other like two castaways in a raging sea of racial equality. Perhaps then you can use a terribly unfunny bit of gallows humor to share your bitterness over a loss of status and reminisce about the days when black people didn't raise our taxes, they parked our cars at restaurants and carried our luggage at the airport.

Is that it? If so, I almost feel a little bad that you didn't find any other members of the oppressed majority to commiserate with at my favorite italian deli. Even the guy behind the counter who owns the place (I think) and is about the same age as you didn't sign on. After you walked away, he and I shared a raised-eyebrow "what the fuck was that" look. We were both very happy you stopped talking to us. While I can't agree with your feelings over Obama, I get the loneliness and fear, old dude.

I kind of hope that's what it is. Because the only other idea I could come up with is that you're an unfunny racist asshole.

Change I can believe in

2009-02-24T12:30:00.000-05:00

Credit Crisis Explained

2009-02-22T10:30:00.003-05:00

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

Great video that illustrates the Credit Crisis in a very simple way.

Suck it Nerds, I am your King

2009-02-17T20:54:00.000-05:00

Kryptonite!

2009-02-16T11:00:00.002-05:00

Gotta love Nate Robinson. Crazy talent in such a wee little body. He looks like a leprechaun.

Fridge to Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T09:13:00.001-05:00

Go Fuck Yerself

This looks pretty damn glorious to me

2009-02-12T21:20:00.000-05:00

I post this remixed video for two reasons

2009-02-06T20:32:00.001-05:00

1) To annoy Toast, who chafes at the obligation to watch the videos his friends post
2) It. Is. Awesome.

Submitted for your review

2009-01-31T09:05:00.003-05:00

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

Classic novel in the public domain + zombies = pretty hilarious idea.

(h/t woot blog)

Ok, I'll say it if no one else will

2009-01-30T12:55:00.001-05:00

Bruce Springsteen - Wildly Overrated

Fridge posts from his iPhone

2009-01-27T17:57:00.001-05:00

Testing one.... two..... three!

My kids are funny, vol. 12984

2009-01-26T14:03:00.010-05:00

Read on as I, an evil Dad, make both my kids cry and yet get a good laugh out of it. I tried to be as faithful as possible to the actual events and dialog.

Saturday Afternoon:
[Int. Fridge's kitchen]

Fridge is on the phone

Jonny (running in to the room): Dad! Daddy! Guess What!!
Fridge: (to person on phone) Can you hold on a minute? (back to Jonny) JB, you have to say excuse me when you interrupt someone....
Jonny: Daddy! Excuse me! I need to tell you something.
Fridge: ... and you know that it's rude to interrupt when they're talking on the phone. You have to wait until Daddy is done.
Jonny: But Daddy! I need to tell you something!
Fridge: Is it an emergency?
Jonny: well... no... but I need to tell you something!
Fridge: Jonny, it's gonna have to wait till I'm done on the phone, buddy.
Jonny: But, daddy! I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!

Jonny throws himself to the ground and writhes in the agony of injustice

Fridge (to person on phone): I'm afraid I'll have to call you back. We're having a meltdown.
Fridge (to JB, who is apoplectic): Ok, JB. You're gonna have to sit at the bottom of the stairs until you've calmed down.
Jonny: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! Daddy, I have to TELL YOU SOOOOOOMMEEETHIIIIINNG!!!!!

Five minutes of carefully orchestrated histrionics at the bottom of the stairs follow. Eventually, Jonny calms down

Fridge: Ok, Jonny. Come over here please. You know that you can't interrupt people on the phone. It's rude, right?
Jonny: Yes Daddy. [wiping tears] I know. I'm sorry.
Fridge: It's ok, dude. What did you want to tell me?
Jonny (smiling and excited): "Skittle" and "Little". They rhyme!

--

Saturday Night:
[Int. Fridge's living room]

Fridge and Emma have just finished watching Jurassic Park. Clearly a questionable parenting decision as it was too scary for Jonny and he had to leave. Emma and Fridge are discussing the film, which Emma loved.

Emma: Daddy, wouldn't it be totally crazy if there were dinosaurs running around our house!?!?! That would be scary!
Fridge: Yeah that would be. But we'd have Roxy to save us!
Emma: Do you think Roxy could beat up a velociraptor??!?!
Fridge: Actually, no. She'd definitely try to save us if there was a velociraptor trying to eat us. But the dinosaur would probably eat her instead.
Emma: [Gasp!] No! We can't let them eat Roxy! I'd rather have the velociraptor eat me!
Fridge: Well, if I had to pick one of you to feed to a velociraptor, it'd definitely be Roxy and not you.

Emma cries out, leaping on top of a formerly sleeping, now bewildered labrador in a wild embrace.

Emma: Whaaaaa!!!!! No, daddy! That means you don't love my SISTER Roxy as much as me! That's not nice!
Fridge: Hey, I love Roxy, but that's exactly right. I don't love her as much as you. If it's you or her, then she's dinosaur food.
Emma: DADDY!!! That's a very very mean thing to say! Don't say that!

Emma collapses on Roxy, who is thoroughly confused. Emma sobs for a moment or two and then abruptly sits up with a tear-filled face and a slightly mischievous grin

Emma: Hey daddy [chuckles] maybe we can feed Jonny to the velociraptor instead?

Year End Meme

2009-01-01T11:02:00.003-05:00

I've been tagged.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Learned to play craps.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
New Year's resolutions are for suckers.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Barbra, my sister-in-law had a baby about a month ago. My first niece after a bunch of nephews. She's cute as hell.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not that I recall. I guess that might determine "close".

5. What places did you visit?
Vegas. Yankee Stadium for the last time.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A maid. Seriously. I am working on this.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb 3 and Nov 4. Both big victories for my teams.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
I can't think of any. I've been in a ridiculous holding pattern for over a year. There's a lot of crap on tap for '09, though.

9. What was your biggest failure?
There are many things I failed to make any progress with, including my divorce.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No. Usually, my kids are bringing stuff home every month, but this has been a very good year for our immune systems.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
42" LCD HDTV. I can't imagine going back to non-HD full time anymore.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My kids. They had a great year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My ex's boyfriend. He's an impressive douchebag.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage and day care. Always.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The New York Giants

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
"The Frown Song" by Ben Folds.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder?
happier, I guess.
b) thinner or fatter?
fatter, for sure
c) richer or poorer?
poorer for sure.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Read

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Laundry

20. How did you spend Christmas this year?
Awkwardly

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
With my XBOX 360, yes.

22. How was work?
Surprisingly rewarding.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
The Daily Show. Clusterfuck to the White House was nightly must see tv.

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2008?
My kids and I cooked dinner.

25. What was the best book you read?
Bad year for Fridge reading. The user guide for Gears of War 2?

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I would say, Jay-Z's "Reasonable Doubt", which is only new to me and is a major staple in my rotation.

27. What did you want and get?
XBOX 360

28. What did you want and not get?
Divorced

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Tropic Thunder, I think. Iron Man was good, too. Dark Knight. Wall E? No huge standouts, but a bunch of solid films.

30. Did you make some new friends this year?
A few.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Renting a dumpster and taking a week of vacation to fill it up with the ridiculous clutter in my house.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Hoodie and cargo pants?

33. What kept you sane?
Emma and Jonathan

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Right now, it's the Mom, Mrs. Taylor on Friday Night Lights. She's MILF-tastic.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Sarah Palin being fucking stupid.

35a. What political issue stirred you the least?
Sarah Palin's clothes

36. Who did you miss?
A few of my friends who live all over the US and occasionally my kids.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
There are a couple new guys at work that are pretty cool.

38. Burn any bridges?
Nope. Had ample opportunity to, though.

39. Best new restaurant you went to?
Margaritaville in Las Vegas.

40. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
"There's no weakness in forgiveness." - The aforementioned MILF-tastic Mrs. Taylor.

Movie Resume Meme

2008-12-23T10:50:00.004-05:00

Saw this on facebook first, but then most recently on my brother's blog for smart people.

He saw 71. My number should be considerably higher than that.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG [all versions, including King Kong Vs. Godzilla]
Total so far: 13

( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving -MAS
(x) Flubber (orignal only)
Total so far: 17

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 22

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles [One of the best in the John Hughes, suburban teenage white kid flicks]
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 28

(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremacy
(x) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled (original only) [the remake has the sublime Liz Hurley]
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
(x) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 41

(x) Independence Day
(x) Cujo
(x) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
( ) ET [my boycott may not last now that I'm a dad.]
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 48

( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China [watched this about a hundred times in H.S. great!]
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 57

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday (original only)
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 70

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax [Did anyone see this garbage?]
(x) Kippendorf's Tribe [not proud of this]
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 74

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 80

(x) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
(x) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History ( I'm assuming this is American History X but the x got deleted?)
( ) Three
Total so Far: 84

( ) The Jacket
(X) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
(x) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 90

( ) High Tension
(x) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x) Dawn of the Dead
(x) Hook
( ) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
(x) Orgazmo
(x) Phantasm (Underrated)
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 98

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
(x) the Hills Have Eyes
(x) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
(x) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 105

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 111

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2 [easily one of my favorite movies of all time]
(x) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total so far: 121

( ) Battle Royale
( ) Battle Royale 2
(x) Brazil
(x) Contact
(x) Cube
(x) Dr. Strangelove
( ) Enlightenment Guaranteed
( ) Four Rooms
(x) Memento
( ) Pi
( ) Requiem for a Dream
(x) Pulp Fiction
(x) Reservoir Dogs
( ) Run Lola Run
( ) Russian Ark
(x) Serenity
(x) Sin City
(x) Snatch
( ) Spider
(x) The Sixth Sense
(x) The Village
( ) Waking Life
( ) Zatoichi
( ) Ikiru
(x) The Seven Samurai
(x) Brick
(x) Akira
Total so far: 136

Holy crap, am I a loser. I nearly doubled my bro. I guess that explains why he has a PhD and I have an ass-shaped imprint on my couch.

Anyone top that? I tag everyone... that means you.

Sledding!

2008-12-19T15:46:00.002-05:00

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

1983 = Awesomeness

2008-12-19T13:12:00.000-05:00

Fridge shares videos

2008-11-29T08:23:00.002-05:00

Ok, these need to be watched in order.

First watch this one and get your full geek on.

then, as the extreme geekout nearly makes you slide into a coma, watch this and you'll return to normal.

Name Game Meme

2008-11-26T09:04:00.004-05:00

Tagged by Tracy in the "all Toasters" category...

1. Witness Protection Program Name (mother’s & father’s middle names): Jane Henry

2. NASCAR Name (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad): Simeon Henry

3. Star Wars Name (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name): Blerik

4. Detective Name (favorite color, favorite animal): Blue Lab

5. Soap Opera Name (middle name, city where you live): John Clinton

6. Superhero Name (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add "THE" to the beginning): The Green Guiness

7. Fly Name (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name): Erir

8. Gangsta Name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie): Chocolate Thin Mint

9. Rock Star Name (current pet’s name, current street name): Roxy Pepperbush

10. Porn Name (1st pet, street you grew up on): Porthos Kendon

My thoughts:
- shouldn't the rules reverse #1 for cases of gender? Henry Jane would be a far better witness protection name than Jane Henry. Unless we're going to extraordinary lengths to hide my identity.
- Blerik is a good star wars name. I'd like to be "Blerik Skywalker" the shiftless drunken half-brother to Luke and Leia. Kinda like Roger Clinton.
- 'Blue Lab' isn't a great detective name, but would be a fantastic name for a pub.
- I think "The Green Guinness" would be an overly muscled heroic leprechaun?
- I could pull off "Chocolate Thin Mint" as a gangsta name. I would just need RZA to produce.

Nope, not ready to be magnanimous yet

2008-11-12T12:10:00.003-05:00

Open Post to Barack Obama

----

Look, Mr. President-Elect, I get it. You're the big person, gracious as all get out and you think Lieberman should be allowed to return to the Democratic caucus, "prodigal son" style. So, you know, let's kill a fatted calf and have a barbecue chock full of bon homie, keg beer and backslapping.

Nope. Not yet. Not for Lieberman. Sorry, I can't.

It's a bit personal, you see. It was to me, as a Connecticut voter, that Joe lied during his 2006 Senate run. At the time, one of his faces said he was a vocal critic of the president. His other face said "in matters of war, we undermine presidential credibility at our nation's peril." One of his faces said, in October 2006 (before the election), he thought we could bring the troops home soon. The other face then said two months later (after the election) that doing so was victory for Al Qaeda. During his re-election campaign he said he'd support a Democrat for president. And I'm sure you remember what he said at the Republican Convention, about you voting against funding the troops.

Did you really vote to cut off spending to the troops? Or are you just Jesus-like in your ability to turn the other cheek? I'm not. If it were up to me, I'd put his droopy-faced head on a pike next to the Washington Monument. It's not me, however, and you seem to have a distaste for revenge. But more than just me looking for revenge, there's a pragmatic side to punishing Joe. Simply put, there has to be a cost for his actions. You've got a big job ahead as the offcial cat-herder of self-obsessed Washington operators. If you expect to have the respect of 535 supremely egotistical and independently motivated congress members, there has to be a cost to stepping THIS FUCKING far out of line.

So, I get it. You're a legit "big tent" guy. But Joe Lieberman lied to his constituents, lied about your record and turned his back on his party at the most critical moments of my lifetime. There has to be a cost.

We un-retire this blog to bring you thoughts of a five year old

2008-11-07T10:49:00.006-05:00

Yesterday, I bought my son a Spiderman lunch box because I dropped his Speed Racer lunch box and the little plastic doo-hickey that keeps it closed snapped off. That led to this conversation on the way to pre-school today.

Jonny: Dad, why did you break my Speed Racer lunch box?
Dad: Well, it was an accident, remember? It fell off the counter and broke.
Jonny: Oh yeah. I remember. That's OK Dad, because it was an accident and I like this one better anyway.
Dad: Great! What do you like about it?
Jonny: It's like my friend Nicholas' spider man lunch box, but different. It's blue. It has my name on it. Hey, I can see Spider-Man's penis.
Dad: Wait, What!?!?!?! You can?!?!?!
Jonny: Yeah, it's right next to his leg.
Dad (thinking silently): That's where you usually find them. Apparently Daddy didn't vet this lunch box sufficiently.
Jonny (singing): "Spider Penis! Spider Penis! Does whatever a Spider Penis does....."

In truth, it was simply the copious bulge in Spider-man's spider-crotch, which Daddy explained was most likely stuffed with spider-socks to help him attract spider-chicks.

Warshington!

2008-09-25T09:22:00.002-04:00

Toasters Football Draft Order

2008-08-08T20:49:00.003-04:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Let's just say that we had an eventful lottery. We did a dry run only to find out that we had no audio. Of course I won that lottery. Did I win the next one? Not so much. But it sure was fun. Here's the final order:

1) Tracy
2) Chemist
3) Kate
4) Angelos
5) John
6) Mr. Furious
7) Michelline
8) Toast
9) Mike
10) VMH
11) Wilde
12) Chris Howard
13) Night Shift
14) Fridge

Free Pass to Shag Meme

2008-07-25T20:16:00.006-04:00

I've been tagged by Tracy with a salacious little meme. And just like that the blogging slumber is over. I've been pretty busy, both at work and at home. But I'm never too busy to objectify the ladies.

Here's the rules:

Which brings me to my Question - what five famous people would you want listed in the contract that your significant other had to forgive you if, you know, you just happened to meet them and you just happened to hit it off and they just happened to express interest in some hot, shallow monkey sex?

To be candid, I find myself without a significant other for the first time in 11 years or so. So I don't need a list. But this process is fun as hell. It is interesting to me that as I get older my taste in women ages with me. Unlike, say, Toast

In reverse, countdown-style order.

5) Linda Carter

Today is Linda's birthday - She's 57. Jesu-cristo look at that fucking picture. She was an unbelievably beautiful woman as I went through adolesence and she's forever etched into my brain. I watched Wonder Woman every week and I was in love with her. She's on this list at 57 and will be on it at 80. If it were 1981, she'd be #1 thru 5 on this list.

4) Rachel Weisz

Jeez. Smart. Beautiful. Hot British accent. I adored her in the Constant Gardner, Confidence, About a Boy. And as you can see, I would totally defy the Will of God and eat that apple to get with her.

3) Jennifer Connolly

She was beautiful at 16 in Labyrinth and she's still beautiful now. I almost had trouble watching "Little Children" (great movie, BTW) because she plays a wife who is cheated upon by her bored house husband. How the hell can anyone cheat on her?

2) Scarlett Johansson

One of these is not like the others. This is the only under-35 entry on my list. As I mentioned earlier, the age of the women that I find sexy has grown older with me. Also, I prefer brunettes. This is the exception. Beautiful and curvy. Beautiful face with intelligence in the eyes. Sexy voice. The entire package helps me get over the fact that she was 2 when I got my driver's license.

1) Jennifer Garner

In an alternate, more stalker-ish universe, Jennifer Garner and I are together. And she's a Yankee fan instead of having been Afflecked into Red Sox nation. And also I didn't knock her up just in time screw up the final season of Alias.

Seriously, though, she's gorgeous. She seems very cool and easy going. And something about the sweet Sydney Bristow side and the sexy bad-ass spy she played on Alias worked for me on just so many levels. There's just something about her that I really love. And I must truly be into her if I sat through Catch and Release on cable - twice.

Honorable mentions:
1) CT channel 8's Sonia Baghdaddy - she's the only reason I watch local news
2) Pam Anderson - one wild night in the gutter!
3) Cheryl Hines from Curb Your Enthusiasm
4) Kimberly Jones - Former NY Giant beat reporter now YES sideline reporter.
So, there ya go.
5) Marisa Tomei - never used to like her at her popularity peak, but she's positively MILFy now.
6) Catherine Zeta Jones

Movie Review - W A L L - E

2008-07-01T09:44:00.004-04:00

I took the fridge-spawn to see Wall-E last night and left amazed. And by amazed, I don't mean in love with the movie. Simply amazed. This is not the typical Pixar fare. This is the most subversive kids movie since the first Willie Wonka. Can a movie be a kids movie, a robot love story, an ecological parable and a scathing critique of American society? Apparently yes.

I'm not gonna recount the plot of the story because it's just not as interesting as the ways in which this movie is a truly unusual experience (if you want that, this review gives it to ya). So, here are those "unusual ways" - bullet point style.

the first half of the film has almost no dialog. Wall-E only knows one word and that's his name. He learns another from his love-interest EvE - her name. She apparently only knows a couple others "Plant" and "Directive". The first half of the movie is nearly a silent film. Given the proclivity of most science fiction directors to pound our ears in with tedious exposition, this is an amazingly interesting and refreshing choice. The funniest description I've read of this is "Cormac McCarthy for kids!"

sidebar: The flip-side of this becomes clear when you take a 4 year old and a 6 year old to watch a movie. In the absence of this dialog, these children will have many, many very loud questions. You may discuss whispering and why it's important at a theater when you can talk loudly at home.

Imagine the Pixar movie story meetings. "So wait, we're gonna make a movie for kids? You know, which typically are advertised with Happy Meals and often simply vehicles to sell toys. But, we're gonna use it to destroy the "LayZBoy-Box Store" American lifestyle? Really?"

Truly a startling choice. This movie is practically Idiocracy for the toddler set. Incredible, really.

It all works. The target audience ("my kids") loved it. They were shocked and dismayed when all the people left the earth because of the garbage and pollution and they were elated and were elated when the people came back to earth to live. And they laughed and cheered for Wall-E all along the way. Truly remarkable. They don't know they just watched a movie that eviscerates the society they enjoy. At least today they don't. But that message will sink in and as they watch these movies over and over again as they grow up that message will surely sink in.

I was intrigued when in 2006, Pixar decided they would no longer cross-promote with fast food companies. That's a small step for them to do if they want to make a difference. This movie is a big step. Pixar is using it's super powers to try and do good. Surely this will piss some people off. I'm fascinated by it.

I'm not gonna give Wall-E a glib rating. I'm still too perplexed by how I feel about it. I definitely enjoyed parts of it greatly. I definitely was stung by some of the criticism when it hit home. Do I want Pixar movies that have such strong messages? Or do I just want entertainment from them? I dunno. Like all Pixar movies, it's very well done with amazing animation, but I can't decide how much I like it. I think I like that about the film the most.

Romo Vs Eli

2008-06-23T14:45:00.004-04:00

I've had several lengthy (and likely tedious for others) arguments about this very topic with John Howard. Sports arguments are always fun for me and over the years I've had lots of fun teasing Cowboy fans about Troy Aikman's overrated status among all-time QB's. There's nothing as enjoyable as arguing largely qualitative analysis with ultimate certainty. But, this is apparently not just a phenomenon between me and John over at TwoGlasses. NFL.com analyst and Sirius radio host Pat Kirwan acknowledged that Romo Vs Peyton's brother is actually a very popular debate. He puts forth a short and sweet breakdown, ending disappointingly in a tie (better for radio fodder, I'd guess). But, I think Kirwan's real vote is found in his last passage before pimping his radio show.

So after this breakdown it is a split decision, but if you like playoff football and division play Eli Manning is the winner. If you like regular season and personal achievements then Romo is the winner.

Yeah, I'd say that pretty much sums it up.

Still, it puts Cowboy fans in an difficult position. How does one say that Aikman was great because his team won many times in the playoffs and Super Bowl and then say that Romo is great because of his November dominance and in spite of his January disappointment? I mean, Aikman probably has the worst career statistics of any HOF QB. All Romo has in his favor is a year and a half of statistics and some lousy playoff performances. Can they both be 'great'?

I don't really have that problem. All my Giant QBs have been the win-ugly-just-get-it-done types. I'm much more comfortable with that than a smirking playboy who wants to be a pro golfer. Maybe that's just me, though.

Sports Potpourri

2008-06-12T12:02:00.006-04:00

I never post anymore. Ok, maybe almost never. Here's some sports stuff that's been rattling around my head lately.

Even Kobe Bryant knows that Curt Schilling Sucks. Apparently, our favorite marshmallow shaped hurler caught a Celtics-Lakers game and heard Kobe chirping at his teammates and generally being pissed off while losing. He of course had to write about it on his blog. You can read the bloated post itself, but the gist is that Kobe as a leader is sullen, cranky and tuned out by his teammates. On the other hand, the Celts were totally cool by Curt's standards. Ironically, in the same post, he says that the Manny Vs. Youk dust up is a total non-issue. Let's keep score: In the same post, Schilling draws many conclusions from the non-verbal cues of the Lakers and blows off an acutal fight during a game from his teammates. Curt Schilling Doesn't Suck 0, Curt Schilling Sucks 1. Oh, you don't think Curt's teammates rolled their eyes at him some times? They called him "Redlight" because he loved to talk anytime a camera was recording.

Kobe's reponse when this is brought up by the Boston Media? "Go Yankees". And while I had sided with the Celts going in to the Finals, I am now rooting for the Lakers because I hate Curt Schilling that much and the Celtics are guilty by association. I will admit however I feel a little bit like I've just aligned myself with Saddam Hussein against the Ayatollah. It's not a good feeling. I'll just close my eyes and pretend that it's Magic, Worthy and Kareem against the dirty Bird era Celtics.

After reading this post regarding the question "Is Phil Hughes injury prone?" I officially have a twinge of regret at refusing to include him for Santana. Maybe we can get CC for him?

Welcome Papi. Vote Obama.

All kinds of awesome news at Giants mini-camp. Plax is gonna hold out for more money (he should). Shockey is generally pissing everyone off (surprise) and Osi wants more money but says he'll play. Oh yeah, and Mike Strahan retired. Is this why it's so damn hard to repeat? Hopefully, not having to pay Strahan will free up some cap space to give those guys some more $$$ and maybe resign Chris Snee. But, I'm officially dialing down hopes for the season now. I wonder if the lack of leadership from Strahan and inevitable complacency will trip up the men in blue this season. If it does, I'll always have my Giants 5 DVD complete playoff run and Super Bowl set to watch over and over.

What the hell is wrong with the Yankees? They sit squarely at .500, 7 games behind the Boston Douchenozzles. Well, why is that? It's simple really. They are pitching worse than expected and hitting far worse than expected. Last year, the Yankees were 7th in runs allowed in the AL and this year they are 9th. This, actually is not unexpected, as we planned on breaking in some young pitchers and that has not gone well. In fact, seeing that it's gone as badly as it did, it's impressive that the Yankees are 9th. But still, that's not that big a drop and is not the real reason that the team is floundering. The real reason is offense. The Yankees are 6th in the AL and tied for 13th in MLB in runs scored. Last year, they led all of baseball, basically all year. That's the real problem. Losing Posada and A-Rod hurt. And Cano and Melky have been terrible. Posada and A-Rod are back now. Cano, you can expect to improve, but maybe it's time to give Brett Gardner a chance in CF. I believe that the pitching will improve in the second half. But if the Yanks are gonna make a run, they need the offense to start cranking.

BTW, the Yankees record on June 12, 2007? 31-31, just like today. Ended up with 94 wins.

I'm considering this banner ad

2008-05-29T17:32:00.003-04:00

Whaddya think?

BOOZE!

2008-05-29T09:35:00.004-04:00

I've been too busy with real life to blog anything recently. And, I've even fallen way behind on memes. I was tagged by Toast with a booze meme. Here goes.

1. Beer, wine, liquor, mixed drinks. Rank 'em.

1. Beer
2. Liquor
3. Mixed drinks
4. Wine
That said, I'm a newb to wine.

2. How often do you drink?

Used to be a lot. Now, not so much. Once a week?

3. Favorite Scotch?

Again, I'm a newb to this, too. After asking Toast for a "scotch for dummies" Toast hooked me up with MacCallans Twelve Year single malt. I really like it.

4. Favorite Bourbon?

Maker's Mark is nice. I don't drink bourbon anymore much. I went through a bourbon phase in college and I found myself an angry drunk then. I guess I associate it with that.

5. Favorite tequila?

Patron XO cafe. It's coffee flavored patron. Fantastic in my coffee on Sunday Mornings. Other than that, I like Sauza Hornitos.

6. Favorite Gin?

Bombay

7. Favorite Vodka?

Grey Goose. Half lemonade + half GG + loads of ice = fantastic hot summer day drink.

8. Favorite Rum?

Myers Dark. Love Rum and Diets...

9. Drunkest you've ever been?

As a wayyy too enthusiastic 17 year old freshman, I finished room golf at good ol' PSK in an hour and a half. Was carried home, puked everywhere in my room and lost control of my bodily functions. Good times! No, not really.

10. Red or White?

I say Red.

11. Best wine you've ever tasted?

Don't really know. I'm not much of a wine tasting guy.

12. Favorite type of wine?

Pinot Noir

13. Favorite every-day red?

I have an answer to one! Hahn Estates Cabernet Sauvignon. Very Drinkable.

14. Favorite every-day white?

None.

15. Best value wine?

Hahn. What's the difference between everyday and value? Who wouldn't drink the value every day?

16. Do you drink box?

Nope. My beer comes in a box of bottles though.

17. Fastest you've ever gotten drunk?

Drank a bottle of Rebel Yell Bourbon before a fraternity party we were having. Loaded by 8PM. I was obnoxious to every woman in sight, slipped and did a split on a wet dance floor and I'm told I slid right back up to a standing position a la James Brown. Woke up the next morning having puked in my favorite Yankee hat and with a very sore groin.

18. Longest you've ever stayed drunk?

Five days. I went to Mardi Gras in 1997. We arrived on Friday and left on Ash Wednesday. I believe I spent more on alcohol than I did on my room and flight combined.

19. Ever do anything you really regret while drunk?

Of course. Drove home from a strip club once, don't remember it and woke up in my car covered in puke. That sucked.

20. Favorite lager?

Corona is the only lager I usually buy. I am fond of many pilsners, namely grolsch or Pislner Urquell.

21. Favorite IPA?

Dogfish Head 60-minute IPA. It's probably my favorite beer right now. But, Bass has been one of the main loves of my life for 20 years. When my folks lived in England, I dragged them to the Bass brewery for a tour. Love me some Bass.

22. Favorite brown ale?

I'm with Toast. Newcastle. I'm very fond of Dogfishhead's Brown. So, Chocolate-ey and delicious. But Newcastle is a true classic

23. Favorite doppelbock?

Don't have one.

24. Favorite Belgian?

Ommegang.

25. Favorite stout?

Guinness. When I owned a bar, I used to say that Guiness, Bass and Sam Adams were the holy trinity of beers. One lager, one ale, one stout.

26. Favorite Winter Ale?

Sam Adams Winter Lager. I'm very excited when this comes out every year.

27. Favorite Scotch Ale?

McEwan's. It's far better than any other.

28. Favorite Other? (Because I realize this is getting abusive to non-beer-nerds.)

Magic Hat #9. Simply a great every-day drinking beer.

29. Favorite Brewery?

Magic Hat. Every beer they make is very good quality and they show a range that most brewers don't have. And their bottle caps have clever little messages.

30. Favorite mixed drink?

Rum and Diet Coke.

31. Favorite morning libation?

Mexican Coffee.

32. Do you suffer memory loss when you drink heavily?

When I drink heavily? Well, yeah. I don't often drink heavily enough that I don't remember, however.

33. Favorite place to drink?

Eli Cannon's Tap Room.

34. Favorite sports bar?

Toast and Tracy took me Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the Giants kick the Jets asses. I was in heaven. And Tracy was awesome enough to drink a whole 20 oz of Coors Light, just so I could take home a football shaped glass. I also like Hooters.

35. Ever consider AA?

Nope. Should I?

This one's for you, Hillary.

2008-05-21T08:49:00.001-04:00

side note: This song is also the ring tone of one particular person on my phone.

FridgePod

2008-05-20T11:38:00.003-04:00

Just got a new iPod, with the last one's hard drive having crapped out after only 3 months. In celebration, here's a shuffled 13 out of the 7000 or so tracks on this little silver dude.

1) Gene - "Love Don't Work" Revelations
Damn, I need to listen to these guys more. Great BritPop band.

2) The Donnas - "Just take me to the backseat" Spend The Night
"Do you need a map?
Let's skip the nightcap
I'll make it sticky sweet
Just take me to the backseat!"

3) Soundgarden - "Mailman" Superunknown
"I know I'm headed for the bottom
But I'm riding you all the way"
Five extra points for the sweet, sweet bitterness in this tune.

4) RATT - "In Your Direction" Out Of The Cellar
Easily, one of my favorite 80's hair metal albums ever. I have listened to this album hundreds of times. Maybe a thousand.

5) Snoop Dogg - "Who Am I? (What's my name?)" Doggystyle
"Snoop Doggy, Do-owww-ohhhh-oggg (the bomb)
Snoop Doggy, Do-owww-ohhhh-oggg
Snoop Doggy, Do-owww-ohhhh-oggg (the bomb)
Snoop Doggy, Do-owww-ohhhh-oggg (Dog)
Da-duh-da-da-dah"
I bought his new album, but haven't cracked it yet.

6) Dixie Chicks - "Not Ready To Make Nice" Taking The Long Way
I saw the documentary "Shut Up And Sing" that covers the making of this album after the Natalie Maines said she was ashamed that Dubya was from Texas. Enjoyable little movie. Notable things I learned:
- Natalie Maines (lead singer) is married to Nathan Petrelli.
- Chad from RHCP plays drums on the record.
- Rock/Hip Hop icon Rick Rubin was consulted for the record and has a dog that looks just like him.

7) Travis - "paperclips" 12 Memories
"I don't wanna be like you anymore
I don't wanna see your face at my door
And I'll never leave like you, that's for sure"
Wow. This is wrist-slitting music. Hope the next tune picks up.

8) KISS - "Christine Sixteen" The Very Best of KISS
"She's' been around, but she's young and clean
I've got to have her, can't live without her, whoo no
Christine sixteen, Christine sixteen"
Uh.... well, it's peppy. Creepy, for sure, but Peppy.

9) Snoop Dogg - "Gz and Hustlas" Doggy Style
YAY IPOD RANDOMIZATION! 7000 songs, can't make 9 before an album overlap. At least it's an all-time great album that's being repeated.

10) Tyler Bates - "Xerxes' final offer" 300 Soundtrack
THIS! IS! BRANFORD!

11) Notorious B.I.G. - "Living The Life" Duets: The Final Chapter
"Bitch, you crazy? Commitments, I'm Swayze
No time for the ill shit
Mess with the niggaz on that real blood spill shit
My rappin' tactics, are drastic
Stretchin' motherfuckers like Mr. Fantastic
So if you wanna see my Pedigree, you better be
filled with energy, niggaz never gettin' me"
One of my nicest benefits of separating from my ex? I am no longer held captive by her musical tastes and intolerance for mine (especially hiphop). Adios Garth-fucking-Brooks. Hello, B.I.G. BTW, third appearance by Snoop on this shuffle. He and Ludacris are on the track, too.

12) Modest Mouse - "Missed The Boat" We were dead before the ship even sank
"Everyone's unhappy
Everyone's ashamed
Well we all just got caught looking
At somebody else's page
Well nothing ever went
Quite exactly as we planned
Our ideas held no water
But we used them like a dam"
The official anthem of the Bush Administration. Very good album. One of my favorite guitarists, Johnny Marr, is on board.

13) The Donnas - "5 o'clock in the morning" Spend The Night
You know, when I picked this CD up in the bargain bin, I never imagined my ipod would be so fond of it.

I give this shuffle a b-. Too much The Donnas, for sure. Don't mind the Snoop repetition as much because he's fantastic.

Connecticut Beauty

2008-05-19T11:16:00.004-04:00

I parked the car, grabbed my ipod and coffee and got out. I looked up at a crystal clear, breezy azure sky. I walked toward my office and as I drew near, I noticed something. A plastic white shopping bag was spinning in an eddy near a corner of the building. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

That's when I picked up the fucking bag and threw it in the garbage. I mean, seriously, who needs that shit? I had to go to work. Stupid fucking bag made me late.

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T11:08:00.000-04:00

via videosift.com

Best Headline Ever?

2008-05-09T14:37:00.002-04:00

"Great tits cope well with warming"

Let it be said that I have extremely warm hands and I'm quite available for said warming.

Meme

2008-05-09T11:08:00.003-04:00

Dammit, I read Angelos, so I'm tagged.

1) Ten years ago I was...
Happily shacked up with my fiance who I am now in the process of divorcing. Wow, that's weird. Working with Toast and making almost nothing. Had a lot of fun at work, though. What a difference ten years makes.

2) Five things on today's to-do list:
a. Work on full text engine design
b. Buy Mom's cards for assorted Moms during lunch excursion
c. Hit the ATM
d. Leave a little early to facilitate...
e. ... taking the kids to the Circus!

3) Things I'd do if I were a billionaire:
Buy the NY Knicks as a fixer-upper with a prime location.
Unseat Joe Lieberman as Senator for the great state of Connecticut.
Have a band party with Iron Maiden in my backyard - complete with pyrotechnics.
End the barbaric practice of cat juggling.

4) Three bad habits:
Slacking on house cleaning.
Squeezing out a fart in the office.
Letting mail pile up in an amorphous blob on my counter.

5) Five places I've lived:
Pittsburgh, PA
Clinton, CT
Troy, NY
Mechanicsburg, PA
Branford, CT

Those are basically in order, although there's an extra Troy in between Mechanicsburg and Branford and more stuff after Branford.

6) Six jobs I've had in my life:
Cook at a seafood restaurant.
Bagger at Grocery Store (1 day, then I quit).
Assembler of Black and Decker WorkMates and True Temper wheelbarrows.
Co-Owner of a Pub.
Production Programmer, BOP Line of Business.
Senior Software Engineer.

Also in order.

I give this meme a C. I tag only my brother in the comments.

I dream of Joe?

2008-05-08T13:08:00.006-04:00

So, these two little outbreak monkeys I live with (they call me Dad) brought home a nice little ebola virus for me to wrestle with. A stomach bug. I spent Tuesday night expelling fluid from my body at an impressive rate and not sleeping at all. Then, after I managed to get my kids off to school Wednesday morning, I crawled back to bed. But, I was curious what was being said about the Obama-Clinton primary results. So, I put on MSNBC and drifted in and out of sleep to talking heads and dueling victory speech repeats whilst spooning a Labrador. This combination of dehydration, exhaustion and furry cuddliness led me to a fascinating and weird dream.

I dreamt of Joe Lieberman.

In my dream, I won the CT lottery. The first thing I did was set up a trust for my kids (ever practical, even in dreams). The second thing I did was begin a "recall Joe" movement to recall Leiberdouche as my senator (pretty sure this is only possible in my dreams). I used my new found power and wealth to batter Joe and dominate the political discussion. The recall was successful and by popular demand, I was begged by my supporters to challenge Joe for his seat. I humbly accepted and began my campaign. I was universally beloved by republicans and democrats alike because of my sheer awesomeness. And when it came to the debate, I sliced and diced Joe like Inigo Montoya sliced and diced the six fingered man. I even made Joe Leiberman weep on television. (I'm pretty sure that last bit is a dreamy reflection on an AP history class in high school where, in recreating a debate from the 1796 presidential election, I made a girl cry - I was John Adams and I totally kicked ass.) I went to the Senate.

It was a cool dream. Unfortunately, I woke up, I was still not rich and Joe Lieberman was still my senator. Even worse, I felt like I had been hit like a truck, I was covered in yellow hairs and my dog was snoring.

Top Ten Most Disappointing Democrats Since 2006

2008-05-06T14:34:00.008-04:00

Well... Here we are. If it's Tuesday, there must be a primary going on somewhere. There's been so many of these goddamned things that I feel like a drunken roadie waking up on a tour bus wondering if this is Long Beach, CA or Sarasota, FL. We democrats have two candidates for the presidential nod remaining, right? It's been a while since I've seen anything about it on the news. If I recall correctly, one of them is a calculating, increasingly crazy person who will stop at nothing to win. And if memory serves, the other is a highly personable, intellectual and charismatic guy who appears to feel that he's above the down and dirty politics it will likely take to put his pugnacious opponent away. Despite their faults, both of them have policies far superior to John McCain's, who is quite loony. I'm told we face the most important election of our lifetime... well, at least since the last one. And both of our candidates are polling better than the McCain. And head to head, McCain's cranky geezer "don't bother me with facts, just trust me" demeanor is sure to hurt him next to their younger more passionate styles. We SHOULD be ok. Right? I should be fired up. Right?

I am fatigued. Check that. I'm fucking tired of this. I don't even want to flip on Olbermann tonight to watch him and Tweety project winners. I actually feel bad for the Daily Show writers who are probably watching Chris Walken in the Deer Hunter and comparing that to the prospect writing more jokes about primary season and thinking, "Hmm, that doesn't seem so bad".

It shouldn't be like this. This should be a year of crowning achievement of Liberalism over eight years of Bush. It's not. It's frankly, given where we were in 2006 this is a miserable failure. This is not to say that we're doomed or that a theoretical nominee won't win in November. But this is a mess and there should be a reckoning.

Being a Democrat today is a lot like being a Knick fan today. Each given a deck that should be stacked in their favor, but you simply can't believe how people can continually fuck it up. In 2006, we were riding high. Talk of winning the Presidency, both houses and a new contract with America were the rage. We had a new speaker of the house and surpris! it was a GILF-ish woman with nice cans for once, instead of a crusty old white guy. I was fired up. How the hell did we get here? I don't know, but I have a good idea of who's responsible.

So, I present to you the top ten most disappointing Democrats since 2006. To be clear, the disappointment is measured relative to the hopes I had for each person on the list. Some of here because of their actions. Some are here because they didn't act.

10) Russ Feingold - Really, I think it should be you here as the nominee. You have it all, a real fighters instinct, mid-western bonafides and an impressive track record of being totally fucking right. But, you decided to stay in the Senate saying you would be more effective at bringing about "change" from that position than campaigning from President. We all knew the truth was you were afraid of Hillary.

9) Nancy Pelosi - Frankly, she's done a pretty decent job and has actually forced the President to use his veto several times. And sure, there's a dumb trip to Syria and the mere fact that she's gay-friendly and from San Francisco to fire up the wingers. But the reason she's on this list is her endorsement. There isn't one yet and that's crazy man. (Fact check me here: I'm pretty sure I didn't miss that).

8) Al Gore - I understand why he didn't run. Really, I do. But, Al... dude...

7) Dennis Kucinich - I like Dennis. But, he's goofy both in policies and persona and that stuff rubs off on "liberals". What's really unfair about it is that the crazies on the right don't seem to stain "conservatives" the same way. Still, he got way to much pub for my taste.

6) George Stephanopolous - That fucking debate was total bullshit. I watched the War Room and thought, hey, here's a cool kind of democrat. On the right side of the issues, but not so wussy to be afraid to get dirty in the political arena. Now, I realize he's just like the rest of the core Clinton players. Cocky, arrogant, ruthless dicks.

5) Howard Dean - O RLY? This is what you do? You go from "yeaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!" to a DNC chairman who allows this debacle to happen? WTF, Howie? ARRGGHGHGGH!!!!!!

4) Harry Reid - Take the same basic criticisms of Pelosi for staying out of this stupid destructive primary and then compound it with easily the worst Senate leadership I could have imagined. I wish we could have a national recall vote on the bastard. Supposed to be a pugnacious fighter, he's been as soft and sweet as a daisy to the Bush Administration.

3) Bill Clinton - Know what? Fuck you, Bill Clinton. I shook your hand once and now I wish I had coughed up a loogie in it first. I defended the guy until my head hurt to every ditto-head-douchnozzle from here to ends of the internet and this is how he repays me (and the many others who did the same)? By being a red-faced Sancho Panza to his wife's Dame Quioxte? Fuck you, Bill.

2) Hillary Clinton - When the right painted her as a conniving, calculating machiavellian bitch, I had no idea how right they were. Sure, I'll vote for her over the loony old man if necessary. But I'm not gonna be able to defend her from the crazies on the right the way I did her husband. She's all the ambition of the man without the resume of competence, in my opinion. She's an example of the worst in politics. Her stated policies happen to agree with mine mostly, but I can't really support her against any credible Democrat.

1) Barack Obama - He's number one on this list because my expectations were sky high. On paper, he's like an NBA lottery pick with treeemendous upside. But, he's also like the one of those first round NBA draft picks who's used to softer zone defenses in college and then gets a few elbows in the mouth in the pros and loses his game.

-begin plea-

Barack. Dude It's time to come down off the ivory tower, get dirty and finish Hillary off. Politics has no place for a person who feels himself above politics. This should be easy for you. But while he's busy turning the other cheek, Hillary, McCain and apparently Rev Wright are having a fine old time beating the living shit out of you.

Americans want a president who won't drag the country down into the mud we've been in for the past 8 years. But we also want one who will stand and fight. You should be good at that. You're from Chicago, right? It's the Chicago way.

-end plea-

Now, go get it done, BO!

Scattergories Meme

2008-05-04T09:13:00.003-04:00

I've never played Scattergories, but Toast tagged everybody so here goes.
1. What is your name? Erik.
2. A four-letter word: Even (closest curse I could think of was Eat Me, but that's 5 letters and two words).
3. A vehicle: The mythical EV1.
4. A city: Edinburgh.
5. A boy's name: Ethan.
6. A girl's name: Emma - my daughter's name
7. Alcoholic drink: Egg Nog
8. An occupation: Electrician
9. Something you wear: I cheated and had to do some research. I couldn't think of anything that you wear that starts with E. I eventually found Espadrilles.
10. A celebrity:

11. A food: Escarole
12. Something found in a bathroom: electric hair dryer.
13. Reason for being late: "Why did you take your shoes off? We just put them on! I don't care you don't want to go to school. Put your coat on!"
14. Something you shout: Eek!
15. An animal: Elephant
16. A body part: Ear.

Having completed this meme and remaining relatively unmoved by it, I tag no one.

The NFL Champion Giants At The White House

2008-05-01T17:48:00.002-04:00

This is the future

2008-05-01T17:40:00.002-04:00

Damn, I need one of these right now.

You cannot stop the Bear Grylls Post

2008-04-28T21:36:00.004-04:00

You can only hope to contain it.

Little did I know when I whipped up an MS paint thought bubble over a hunky picture of Bear Grylls that this would be the post that would drive the most users to this blog. Yep, this is my most famous post.

In the months that followed, comments from the Bear Grylls Fanclub bubbled up on the blog pretty steadily at the rate of about 1 crazy person every two weeks. Here are the best ones.

FUCK... YOU... FUCKTARD. you obviously dont understand anything he does, try doing ONE of the things he does, any one. furthermore, do you think you'd do so good in a situation that he goes into, without the stuff you learn from hi. oh, and nice photo shopping, kudos to the 9 year old that did a speech bubble in paint

I'm not nine, I'm 38, but thanks.

You dont be hatin my bear grylls because you couldnt do half the shit he does.........he climbed everest bitch..........you probably live with your parents in the basement you dumb fag go eat a zebra wait bear already did that... boner jockey

Go eat a zebra?

I LOVE BEAR GRYLLS. hes awsom eand has a hilairiouse personality.

Even Bear Grylls couldn't fix this spelling. Not even if he parachuted into a library with only a Webster's Dictionary and Roget's Thesaurus.

Okay yes its true Bear did fake it, but why don;t you try and have a family while going out every other week to shoot your self surviving. I still watch his show for tips.
YourMom | 04.28.08 - 7:05 pm |

Mom? You too?

Well, since new episodes of our favorite show start on May 2nd, I thought it might be a good idea to revisit why Bear Grylls sucks.

Item #1
See how clever editing makes Bear look like he's n the middle of nowhere when really he's a short walk from a busy road.

Item #2
See how they shoot one episode in the same place they shot Jurassic Park. Stick around to the end to see the terrible wild Infants of Hawaii! Incredibly dangerous beasties!

Item #3
See the lengths they go to in order to fake things. Fake built rafts, dudes in bear suits and even buying a rabbit just to pretend he caught it, kill it and eat it. This last one is the most devastating, IMO.

Given all this, I would like to declare that the official survival expert of BuzzingFridge is Les Stroud of Survivorman. He doesn't have a crew. He's a filmmaker, too and sets up all his cameras himself. No assistance and so far, no cheating. Suck on that, Bear Grylls!

Super Bling

2008-04-01T14:32:00.004-04:00

For your viewing pleasure. And yes, I had a very nice time yesterday with a bunch of Pats fans, thanks for asking.

My Gift To You

2008-04-01T10:40:00.002-04:00

Er, um, well... Wired's gift to you - Top 10 April Fool's Pranks for Nerds.

I just pulled #4 on a co-worker.

4. Optical Mouse Confusion This is an update of the old mouse-ball-removal trick: A small piece of tape over the laser sensor on an optical mouse will cause it to go haywire. Just color the nonstick side of the tape with a Sharpie and then tape it over the lens.

A Wired.com reader last year reported that someone at a major tech company (it rhymes with 'Frisco') was fooled by this trick four times in a single day. Sometimes the simplest pranks are the most enjoyable.

Might have screwed up his day, but I loved it. I'm gonna do it again to someone else. In other related news, they may find my corpse in a ditch later today.

And if you really hate your co-workers, open this image full screen on their pc.

Once they realize their monitor's not cracked, they'll thank you for showing them how futile it is to be attached to earthly possessions.

Thursday List of Top 5 Things that Suck

2008-03-27T09:30:00.002-04:00

New feature. A weekly list of things that I run across that makes me think, "wow, that really sucks". Items listed in reverse order of suckiness.

5) Dancing with the Stars - Sorry Toast. This show is ridiculous. No TV show should be built around Penn (of Penn and Teller) dancing a cha cha. Or Adam Corolla. It's unwatchably stupid. The ballroom chicks are ridiculously hot, too, so I keep trying to watch it but can't

4) The New York Knicks - They've sucked for a long time but now they've entered the the home stretch that emphasizes the lamest part of the NBA - tanking games to climb the in the lottery. The NBA is the one league where having a high lottery pick really can change the face of the franchise. So the not-so-secret effort to lose games is in full force. At least it looks like they'll have a new GM to make that pick.

3) Jay Leno - Furious, Tart and Angelos agree.

2) George Fucking Will - He'd love to think that he's William F. Buckley's heir apparent to the mantle of right-wing pretentious pedant, but he's really just a dickhead.

1) Hillary Clinton - and she's gonna stay in the #1 spot until she sobers up and drops out of the race. Because this shit is ridiculous.

Top 5 Reasons it sucks to be an Engineering Student

2008-03-24T11:02:00.003-04:00

From Wired's Science blog.

5. Awful Textbooks
Thick, dry, black and white manuscripts are rarely a source of inspiration and sometimes can cause loads of confusion. Often, the text is poorly written and interrupted by lengthy equations with symbols that are different from those used by the professor during lectures.

4. Professors are Rarely Encouraging
During each class, a professor that would rather be tending to his research will waltz up to a blackboard or overhead projector and scribble out equations for an hour without uttering a single sentence to create some excitement.

3. Dearth of Quality Counseling
College students may not have a sense for how to build their resume and they might be clueless about the variety of career opportunities that await them. Unfortunately, some academic advisers do little more than post fliers about internships and hand out a checklist of classes to take. They should make some projections about the future job market, learn about the interests of each young scholar, and offer them tailored advice for how to best prepare themselves.

2. Other Disciplines Have Inflated Grades
Brilliant engineering students may earn surprisingly low grades while slackers in other departments score straight As for writing book reports and throwing together papers about their favorite zombie films.

Some professors view undergraduate education as a type of natural selection, but their analogy is flawed. Many of the brightest students may struggle while mediocre scholars can earn top scores because they have a larger group of supportive friends to or more time to dedicate to studying.

1. Every Assignment Feels the Same
Nearly every homework assignment and test question is a math problem. Only a few courses require creativity or offer hands on experience.

Every one of these rings true for me. The core engineering curriculum (at least as it was in the 80's at RPI) is designed to batter your brain into a particular mode of thinking that's particularly useful when solving engineering problems. The thing is that it's stifling. For ninety percent of the questions you are asked, there is but one correct answer. What is the fun in that? It breeds orthodoxy in thought and I despised that. It's repetitive. I can remember thinking several times, "this is the same class I took last semester. Only the crib sheet of equations I get to take to the exam has changed."

The teachers can be awful. With regards to #'s 4 and 5, I recall one professor that stands out. His name was Marcelo Crespo Da Silva - Machine Dynamics. He seemed to hate us, well not me in particular. He liked me. Seemed to hate almost everyone else.

Reason #5 mentions bad text books. This "textbook" was probably the cheapest textbook I ever bought. I think it cost $15 bucks but I had to go to the copy department of the library, not the bookstore to get it. That's because it was a bound copy of Crespo Da Silva's long-hand written text and hand written drawings. The dude's handwriting was damn near impossible to read and the drawings were shit. The book was worthless. See, ol' Crespo couldn't get it finished and published in time. So we used his notes. Terrible.

Reason #4 is that professors are discouraging. Well, I'll never forget the day that Crespo walked into the class and said, "How many of you are second semester seniors?" About 2/3 the class raised their hands. He followed by saying, "That's very dissapointing. First, it's disappointing that we can produce engineers that cannot understand this material at a basic level. Second, I'm disappointed that I can't give you the failing grades you deserve because too many of you would fail and it might impact graduation." Not the most nurturing environment.

Note that this is not to say that other disciplines don't have tough/distant teachers. But, in as much as Engineers in general trend toward lacking social graces, their professors can be doubly so. The core curriculum is seen as a necessary evil or a bridge that must be crossed. It's too bad, because while they're beating this stuff into kids heads they're stifling creativity.

It certainly did me. Eventually, I had a meltdown, stopped going to class before I finally withdrew and went home. I felt that "I wasn't an engineer. It's just that I'm cursed because I'm so damn good at it." I worked in a restaurant. Then a factory. Then a pragmatic desire for good pay sent me back to school to finish the engineering degree. Still, I sneered at my chosen profession. When I graduated, I blew it off entirely and opened a bar with my Dad.

It wasn't until I jumped on the 90's computer bandwagon, which became the dot-com explosion that I really became an engineer in practice. It's not at all like engineering school. I can be creative and do my job, in fact, the results are far better when I do. There are a hundred different choices in solving a complex problem and there is no single "right answer" (of course, some answers I prefer greatly to others). Even so, it took many years for me to understand that I really AM an engineer and I'm not be disappointed in that. I'm an excellent engineer. I like being an engineer. I never would have imagined that during my junior year at RPI. That's too bad.

Sunday Morning Potpourri

2008-03-23T09:40:00.005-04:00

Man, life is a funny, funny thing. It's Easter Sunday Morning and my kids are 10 minutes away in a small house with their Mom and her deadbeat boyfriend. This, of course, should make me sad, no? Why doesn't it. Why is it that I'm cruising around my house, listening to my "Sunday AM" playlist and dancing with my labrador (not exactly. But, when I get my groove on, she gets excited and hops up and down)? I mean, just a few posts ago, I was whinin' like a wussy to you folks (Nice job, BTW). What's on tap for today? A little blogging, going into my office to wrap up some stuff and then back home for some laundry, slippers, beer and taxes. Why the hell would I be excited about that? Dunno. But today, life feels good.

So, here's a Sunday AM, feeling happy, brain and link dump.

Ok, someone needs to shake the shit out of Hillary and tell her that her campaign has reached a quixotic pinnacle of futility and it's time for her to step aside. I'm totally available for such a gig.

LOST hurts my head. I love it truly, deeply and completely, but it hurts my head. That bad dude is gay? Michael keeps having visions of Libby? Who the hell sniped those folks at the end?

Kinetic Typography

Lye

Nobody fucks with the Jesus

I am merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man who he is

Inward Singing

What?

P-Krug says "I was right, bitchez"

Ok, let's say, hypothetically you're going through a divorce. Then let's say you're maybe a bit lonely around Valentine's Day. So, ok, you may breakdown and sign up for eharmony, because they pummel you with those insipid commercials with disgustingly happy people that make you sneer (when secretly, being disgustingly happy seems surprisingly appealing). Ok. Let's say all that happens. This is what will follow. You're fucking inbox will be spammed with approximately a googol of matches(remember that 'googol' is a number? This was before Google hi-jacked it and Googolplex, misspelled it and decided to take over the earth). These ridiculously numerous matches will do two things: They will fist undercut the key marketing differentiator of "matching on 30 something different criteria" - can there be instantly 30 something matches for a person on 40-whatever levels? Bah! You will call "bullshit"! and b) they will reduce you to a gelatinous glob curled in the fetal position, hiding from your gmail and quietly whispering "mommy..." You see, you're not ready for this. Not at all. You have shit to take care of. A lot of shit. It's shit that's best handled in a nice, neat, engineering-style linear fashion. You're lining up this shit that you have to do into nice manageable shitty dominoes that will fall predictably one after the other until all the shit is done. You can't actually be considering dating someone before you take care of all that shit, can you? Of course not. But, the matches won't stop. There's no respite. They keep matching and matching until you spend an hour plumbing the depths of the site looking for the goddamn "off" switch. You'll find it and sigh in relief, but it's not over yet. You'll get emails saying "Pricilla in Darien requests communication". Ack! What does that even mean? You'll pretend it didn't happen because when in doubt what you did in 5th grade still works great today. Then someone who "requested communication" will "nudge" you. This will be terrifying. Because it doesn't just mean that they randomly clicked matches and said, "wtf, lemme request some communication from this dork". They went back, took a second look and said, "Dude. I requested some communication from you and you blew me off. What the hell?" You'll waver. You'll look at their profile. Maybe they're a bit interesting. Maybe they really could be ok with all the shit you have to do and you would have enough left over to share with them. But, you'll know that you really won't have enough to do both. You know yourself and will realize that you're really better off starting this kind of stuff when you have time to really spend on it. And right now you won't. I mean, maybe it's Easter Sunday for godssake and maybe you're going into work, even if there's a significant chance you'll get canned on Monday. But, perhaps the fact remains that your last relationship suffered in part because you decided to put too many priorities ahead of it. You won't want to do that again. So, you'll keep your focus on your dominoes of shit to do.

Just a fair warning, people. That's what's gonna happen.

This is what makes South Park one of the greatest shows ever. Can a show be disgusting, chilling, funny and a biting social commentary? Yes it can.

I could probably give you seven minutes

2008-03-18T17:29:00.001-04:00

if you don't move around too much...

Because we love Memes

2008-03-18T15:56:00.002-04:00

Tart and Chemist have memes people. They're not prolific taggers, but I've never been one to be to shy to invite myself to a party.

First up, found at Tart's (via Kona) is a middle name meme . As usual, it begins with rules:

1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.
2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don’t have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother’s maiden name).
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person (or blogger of another species) for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged.)

J ay-z has been dominating my iPod for a few weeks now.

O f course I'd be forced to sell my house when the market is collapsing.

H enry is my Dad's middle name and his Dad's first name. John is my middle name and my Dad's first name. Erik is my son's middle name and my first name. Son, don't you screw up the roll we're on!

N asal passages. Mine are narrow and I get plugged up in the winter with colds and in the winter and allergies in the summer. Dammit.

There you go. The rules say I should tag 4, but this meme ain't that cool. Play if you want to.

Next, Chemist posts 15 things he's done that maybe we haven't. (Note url of link says 14. I'm confused).

The original post he links to has just 10 things. So, I get the idea that 15 isn't required. Good thing because I don't think I can come up with 15(or 14 things for that matter).

Here goes:
1) I skipped the third grade.
2) Until 4th grade I was one of four white kids at a predominately black school.
3) I once shook hands with three people at one political rally at a truck stop in Pennsylvania who either were or would eventually be running for president.
4) For part of my college life, going "home" for holidays meant hopping on a British Airways with flight attendants with the smokin' hot british accents and going to the UK.
5) I once saw a man running down the street in the nude firing a handgun.
6) I was once arrested for for disorderly conduct for "failure to disperse". Note: the semantics of a police report will not get you out of paying a fine.
7) I once made a girl cry during a re-enactment of the John Adams - Thomas Jefferson presidential debates. I was Adams and she was pwned.
8) As a kid, I had a dog named Boner.
9) I got into every college I applied to, meaning I got shitty advice from my high school that I took.
10) I've never broken a bone. Ligaments, cartilage and muscles? Not so lucky.

had to stretch there for #10. Again, feel free to meme if you want to.

Evil Empire Extends Squid-Like Tentacles to engulf NCAA team

2008-03-18T15:16:00.004-04:00

That's what Yankee haters might say about today. Of course, in reality, the Yankees did a nice thing today in bringing the entire team of starters (minus Matsui) to play an exhibition with Virginia Tech.

In addition to this, evil George Steinbrenner donated a million dollars to the Hokies Memorial Spirit fund. Damn Yankees.

FYI, Games being streamed for free at MLB.TV.

Good Job Yankees. And kudos to the Boss for writing the big check.

This Blog Sucks

2008-03-12T11:32:00.003-04:00

Seriously. It does. Especially recently as I've had little time nor ideas to share with anyone who randomly falls down a hole in the internet and ends up here. What have I been doing?

1) Getting a Divorce - This is a major pain in the ass. It's far harder to get a divorce than get married. Logic says it should be the other way around.

2) Putting one of my dogs to sleep - Again, this sucked. Never actually did this before. At age 13, he was slowly declined and then all of a sudden, he began to decline very rapidly. I could handle the shaky arthritic back half, the vomiting and the accidents in the house. But, he began to de-compensate mentally. Cognitive dysfunction, the vet said, which basically meant he got increasingly senile and anxious. He was often disoriented and panicky. He really only calmed down when I was there. It got to the point where I was concerned for my kids and my other dog and realized that it was time. I miss you, buddy.

3) Chaos at work - can't elaborate because my co-workers discovered this blog. Hey, there co-working folks! See you guys at the coffee machine!

4) Planning the future for Fridge Infrastructure 2.0. Item #1 has caused a need for rebuilding. There's much to be done. More on this later (maybe?).

So that's what I've been focusing on. As such, nothing original or interesting to share with you peeps (not that I had much before). Didn't even get to the enormous "anatomy of a championship team" roster analysis post I had planned for the Giants or a review of my Yankee off-season plans versus what actually happened. Probably never will.

Anyway, people. That's my lame-ass excuse for not posting. What's yours for continuing to show up here?

This meme is awesome

2008-03-03T16:32:00.005-05:00

Now, here's a great meme. Manuel tagged me and I am happy to comply.

Instructions: Look up 15 of your favorite films on IMDb and take a quote from each. List them below. When someone guesses the quote correctly, cross it off the list. Leave a comment with your answers. And NO CHEATING.

Excellent! I love movie quotes. Here we go!

1) ~~To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.~~ (chemist)

2) ~~There's something out there. That... that witch in the cellar is only part of it. It lives... out in those woods, in the dark... something... something that's come back from the dead.~~ (Mike)

3) ~~Tell me, who was it you left me for? Was it Laszlo, or were there others in between? Or - aren't you the kind that tells?~~ (VMH)

4) ~~Greetings from The Humungus! The Lord Humungus! The Warrior of the Wasteland! The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla!~~ (Toast)

5) You don't seem to want to accept the fact you're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare, with a man who's the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. A man who's been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke. (chemist)

6) ~~We'd better get back, 'cause it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night... mostly.~~ (manuel)

7) ~~Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants?~~ (Angelos)

8) You see, I have no intentions of breaking down her prejudices. I want her to believe in God and virtue and the sanctity of marriage, and still not be able to stop herself. I want the pleasure of watching her betray everything that is most important to her. Surely you can understand that. I thought betrayal was your favorite word. (manuel)

9) ~~Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.~~ (chemist)

10) ~~I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.~~

11) ~~I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now, I'm very hungry!~~ (manuel)

12) ~~I drink your milkshake!~~ (chemist)

13) Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist,I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline. (Tart)

14) ~~Bitch, you don't have a future.~~ (chemist)

15) ~~I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.~~ (Mike)

I tag: Toast, Senor Furious, All three of the Howards,
Angelos, Chemist and Tart.

UPDATE: Thanks for playing! Mike finished it off at 6:35 AM ET Best. Meme. Ever.

This meme is too much work

2008-03-03T14:09:00.004-05:00

Here's a meme that Angelos described as more like homework than any other. Then he tagged me. Thanks.

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. List 7 random/weird things about your favorite historical figure.
3. Tag seven more people at the end of your blog and link to theirs.
4. Let the person know they have been tagged by leaving a note on their blog.

First of all, you know I don't ever let anyone tell me how many people to tag. Screw you. This is my blog and if your meme reaches an internet endpoint here then so be it. I may or may not choose to propagate.

Second of all, I don't have a "favorite" historical figure. So, I had to find one. The best I could do was remembering how I read a book about Ghengis Khan when I was 9 (mostly because it had a wicked cool Frank Frazetta-esque cover) that I absolutely loved.

Here goes:

1) Ghengis Khan killed his own brother in a dispute over hunting spoils. His family was basically penniless at this time, but Ghengis took charge. This is how he locked himself in as head of the family at a young age.

2) Ghengis Khan he founded the mongol empire, which was the largest contiguous empire in history. That's bad ass.

3) It is thought that you can trace 8% of Asia's population to Ghengis Khan's DNA. That's also .5 percent of all people. Ghengis Khan's pimp hand was strong.

4) Here is a picture of Khan's empire at his death. It's big.

5) The Mongol Empire under Ghengis practiced Religious Tolerance.

6) Ghengis tried to follow Taoist teachings for a while, until he learned that the monk teaching him didn't have a machine to make him immortal. Seriously, I think this is the right way to go with religion. If it can't do anything for you, why put up with it?

7) The Mongol Empire under Ghengis practiced strict meritocracy. But, the exception was Ghengis' family. This is how you spread your DNA to 8% of Asia, people. Unnaturally select your peeps to be rich bastards.

There ya go. Ghengis was a bad man. I tag only Manuel. Rules be damned.

Kid gets purple heart with Happy Meal

2008-02-28T16:18:00.004-05:00

It's not the best picture (camera phone), but if you look at this handsome young man's forehead, you'll see a red mark. That red mark was made by teeth. Yes, someone bit my son on the forehead at McDonald's.

How the hell did this happen? Well, I'm not really sure. This is one of those McDonald's with a play scape - kind of a habitrail for human children. I usually let my kids get a bit of the manic energy out before we eat. So, I waited in line to order while they took their shoes off and played. The play area was packed. It's total chaos so I can't pay close attention to them. But they can't get out of there without me seeing them and I figure they're safe. Just after I order, I look back and see Emma walking a truly traumatized Jonny over to me. He's got a weird mark on his forehead but he's holding his composure like a teary little soldier. Initially, it looks like he was struck with forehead the end of a 1 inch pipe. I think, how the hell did he fall and get that? That toddler climbing thing is padded everywhere. So, I look closer and try and imagine what could have done that. That's when I see the teeth marks. A near perfect circle of teeth. I'm shocked. I say, "JB! Did someone bite you?" He musters up a "yeah..." and then loses it.

Now I'm stuck in line waiting for a couple Happy Meals and what I'd really like to be doing is assembling a line up so the victim can identify the perpetrator of this heinous act. I'm ready to begin the interrogation of this child by stuffing the little bastard in a garbage can. A concerned Mom in the next line over asks me what happened (they do that, those concerned moms... It's like a club when you have little kids. People who would never talk to you under normal circumstances all of a sudden have lots to say to you. It's kinda like how Harley riders give each other that little salute when they pass each other. Well, only not that cool by any stretch of the imagination. I'm in the concerned mother club) and I say, "somebody bit him." Well, there are some Mom's for whom this is a huge deal - the kind of moms who'd like to pack their kids in styrofoam until College Graduation... for them it's an excuse to panic - and this is one of those moms. She immediately scoots into the play area and decides to declare that there's a biter in our midst (!) and cause a full ruckus. The other moms leap into action. Frantically they scoop up their children and toss them into minivans. The rumor spreads like wildfire. It even makes it back to Emma, who comes over and says, "Hey dad, there's someone biting in there!" "Yeah, they bit your brother..." "Oh Yeah! I forgot!" Er, thanks for checking in, Em. The play place clears out. I should have had the managers lock the doors! Now the suspect has surely fled!

We sit down to eat, not inside the play area because Jonny is having none of that. Did you know someone bit him in there? I make sure that Jonny can see the play area though and I sit next to him so we can try and identify the perp, should he still be here and not on his way home to go to bed. One by one, I ask Jonny. "Is that him?" "No." "How bout that one?" "No." Damn. The trail is getting cold. There is one promising lead, though. There's a kid. He's 5 or so and has got dark hair (as Jonny described his attacker) and looks like, well, kind of an asshole. "JB. What about that guy? He looks shifty..." "No." "You sure?" "Yeah". Dammit!

I go into CSI mode. Bite radius! Maybe I can guess how old he is. I look at the circle. It's very small, maybe a little over an inch in diameter. "Emma," I say, "open your mouth." Hmmm... much smaller than Emma's "JB. Open yours." Definitely smaller still than JB's. That puts the perp at an age younger than our 4 year old victim. Probably closer to 1 1/2 or 2 years old. This makes a lot of sense. That's when most kids go through a biting phase - heck, Jonny did. There's one kid left in the place who fits the description. Dark hair, young. "Jonny, look at that kid. Is that the guy?" "No daddy." "Are you sure, buddy? It's ok to tell me if it is." "No, I just want to snuggle you, daddy." No justice for us today. Jonny seems to have an easier time with that than me.

Later, after eating and many, many assurances from his sister that she hadn't been bitten and it was safe, Jonny finally dares to re-enter the climbing area and come down the slide. He runs over to me with a big smile and exclaimed, "Daddy! No one bit me!"

"Woo Hoo, buddy! One in a row!"

123 Book Meme

2008-02-14T10:01:00.004-05:00

I've been tagged by Toast with this simple meme.

Instructions:

1. Grab the nearest book (that is at least 123 pages long).
2. Open to p. 123.
3. Go down to the 5th sentence.
4. Type in the following 3 sentences.
5. Tag five people.

Here are the next three sentences.

The degree of opacity is specified by an alpha value, which is sometimes seen together with RGB as ARGB(Alpha-RGB). The Alpha value ranges from 0 to 255, where 0 is completely transparent and 255 is completely opaque. Instead of using a constructor, you create a Color object by using the FromArgb method, passing brightness settings of red, green and blue.

That riveting passage on basic GDI programming is from the nearest book to me while I sit at my desk. It's from a truly excellent book I got in 2004 about Windows Forms Programming in C# by Chris Sells. I later saw Sells present a few Topics at the Microsoft PDC in 2005. He was funny as hell. For my money, he's one of the best writers on Microsoft technologies around (He also co-wrote Essential .NET with Don Box). As of that PDC, he had just joined the development team of the WCF. Don't know whether that's still true or not.

So, not very interesting in terms of being a window into my soul or anything, but fun little meme. I won't tag 5 people because I'm passive aggressive like that, but I will tag Manuel.

Valentine's Day Sucks

2008-02-14T09:40:00.003-05:00

I hate it, and for good reason. And not just for the cliche reasons that it's manufactured and arbitrary - which of course it is. Not because most men secretly resent having to gin up some B.S. romantic escapade on a random Thursday knowing that tomorrow, their ladies will mostly be comparing notes and trying to gauge where their man's efforts rank in the general romantic gift/evening population (although the certain sex helps). Not because of the absurd competition for presents, roses from Guatemala and reservations at hotels and restaurants that can really drive a guy nuts. Not because of the futility of trying find a stupid Hallmark card that can represent actual feelings of love. Everybody knows that stuff.

Nope, I have specific reasons to hate today. Reasons that aren't about love and bitterness in general, but this day in particular. The details of these reasons probably aren't best suited for discussion on a blog, but suffice to say that somebody done did me wrong. It involved Valentine's Day. And every year on this day I'm reminded of it.

Today, my iPod is shuffling on the "fuck you" playlist. So, take your la-de-la-lovey-dovey bullshit elsewhere. Check back tomorrow for good humor and moderation.

TOP 5 Reality Shows I've been forced to watch because of the WGA Strike

2008-02-11T14:52:00.000-05:00

In the absence of my favorite shows on TV, I've been forced to pick up other forms of entertainment. I've been playing a little Battlefield 2. I've been re-watching the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl over and over. I've actually been getting to some of the organizational tasks I've been meaning to for so long. I've been shredding Guitar Hero III and blowing up zombies in Resident Evil 4 on the Wii. I've been watching Arrested Development on DVD. I've been watching my roomba torment my two dogs. In short, there's been plenty of stuff to do without Heroes, BSG, etc. while the writers fight valiantly for their just compensation. And of course, there's been the rare mid-season revelation of Terminator The Sarah Connor Chromicles (very long title, btw - hereafter known as TSCC).

Still, I've also meandered up and down the guide to watch some reality TV that I wouldn't have glanced at before now. Here are the ones I've come to enjoy.

1) MythBusters (DSC)- Most everyone has probably seen this show at least in clips. A couple of special effects guys lead a team of shop nerds into trying to recreate famous myths. I've watched it on and off since it came out. Once the WGA strike came, it got "season pass" TiVo status. So far, my favorite episode is the episode where they tried to build a rocket that might have been built at the end of the civil war. Apparently, there was a myth that a rocket was built that was fired on Washington DC from nearly 100 miles away. In the process, they almost burned down their shop but managed to build working missiles in two days. A lot of geeky fun here.

2) Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1)- I can't believe I watch this show, but I do. There's a dude from Grease and Taxi, Daniel Baldwin, Mary Carey (the porn star who ran for Gov of California), Brigitte Nielsen, Chyna from WWE and frankly, some celebrities I don't even recognize. Still, I can't stop watching it on VH1. This also made it to "season pass" status, I'm ashamed to say.

3) Scott Baio is 46 and.... (VH1)- I guess this show used to be "and... Single" and now is "and... Pregnant". This could be one of the most obviously "produced" reality shows I've ever seen, but I find Baio strangely compelling. I can't explain it. Maybe it's the fact that he hangs out with the dude who was the older brother on the "Wonder Years". Maybe it's because he admitted that real-life Chachi lost his virginity to real-life Joanie. Maybe it's because he was Bob Loblaw on Arrested Development. Dunno.

4) Flip This House - Step 1 - Buy a house. Step 2 - Fix it up. Step 3 - Sell it, hopefully at a profit. Why is this interesting? Damned if I know, but it is. I think I watched 4 of these in a row one boring sleepy Saturday afternoon. There's something pleasing about the "uh oh, this is more than I bargained for" followed by the "Yikes! I'm having problems with a contractor" before ultimately "Phew! Everything came together at the last minute! Can you believe it?"

5) Cheaters (G4TV) - This show is the ultimate guilty pleasure. Here's how it works. Person contacts cheaters because they suspect significant other of cheating. Cheaters covertly follows other and catches them on tape. Cheaters shows person the proof that the other is cheating. Cheaters coaxes person into confronting other, known to be cheating right this very minute. Confrontation happens, Jerry Springer-esque goodness ensues. Damn I love that show. I am a bad person.

Name The Play

2008-02-08T13:38:00.000-05:00

BigBlueInteractive.com, my favorite NY Giants message board site, had a thread asking for a nick name for the incredible Manning to Tyree escape and throw. Here's the best one, IMO. It's from a very funny poster named 'Davisian' -

The "OMG I was like "Oh shit, he's gonna get sacked, we're gonna lose," but then Eli was all "nuh-uh, I'm gettin outta here" but the Pats guys were like "well, I'm grabbin some Jersey" but Eli was like "you can't stop me with a jersey pull" and then I was like "holy shit, he got away" but then it looked like Vrabel was going to KILL him, so I was all "Throw the ball Eli!" but then I thought about the possibility of a pick, so I was like "But don't throw a pick." Then he heaved it and I was like "Please let a Giant catch the ball" and I saw Tyree and Harrison and I was like "Oh FUCK its Tyree" but Tyree was all "Fuck yo Mama, I'm makin this catch" and Harrisonw as like "fuck no you ain't" but Tyree was like "Bitch safety getting pwned sez what?" and Harrison was like "Take THAT and THAT, but Tyree was all "That didn't hurt, I can do it with one hand and my head fool" and he held on an I was all "WOOOOOHOOOO! FUCKIN A" and the Patriots were all "Dude.. that sucked.." and the Giants were all "KUNG FUUU!" and all sorts of reactions and shit, and even though I was drunk as shit, I'll never forget it.." Play

That had me spitting coffee all over my monitor.

P.S. Leave it to Tiki to find a way to take some credit for the Super Bowl win.

Schilling Hurt?

2008-02-07T14:42:00.000-05:00

Could it be that his arm now sucks as much as the rest of him? Apparently the Sox think so and are ready to take Curt to task over it.

Roughly a week before pitchers and catchers are due to report to spring training, the Herald has learned today that right-hander Curt Schilling has a significant shoulder injury that could end the veteran right-hander’s season and is causing tension and friction between the player and club.

While neither Schilling nor Sox officials could be reached for comment, baseball sources have indicated that the club has at least inquired about the possibility of voiding the one-year, $8 million contract Schilling signed last November. It is not known to what lengths the Sox have gone on the matter, but their threat has been serious enough to create a conflict between Schilling and the Red Sox

......

Presumably, Schilling underwent a physical exam when the Red Sox signed him to his guaranteed contract in November. It is unclear whether Schilling’s current problem was overlooked at the time or if he suffered the injury at a later date.

It's been 3 months since Schilling signed his $8 Million, self negotiated contract. Already this thing has gone south? Man, back in the good ol' days of late 2007, we were jubilantly covering 'fat' clauses and the ethics of having a $1 million bonus tied to a single Cy Young vote. Already Mom and Dad are fighting?

The interesting thing to be to follow will be a) the nature of the injury and b) what the hell each side knew about the injury before they each signed the contract. Did Curt know he was hurt and was simply trying to milk the Sox for more seed money for 38 Studios? Did the Sox sleep through the pre-contract physical? Or did they simply forget to include an "Excessive WarCraft Fapping" clause?

Regardless, I'm delighted. Not that Schilling is hurt, of course, but that there's "conflict" between the Sox and Schilling over it. Yummy, yummy Schadenfreude.

Thank You

2008-02-05T16:01:00.001-05:00

I'll never forget this game, the play shown above, this season or this team and it's epic toughness. The last five weeks of games were simply a fantastic time to be a Giant fan. It was really an incredible run that any fan would love to have for their team. Thank you, New York Giants!

Game Day

2008-02-03T09:09:00.001-05:00

Let's Go Big Blue!

Updated: Here's the Link to the Fark.com photoshop thread where I originally found this picture. The ones labeled not-safe-for-work should really be labeled not-clever-just-homophobic.

Just how much cheating did they do?

2008-02-01T13:51:00.000-05:00

Fascinating, if not very enlightening article in the Times today, regarding the kid who did the actual spying in SpyGate, Matt Walsh. Here's what Walsh says he needs to have before he can talk to anyone about what he knows.

“If someone wanted me to talk and tell them things, I would craft an agreement where they would agree from now until the end of my existence to pay for any legal fees that came up in regards to this, whether I’m sued by the Patriots, the N.F.L., anybody else,” he said. He also said he would want an indemnification agreement, with the news media company paying any fines or damages found against him in court. (It is against the policy of The New York Times to be part of such an agreement.) Mr. Walsh said he sought the legal advice after receiving telephone calls from the news media soon after the taping incident. He said he did so to protect himself and his family.

and then later...

“If I ever got brought in for a deposition or something, then I would just face the whole gauntlet of questions,” he said. “There would be things I’d be forced to answer that some people haven’t taken responsibility for.”

The emphasis is mine. This truly is a tantalizing sentence despite the fact that it ends in a preposition. What occurred that has yet to be discovered? Hmm? What other sneaky tricks has the hoodie employed and what's up his sleeve for Sunday? Who knows? One thing for sure, this is not a disgruntled employee trying to settle a grudge. This dude is trying to stay the hell out of it. It will be interesting to see if lame-ass Arlen Specter comes up with anything.

Cheatin' Bastids! Go Giants!

Super Bowl Link Dump

2008-01-31T15:03:00.001-05:00

- First up, I'm going to watch the G-Men up at Toast's place. Hope he has a defibrillator on hand because apparently sporting events can cause heart attacks. If the Giants pull off an upset, I'll go with a smile on my face, at least.

- Next, if I ever get tired of TO Crying, I'll be able to entertain myself with Romo singing Journey's Don't Stop Believing. Who am I kidding? I'm never gonna get sick of TO Crying.

- And if you think I'm picking only on Cowboys, here's an article for you. Romo may be partying with Jessica Simpson this off season, but Eli's offseason usually includes antiquing (!) Yes, clearly he really is not the typical swaggering, gunslinging, QB. Oy vey!

- Want to read a good article about Coach Coughlin, our red-faced maniacal sideline general? Here it is, from Pete Prisco who was the only beat reporter they had in Jacksonville during Coughlin's tenure. He recounts some seriously borderline control freakish behavior from the red-faced one. TC has really softened a bit since then.

- It's amazing how Tiki Barber, who was the best player on the Giants for several years, has fallen from grace with Giant fans, including me. He is a media guy who can't get an interview with his former teammates. And an unnamed Giant has said they wouldn't have made it to the Super Bowl with him because of his effect on the locker room - they refer to him as me-ki. Wow. I have to admit that it was hard not to root for Barber given how hard he worked, how good he was and how much he meant to the team. But I've never seen a guy leave and have the team turn on him like that. They must have really not liked him. Now, I don't either (and I'm almost certain that unnamed player in the second link is Strahan).

- Lastly, click here to listen to Bill Simmons' Super Bowl podcast. It's in two parts. The first half is Simmons and Aaron Schatz from Football Outsiders in "Two Pats Fans, One Cup". It's two Pats fans giggling and tying to decide if their team is gonna win - by 20 points or 30 points. The second is Simmons and Cousin Sal in the "Crying Game" with a Bitter Dallas Fan and a Pat fan trying to decide if the Pats are gonna win by 20 or 30. Man, I hope the Giants win and I can get to listen to these guys again next week.

Desktop Meme

2008-01-31T11:20:00.000-05:00

My old school homies Wilde and Toast have started a show your desktop meme. I'm in, baby. Here's my work desktop.

Like Mr. Furious, I rock a dual monitor set up. Unlike Furious, they're only 17 inches a piece - not 20 inches (!). But, it's not the size of the monitor, it's the.... whatever.

I just use some canned background that came with Windows Server 2003 (I love Win2k3!), because this is a machine for work. I almost have both monitors covered with maximized apps. I don't adorn the background at work with kid pictures. I litter my office with them, instead. To me, dual monitors for work is an absolute must have. I always thought it was a luxury until I got a second one and now I can never go back.

I'm with Toast on the superfluous icons. They need editing. In fact, I almost never launch anything from my desktop. The only time I use the desktop at all is when I want to have a convenient place to save off throw away files. There's a couple SQL files and a CSV file that are exactly that. The rest of the icons are crappity crap and should be purged. Oh, and there is a cameraphone picture of my daughter at a birthday party when she was 4. Here's that. Far cuter than anything on my desktop.

I'll update this post from home with my home PC. That one is more personalized and I'll even take a pic of the PC itself, which I built with my own two hands. Well, that is, my two hands and NewEgg.com.

Updated: My desk is too messy for pics right now and I need to go watch LOST. But here's my home desktop. No dual Monitors here, but I am rocking a nice 22" widescreen. By far, the most expensive piece of my build your own PC. Love it. My kids look a bit stretched in widescreen, eh? If you look closely, you can see desktop icons for the glorious "orange box" and if you look REALLY closely, you might even notice that Emma and I were belting out a sweet duet to High School Musical as I was hitting Ctrl and PrtScn - I do the Troy part and she's Gabrielle. Haven't messed with my widget doohickey yet. I'm not doing my laptop, too. Too much work.

Ipod!

2008-01-30T15:48:00.000-05:00

Some of you out there in the ether are aware that my iPod died. None of those particularly care, but I am here to bore you with the details.

On Xmas day, my son fell asleep in the car on the way to my brother-in-law's house because of the excessive strain of playing with the ridiculous bounty of toys bestowed upon him by Santa. Rather than wake him off and risk launching him into cranky 4 - year old mode, I just held him and figured that he'd eventually wake up from the chaos of all the cousins being in one house. Well, he woke up alright, but to our mutual surprise it was when he peed on both of us. My iPod was in my pocket.

Did you know there's no off switch on an iPod? Clever Apple bastards deemed it unnecessary and usually it is, unless you want to mitigate the risk of short circuits when something gets wet. Another great thing is having a removable battery. Without a power source, there can't be any short circuits. iPod doesn't have one of those either. So, I watched my little black buddy fry in silence as it imagined it was syncing with some urine laden PC.

So, that's the story of the death of my iPod. And yet, this turned out not to be unlucky tale of woe, but an excellent turn of events. See, I had randomly bought the extended warranty for my iPod at Best Buy. I never buy those things, but since I had gift cards saved up for the entire price and the idea of dropping a little hard drive was unnerving, I splurged on it. Lucky me! 50 dollar Extended Warranty + ambiguous explanation of problem ("I think the hard drive is dead" true, but not the complete truth) = 'free' upgrade to 80GB iPod Classic. Woo Hoo! I thanked my boy for peeing on me.

And that's how we get to the introductory Poddery Barn for this new little dude.

1) Marvin Gaye - "Heard it through the Grapevine" Very Best of Marvin Gaye
I do a kick-ass karaoke version of this.
2) Radiohead - "Weird Fishes/Arpeggi" In Rainbows
I am over my resentment of Radiohead for changing from being one of the greatest guitar bands ever to something else completely. This album is pretty damn good.
3) The Presidents of the United States of America - "Lump" The Presidents of the United States of America
"Lump lingered last in line for brains and the one she got was kinda rotten and insane"
4) Everclear - "Brown Eyed Girl" Songs From An American Movie vol 1
Lame cover, but this song always reminds me of my daughter, her mom and their brown eyes.
5) Coldplay - "Talk" X&Y
You know how I know I'm gay? Because I like coldplay.
6) Kanye West - "The Bounce/Two Words (Live)" The Graduate (mixtape album)
Free mixtape album that I found that's not bad. The second part they turn into an Iraq protest song. Good stuff.
7) Tenacious D - "Kielbasa" Tenacious D
"I love ya baby but all I can think about is
Kielbasa sausage, your butt cheeks is warm.
I check my dipstick, you need lubrication honey,
My kielbasa sausage has just got to perform.
Now get it on!"
8) Longview - "Further" Mercury
These dudes kinda suck. On iPod notice.
9) Dean Martin - "If" Dino - The Essential Dean Martin
"If they made me a king I'd be but a slave for you
If I had everything I'd still be a slave for you
If I ruled the night
Stars and moon so bright
Still I'd turn for life to you"
It's a long way from Kielbasa sausage to this. I love Dino.
10) Ryan Adams - "City Rain, City Streets" Love is Hell, pt. 2
Adams gets my vote for "Best Songwriter Working Today".
11) The Feeling - "Strange" Twelve Stops and Home
Clean, shiny pop songs on this album.
12) Alice In Chains - "Would" MTV Unplugged: Alice In Chains
Damn, I love this song. One of the definitive songs of the 90s.
13) Crowded House - "I Feel Possessed" Temple Of Low Men
When this album came out, I was obsessed with it. I'm certain I annoyed the crap out of my neighbors with it back in the "penthouse" of the fraternity house.

There ya go! Damn good one for the new Pods virgin shuffle.

Order it quickly! Hot off the presses!

2008-01-28T15:14:00.000-05:00

Check out this link to the Amazon page for a certain future best-seller. 19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots (Paperback)

Who wrote it? The Boston Globe. I wonder if they're also the ones who printed "Dewey beats Truman"?

The Audacity of Plaxico

2008-01-27T10:46:00.000-05:00

I'm really enjoying blogging the Giants Super Bowl run and the hype that surrounds it. Can you tell?

Here's the latest media lunacy. An AP article in which Plaxico Burress makes the unbelievable claim that the Giants have WRs that may be better than the Patriots. Jesu Cristo! He's cerifiably insane? Why would he want to fire up the Pats before the big game? Is he delusional?

Plaxico Burress has made some amazing catches.

And this amazing statement:

His Giants may have better receivers than the Patriots' very deep group of Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Donte' Stallworth and Jabar Gaffney.

The response from New England? No laughter, no putdowns, no he-said-what?

Just check out what happens on the field.

"The good thing about the National Football League and I think in life, you have opportunities," Patriots safety Rodney Harrison said, "an opportunity to make sure that comes to light. So we'll see."

So, what was the actual quote that led this writer to believe that Burress said that? It's found about half-way down the article after the writer has statistically debunked the ridiculous Burress claim that he paraphrased with words of his own choosing.

Burress, though, is very confident, no matter what the numbers say.

"We have guys that can go out and do things just as well or maybe better than some of those guys," he said last week.

'Just as well or maybe better than some of those guys.' Boastful prick! Someone needs to teach him some humility!

What question, would you imagine, preceded this Burress claim? I dunno, something like.... "How do you think the Giants receiver corps ranks next to the Pats?" What is he supposed to say? "We suck?" Let's look at the linked daily news article that also debunks this "claim" with stats but provides more of Plax's comments too.

Still, when asked if he would put the Giants' receivers right up there with the Patriots', Burress said, "I don't see why not. We're both going to be on the same field on (Feb. 3)."

...

"Moss is a great player," Burress said. "Welker is a great addition to what they're doing right now. What they've done as far as setting records and touchdowns and the No. 1 offense in NFL history, those guys are supposed to get a lot of credit. Definitely one of the reasons their offense is the way it is, is because of their receiving corps. I have a lot of respect for those guys. Those guys are great players. They deserve all the praise that they get."

Cocky sonovabitch!

Seriously, we need to put an idiot filter on all Super Bowl hype stories. Two weeks is just too much time to fill between games for these dopey sports writers. 'Course it doesn't help that I keep reading them all.

Easy E

2008-01-26T08:35:00.000-05:00

NFL Films on Eli Manning. I love this video (it's short). In many ways, Steve Sabol is right. Eli is the un-quarterback. But, he's such an obviously good guy that he's easy to root for, even when he's throwing 4 INTs. Hopefully he can slouch his way to Arizona and, with a look on his face akin those seen in many a group home, lead the G-Men to a huge upset.

Excuse me, do you have some Grey Poupon?

2008-01-25T16:53:00.000-05:00

The long dry spell between the Conference Championships and the Super Bowl can make for some truly gag-inducing journalism. We all know this and count the days until the official national guacamole holiday. But this may be a new low. I give you Jessica Heslam of the Boston Herald.

New England Patriots fans are smarter, classier and healthier and own pricier homes than the riff-raff who root for the New York Giants - and now we’ve got the research to back it up.

oh do tell, you stuck up bitch....

We are likely to read connoisseur magazines like Wine Spectator. Gotham fans like to pig out on junk food like pretzels, chips and nuts. They’re also less likely to favor organic food than other New Yorkers

Wine spectator.... wow. You guys totally kick ass. I'm feeling inferior in my wine knowledge. Which one is is the red? Pinot Grigio or Pinot Noir?

Then she interviews a numbnuts who lives near the stadium.

“Boston fans are much classier,” said Schuster, a real estate agent and software consultant who is heading out to Arizona for the Super Bowl. “Have you ever been to Yankee stadium? I mean, they boo their own players.”

“Bostonians, in general, are better educated,” Schuster added. “New Yorkers have to send their kids to Boston to educate them.”

You just had to throw in the Yankee bit, didn't you, you pillow-biting pink sox hat wearing wuss.

Wow. Boston fans are some unlikable bastards. I now have the answer to the question of who could possibly root for such an unlikable group of assholes as these Patriots. Assholes of a feather flock together.

Go Giants!

Sweep the leg, Osi!

2008-01-25T10:16:00.002-05:00

Tom Brady is a bit dinged up. That's football for ya. It happens. However, if TMZ.com knows it, clearly the Giants know it and will certainly try and test how much it's healed by next Sunday. Is it unethical to do so? Is it wrong to literally try to hit Brady in that leg and try and make it hurt a bit - not illegally of course, but within the bounds of the rules?

Were it Eli (who separated his throwing shoulder earlier this year and played through it as I'm sure Brady will play through this), would we expect anything less than that from the HGH taking, illegally videotaping, eye-poking Pats? Don't think so.

And so, the official position of BuzzingFridge on this is "SWEEP THE LEG". Kobra Kai, baby!

Do you know what is a weird day?

2008-01-24T13:49:00.000-05:00

The first day your daughter accidentally calls you "Dave", "Dave" being the name of your future ex-wife's boyfriend.

That's a weird day. It's a little thing - an honest mistake by a 5 year old more concerned about the flower she's drawing than who is handing her the glass of juice she asked for so politely. "Thanks, Dave- oops! I mean Daddy!. Isn't that funny Daddy? I almost called you Dave!" Yeah, it's funny alright.

It sticks with you. It's something you think about as you go to sleep that night and is still lurking in the back of your mind when you wake up the next morning.

That day was yesterday for me. I'm pleased to report that today she remembered my name right off the bat. "Good Morning Daddy!" It was a relief. I'll hope to continue to be relieved every time she calls me "Daddy" for at least a while.

Bear Grylls saves lives then takes a sauna

2008-01-23T11:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, my favorite things about having this crappy blog has been the random commenters that have stopped by to excoriate me for having the audacity to question the fantastic Bear Grylls. I had a sizable man-crush on Bear, but was devastated to hear that many parts of his survival show, Man Vs. Wild, are in fact staged and that his claims of being left in the wilderness with just a knife and a camera crew were greatly exaggerated.

Many of my critics pointed out that "Bear is just trying to show people how to survive and I'm just jealous and probably live in my parents' basement". Stupid critics. It therefore behooves me to point out that Bear and Man Vs. Wild is in fact credited for helping a bunch of almost naturally de-selected teenagers survive falling through ice into freezing waters. Let's give credit where credit is due.

If you'd like to see how Bear recklessly risked his life to save these kids' lives you can click here to watch the original Man Vs. Wild clip credited for helping. Bonus for the ladies as Buff Bear does some Bare-Nekkid push ups to get his blood pumping.

Never let it be said that the Fridge ain't a fair-minded individual.

Way back in 1988, Eddie Murphy was clairvoyant

2008-01-21T15:17:00.000-05:00

Source:
--
Prince Akeem: Sir, did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?
Cleo McDowell: No, I didn't.
Prince Akeem: Oh sir, the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big "H". It was a most ripping victory.
Cleo McDowell: Son.
Prince Akeem: Yes?
Cleo McDowell: If you want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.
Prince Akeem: Yes.

Jonny Blogging

2008-01-21T12:26:00.001-05:00

I do a fair share of blogging the wit and wisdom of my 5 year old daughter. Her 4 year old brother, affectionately known as "the boy", "Jonny Boy Be-Bop" (his sister gave him that one) and simply "JB" isn't the word smith that his sister is. He's clever in his own way.

Jonny: Daddy, you're funny!

Dad: Oh yeah? I'm funny?

Jonny (giggling): YES!

Dad (now doing the worst Joe Pesci ever): I'm funny how, you mean funny like I'm a clown?

Jonny (Laughing): Yeah!

Dad: I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

Jonny: You're funny, poop-head! (runs up and punches Dad in the stomach and runs away laughing)

Dad (to no one in particular): That must have been in the director's cut.

Leave Tony Romo Alone!!!!!

2008-01-14T12:52:00.001-05:00

He's a person! He's going through a hard time! After all he's been through!!!! WaaaaaaaahhhhHH!!!!

Carter Vs Carter

2008-01-13T16:13:00.000-05:00

Cris Carter picks the Cowboys on Yahoo.com. Cris Carter disagrees, though. He picks the Giants on HBO.

Now, it's hard to get on Cris Carter, because he was a truly outstanding player. But, good FSM, that's stupid.

Movie Review - Shoot 'Em Up

2008-01-13T11:53:00.001-05:00

Disclaimer: If you don't like stylistic, improbable violence, silly catch phrases and body counts nearing triple digits then stop reading now. This movie is not for you. If you're a fan of John Woo before he met John Travolta and came to Hollywood, keep reading.

This movie can be summed up easily: 1) Clever scene set-up. 2) Clever action sequence with lots of dead bad guys 3) Clever punchline. Now, do all that repeatedly for 90 minutes - but instead of doing it in a glossy, hyper explosive Michael Bay way, do it in a quirky, off-center indie film way. That's the movie. Want something even shorter? It's the bizarro Bourne Identity. Just as hyper-kinetic, but instead of gritty realism, you get loopy fantasy.

The plot is convoluted, improbable and superfluous, frankly. It's like a good porn script in that it gets itself out of the way quickly in favor of the action. All in all, I thought the film was good fun and has 4-5 sequences that are still pretty vivid in my mind several days later. This may be because of the performances of Clive Owen (the hero), Monica Bellucci (the perpetually lactating prostitute - so cliche) and the tasty villain, Paul Giamatti (one mean dude with glasses and comb-over). Oh yeah, and there's a baby at the center of this whole mess to heighten the sense of peril. It worked for me.

In short, this movie does for action films what Evil Dead 2 did for 80's horror flicks. It brings irreverence and fun to tired cliche. Want Art? Move on. Want Realism? Try the Discovery Channel. Wanna kick back with a few beers and watch a movie version of basically every first person shooter video game? This is it. I liked it.

Rating: 3 out of 5 possible couches.

Looks like I might need one of these today

2008-01-13T06:22:00.000-05:00

http://view.break.com/421680 - Watch more free videos

OMG

2008-01-11T15:15:00.000-05:00

I haven't had much time to blog nor much to say recently. In the absence of anything original, let me post this proof that Jesus Christ is our savior. Or at least he appears intent on saving this dog's ass. And yes, this is also in part a surly response to incessant cat-blogging.

The mind of a five year old girl

2008-01-02T15:19:00.000-05:00

vignette number one:

FADE IN
Interior: Fridge Household.

The family, including Fridge's Mom and Dad and brother and sister in law from Boston is discussing various topics when the subject of the Yankees comes up. Excited, five year old Emma chimes in.

Emma: Mommy loves the Yankees! Daddy Loves the Yankees! Grammy loves the Yankees! I love the Yankees! Gramps loves the Yankees! Jonny loves the Yankees! Uncle Nat loves the Yankees! Baby Colin loves the Yankees! Aunt Barb loves the Yankees!

Aunt Barb: (interrupting) Actually, Emma, I'm from Boston and I love the Red Sox.

Emma: (confused and a bit distressed) Well, how did you get into our family?

Fridge: We blame Uncle Nat.

Uncle Nat: She lied on the application.

FADE OUT

vignette number two:

FADE IN
Interior: Fridge's kitchen.

Emma runs over to her Daddy, who is doing the dishes. She's excited and has her hands tucked inside her shirt, leaving her sleeves empty. She's using her hands to simulate breasts.

Emma: Daddy! Look! I have boobies and no hands!

Fridge: Well, why would you want boobies and not hands?

Emma: Because I like having boobies!

Fridge: I like boobies, too. But, hands are pretty awesome. That's how you draw such beautiful pictures, write in cursive.... all kinds of stuff.

Emma: Well, I don't need them.

Fridge: How are you gonna pick stuff up?

Emma: I'll get someone else to pick it up.

Fridge: (thinking to himself) "that's pretty much how boobies work"
Fridge: (actually out loud to daughter) I think you should stick with hands for now. Please take your hands out of your shirt.

FADE OUT

End of 2007 meme

2008-01-01T08:54:00.000-05:00

I love memes. As this one is a reflective meme and my 2007 was, um.... interesting so this may not be the peppiest look back that you read. But here we go.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Started thinking about myself.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope. Resolutions are for suckers. Recipe for failure.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope. No new babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope. The Fridge circle had a zero population growth this year.

5. What places did you visit? I went to Maine. That's about it. Man, I loved it up there. Fridge needs a walden-esque cabin out there.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A significant other that's not bat-shit crazy.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 4th was my daughter's first day of kindergarten. That kicked ass. December 9th, which was a lousy day last year and this year was once again a shit sandwich from which I got to take a bite. I hate December 9th.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year? Seriously? My biggest achievement was holding it together and being able to provide a warm environment for my kids.

9. What was your biggest failure? I had a bunch, all tied for first. But, I'm not listing them. See, each of them was like one of those failed rocket launches of the 50's and 60's. Outstanding learning experiences. There's far more information in failure than success.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope. Nothing aside from a random virus brought home by my kids. Lucky!

11. What was the best thing you bought? My favorite thing I bought was Guitar Hero for the Wii. I love that. The best thing was probably my CPAP machine - a treatment for sleep apnea. Transformed how I sleep. I'm cranky when I can't use it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My kids. Always far better behaved in public than I can believe, I am usually a very proud parent. Nice job, little guys!

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Haha... see #6.

14. Where did most of your money go? Mortgage, childcare.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The Arctic Monkeys. They appeared on my radar this year (a bit late, really) and I listened to their two albums constantly for weeks.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Blue Picadilly/Miss You by The Feeling.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter.
c) richer or poorer? Richer. And poorer. It's pretty complicated, really.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? I wish I had taken a legit vacation. I didn't though.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Pout like a whiny little nancy boy.
20. How did you spend Christmas last year? Um... awkwardly?

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? heheh. no.

22. How many one-night stands? None. But occasionally I spooned with a yellow labrador. Does that count?

23. What was your favorite TV program? Deadwood. I was pretty damn late to that party, but tore through those DVDs like they were going out of style. Cocksucker!

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2007? the dishes, I think, then I had a living room campout with my kids.

25. What was the best book you read? tie - The Conscience of a Liberal by Paul Krugman and The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? hey! I kind of already answered this question, didn't I? Well, I'll put number two "discovery". Critical darlings Kings of Leon. Their first two albums have been in rotation for months and months with no end in sight. Just a fantastic band.

27. What did you want and get? Guitar Hero. Total present to myself. Then I went out and pimp-slapped Tom Morello, Slash and Beelzebub. In that order.

28. What did you want and not get? A divorce.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Superbad.

30. Did you make some new friends this year? Yeah, a couple.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I can't think of one thing.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Haggar stain-resistant pants?

33. What kept you sane? My kids. Having to provide stability and structure for them helped me a lot

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Rachel Weisz

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Jeez.... This could be a top ten list. Waterboarding tapes?

36. Who did you miss? Dennis. Didn't see him at all this year.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Dan at work, who brought sanity to the QA department and kicks ass in many other ways.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. Having the the entire infrastructure of your life crumble isn't as debilitating as it sounds...

This is wrong. Totally wrong.

2007-12-31T11:54:00.000-05:00

KITT is NOT a mustang. It's completely ridiculous that they changed it. First of all, it would be a perfect opportunity to re-introduce the Trans Am brand. Secondly, it's just freakin' wrong. KITT is not a mustang.

Don't click this link.

2007-12-20T09:56:00.000-05:00

Don't do it. That is, unless you have an hour or more to kill. The link takes you to a very addictive and simple puzzle game written in html and javascript. The objective of the game is to progress from screen to screen. That's it. Find a way to get to the next screen. I spent an hour last night going the first 8 levels and believe me, I'll be trying to get to level 9 again when I have time. It's addictive. You've been warned.

Best Secret Santa Present Ever

2007-12-18T15:55:00.001-05:00

I'd like to thank my secret santa (who remains anoymous) for giving me the best Secret Santa present ever. None of my co-workers are safe. I've been sniping monitors all day. And members of the Quality Assurance team ought to be especially conscious of their tone when suggesting they may have found a defect in my code.

I have to admit, I was a little bummed that I said I would join the Secret Santa this year, after I learned that our company would no longer do the "Yankee Swap", which I thought brought a lot of wonderfully unnecessary tension, greed and bad feelings to the exercise. But, now I'm glad I did. My desk is littered with Nerf darts and a bunch of other toys and my inner 8-year old is having a kick ass day.

Web Phenomenon Mix Tape

2007-12-18T14:54:00.000-05:00

The uber-famous OkGO video remixed with the excellent Ben Folds song "army". It's uncanny how well it works.

Finish the Thought

2007-12-15T18:20:00.000-05:00

Now THIS is an interesting blog meme. Tagged by Toast, I answer the bell.

I Never... say no when one of my kids asks me to read. leave an empty shopping cart in the middle of a parking lot. seem to catch up on my laundry. want my kids to be disappointed by me. expected to be where I am today.

I Rarely... let someone pass me in the breakdown lane. mean to come across like a dick when I do. think I'm not the smartest person in the room. am on time for work. Go to bed before I fall asleep on the couch. can get my daughter to agree to the first outfit I've chosen for her that day. know what the right thing to say is when a woman is upset

I Cry... when I think about my kids being hurt. when I look at the wreckage of my marriage. only when no one is around and even then for at most 30 seconds - I'm not a pussy.

I Am Not Always... as nurturing with my children as I should be. fair to my daughter, of whom I expect more because she is so capable. the smartest person in the room. as sure of what I'm saying as I sound.

I Lose... bluetooth headsets. on purpose most of the time when I play games with my kids. Pens and Pencils. my hair, very slowly

I'm Confused... when smart people watch CSI. by my wife. by smart people who are conservative.

I Miss... living above my pub. lunch-time setback with Toast et. al. at AMS. having a foosball table at work. Intimacy. My free time.

I Need... a vacation. Someone to go on vacation with me. new floors for my house. to deal with the fact that the time may be soon for my old dog to leave us. to know my kids will be fine. to drag my project at work to the fucking finish line. to eventually be my own boss.

I Should... go fold some laundry. get a dumpster brought here so I can toss half of the stuff in my house in it. push my son as hard as I push my daughter. push my daughter less than I do. give myself a bit more credit.

I Love... my children more than I thought was possible for me. reminiscing with my fraternity brothers. beer and buffalo wings. being the guy that everyone comes to for help at work.

I tag Manuel, who is the only one I could tag and my brother in the comments.

Rampant Steroid Speculation

2007-12-12T12:44:00.001-05:00

I have long been bored with the never ending "steroids in baseball" story. However, at this point I'm ecstatic to talk about something other than where Johan Santana will end up.

Tomorrow, the Mitchell report will be released. The report will reportedly (heheh) name 60-80 former and current major league ball players. So now it's time for some wanton and reckless speculation - something of a specialty of mine. Here's the official Fridge Report of Steroid Speculation. The players are grouped into 3 categories - mortal locks, suspicious, shocking. There's also an implied 4th category - everyone else.

Let's go!

MORTAL LOCKS :
Jose Canseco
Barry Bonds
Rafael Palmeiro
David Segui (see how he got out in front of the report?)
Brett Boone
Brady Anderson
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Mark McGwire
Sammy Sosa
Gary Sheffield
Jason Grimsley
Jeff Bagwell

Review: Not much here new. Most of these names have either already admitted doing it or no one thinks they DIDN'T do Steroids

SUSPICIOUS: (here's where it gets interesting)
Pudge Rodriguez - I feel pretty good given his somewhat anomalous power explosion during his time as a teammate with Palmeiro
Juan Gonzalez - see above
Todd Hundley - rarely named, but done deal, IMO.
Jason Varitek - Sudden spike in power followed by precipitous drop in power right around testing change. Just saying.
Big Papi - Cut by Minnesota to perennial MVP caliber hitter?
Cal Ripken - I know, I know, but at this point we need to scrutinize statistical outliers.
Roger Clemens - See Ripken, Cal.
Pedro Martinez - It's not unheard of for a little frail dude to throw a ball 97, but it's also pretty damn uncommon.
Paul O'Neill - He was a different hitter after after the trade to NY. Why? Was it Don Mattingly's influence? or the Juice?
Jeff Kent
Matt Williams
Miguel Tejada
David Wells - fat drunk who can throw forever? Or juicing?

Review:
These are the guys that I find suspicious. Actually, I don't think Paulie was doping at all, but I had to throw Sox fans a bone, since I named three Sox players.

SHOCKING: (Seeing these guys named would freak me out)

Derek Jeter - That would be unreal.
Mariano Rivera
Greg Maddux
Tom Glavine

Review:
Those guys would shock the living crap out of me. Especially Jeter. That would rock my world and baseball as well. He's so hallowed, not just by Yankee fans, but by baseball and the media in general. That would be truly mind bending.

That's my list. What do you think? Anyone I missed? Anyone I'm dead wrong about?

Hip Hop Charted.

2007-12-11T16:02:00.000-05:00

and another one:

All of them here. Having trouble reading? Click to embiggen.

The official Christmas Tree of BuzzingFridge

2007-12-09T16:30:00.001-05:00

Credits -
Tree Selection - Fridge's kids
Lights and Star - Fridge
Decorations - Fridge's daughter
Sweet Thomas the Tank Engine train track around tree - Fridge and son

Can I get a ruling?

2007-12-07T16:54:00.001-05:00

Just Bad? or So Bad it's awesome?

And, Holy Crap those guys have not aged well. They were amongst the ugliest bands ever when they were young. Now, they're old, bald, fat and ugly. Yikes. Luckily, they still rock.

Damn, I missed out on this bubble, too.

2007-12-06T13:50:00.000-05:00

Celebratory Beer Blogging

2007-12-02T19:42:00.000-05:00

In honor of the Giants amazing comeback road win against the Chicago Bears, I decided to blog the beer I am using to celebrate. The beer? Sam Adams Holiday Porter - 5.8% ABV.

The Bouquet: A deep whiff of the aroma of the poured beer reveals a chocolatey smell with hints of dark roast coffee.

The Pour: The beer sits dark and opaque in the glass. A deep brown nearing black. The head is a solid 3/4" tan foam. (Note: I forgot to take the picture BEFORE I drank a bit. But I was celebrating the Giants, after all)

The First Sip: My first reaction of the beer was a bit of surprise over how buttery the chocolate malts tasted, the first sip is smooth with a full-bodied warmth that coats the mouth. The finish is surprisingly peppery. In fact, it provides a very pleasant offset to the initial buttery chocolate favor and leaves the drinker with a clean, refreshed palate.

The Result: An impressive beer. While I was relatively unmoved by the previous two beers I drank from the Sam Adams Winter Sample Pack - Brown Ale and Old Fezziwig Ale - this is a very different porter than most I've tasted. The warm start and peppery finish is the perfect compliment to a cold winter day, a warm fire and a Giants comeback. Unlike other excellent Porters I've had (Otter Creek's very good Stovepipe Porter, for example) that are more aggressive with a sharper hoppy edge to counter the natural chocolate flavor of a porter, Sam Adams Holiday Porter takes a different approach. They make mellow the chocolate with a buttery evenness and therefore can be more subtle and offset it with the peppery finish. All in all, an excellent beer with high-re-drinkability. In fact, I'll be hitting my favorite package store to see if I can find this beer by the six pack or even a 12. Recommended.

Rating: 4.0 out of 5

Go Giants!

Jorge Posada Resigns With Yanks - Punches ticket for the Hall Of Fame

2007-11-29T15:56:00.001-05:00

The Yankees finally got around to announcing the signing of Jorge Posada today. 4 years and 52 Million is significantly more than most teams would like to spend for a 36 year old catcher. Catchers typically just don't stay productive into their late thirties and early 40s. Here's the thing, though: Posada is not a typical catcher. He's exceptional.

That's where the Posada haters out there will simply have to deal with it. Jorge Posada will be voted to the Hall of Fame. Frankly, it shocked me when I learned that there actually were Posada haters, but they're out there and this will get their panties in a bunch. Yankee fans look at Jorge Posada and say, how could you hate the guy? All he does is play hard every season and You know who you are, haters. The average Posada hater falls into two categories: 1) Members of Jason Varitek's backwards hat wearing boy band, who are jealous of the clearly superior and far less self-aggrandizing Yankee and 2) Met fans who see Posada as a whiny, undeserving rider of the Yankee captain's coattails. Collectively, they spend lots of time dismissing the acheivements of the second best catcher of the last ten years.

Posada is one of only eight catchers in Major League history to record at least 20 home runs in seven or more seasons, joining Mike Piazza (11), Johnny Bench (11), Yogi Berra (10), Gary Carter (9), Carlton Fisk (8), Lance Parrish (7) and Roy Campanella (7). He and Ivan Rodriguez are the only two catchers in Major League history to record two seasons of 40 or more doubles.

Damn right! And all he needs is one more and that list drops to an impressive Piazza, Bench, Berra, Carter, Fisk. Wow. That's like the Mount Rushmore of catchers.

Well, he's just a .277 lifetime hitter! That sucks! Not so fast, haters. Jorge Posada has incredible patience at the plate. His active OBP of .3806 ranks 21st overall and leads all catchers, including the amazing Mike Piazza.

Let's assume that Jorge retires at the end of his Yankee contract, when he is 40 years old. He's averaged 68 runs, 21 HRs and 82 RBIs over the last three years. Were he to match that production for 4 more seasons and do it all as a catcher, his career totals would be

302 HR, 1189 RBI

Those are first ballot hall of fame numbers. Those numbers are right behind Yogi (358 and 1430)and Fisk (376 and 1330) in 17 seasons, rather than 19 and 24 seasons, respectively. They aren't that far behind Bench's (389 and 1376) in the same number of seasons. They are significantly behind Piazza's (427 and 1335 and counting - albeit as a DH now). In short, those numbers are very impressive. They'll get him in.

The obvious question is, is it realistic to expect him to do that? Probably not. You'd have to expect a decline from Jorge as he gets older, despite the fact that he's a very durable player and diligent worker. I do expect him to stay at catcher for the rest of his Yankee career, at least primarily. I don't expect him to move to DH full time like Piazza did, although he's a good enough hitter to warrant it. What I expect is for him to play two more years as the full time catcher before working in a young catcher that is currently in the Yankees system - someone like teenage offensive force Jesus Montero is the main plan for Jorge's successor, but it could be Frankie Cervelli (the yanks most advanced catching prospect - reminds me of LoDuca, hopefully without the crazies), Chase Weems (kind of a lefty Biggio) or Austin Romine (compared to pudge in arm strength and build). At the point that they work those guys in, he'll spend some time at DH or possibly even 1B. He probably will experience a decline in numbers because of age and this potential change in role, so let's discount those numbers 25%. That would make Jorge's final line roughly:

280 homers, 1100 RBI

That, with his championships and being an integral point of the most recent Yankee Dynasty, will be enough. Those numbers may seem a little unremarkable in the "steroid era", but not when you consider the day in, day out wear and tear that 13-17 seasons at catcher puts you through. And don't forget the five all-star appearances. Jorge's durability and production show he's an exceptional player. They count. And when you consider everything he will have achieved when he hangs it up, he'll deserve the honor.

So some day in July of 2016 or so, I'll drag my family to Cooperstown so they can watch Jorge Posada be inducted to the Baseball Hall of Fame. And I'll stand and cheer a great Yankee and Hall of Famer.

P.S. And as preparation for the event, Toast and I will have to hit the local Ommegang brewery.

Friend Request Ettiquette

2007-11-29T12:36:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm new to this whole facebook thing. I recently joined facebook only because I had to in order to see someone else's facebook page and they spammed me with an email asking me to look check it out. Shortly after that, a couple of my actual friends who I didn't know used facebook "friended" me (stupid pseudo-verb, by the way) and voila! I was sucked in and I'm now one of the nine bajillion people who have a facebook page with an entertaining assortment of useless crap on it.

Soon after that, I was choosing musical artists I like, taking movie trivia quizzes, basically wasting a lot of time. I even apparently breached facebook ettiquette (or at least actual friend etiquette) by "poke"-ing Toast's wife, inadvertently thinking this was how you made her a friend so she could see the pointless crap on my particular facebook page. Toast and I dueled with swords and seconds at dawn and moved on with our lives. By the way, I later looked up the real meaning of "poke" and it turns out it doesn't have one - you cheeky facebook bastards...

Anyway, this brings me to friend requests. I recently got one from a woman whom I have never met. She is apparently a "facebook friend" of one of my actual friends. What's the ettiquette here? I've learned that I probably shouldn't "poke" her. She's a married woman. But, I don't know her. Am I obligated to accept such a request? My instincts say I should tell her to piss off. Is that a gross facebook violation? Is the point of this exercise racing to have the most friends? If so, maybe I'm not cut out for this facebook thing after all. What say you?

If I wasn't me meme

2007-11-24T18:41:00.001-05:00

Hmmm... I've been tagged by Toast. On a nice short meme created by konagod. Personally, I prefer ten questions or less memes. The 25+ memes are tedious.

What would Fridge be if Fridge weren't Fridge? I'm actually pretty happy with my career now. I mostly really enjoy what I do and more importantly, I'm good at it and I am very well suited for what I do. It fits me in many ways.

1) GM of a Major League baseball team - I would absolutely love this. I am the greatest fantasy baseball player of all time and would love nothing better than to have the opportunity to run a team. I'd also be excellent at it. Wouldn't matter which team, really. I'd enjoy running any one of them.

2) Movie/TV Producer - When I was in college, I balked at the sheer nerdiness of my chosen profession, wrote some goofy screenplays and applied to NYU film school and was rejected. I certainly didn't deserve admission by any stretch. But, had I been, I think I would have been pretty good for it and enjoyed it. I really think I have excellent movie and TV taste. In a true geeks dream, I always wanted to make a movie of the Elric Saga by Michael Moorcock.

3) Standup Comedian - First, I'm a funny bastard. Second, I enjoy speaking in front of people. And lastly, I've been best man twice and each time I gave a toast that had people laughing and DJ's saying I should rent myself out as a best man. I loved it. I've also liked the construction of a good joke. I'm still looking for an open-mic comedy night so that I could really try it out. Not that I'd actually do it. The life of all but the most famous comedians is kinda crappy. But, I'd like writing jokes.

4) Governor of Connecticut - I think being Governor is the sweet spot of American Politics. Being president is too much of a pain in the ass and the republicans would be all over my ass for inhaling many times, etc. Being a congressman is a pain because you're in a constant election cycle and only have one vote once you're in there. Nope, Governor is where it's at. You can affect real change and I could help the people of the state I love. I could bring them health care, better roads and probably higher taxes. But, my state would kick even more ass and then maybe I could get tapped as a Vice Presidential candidate (the other sweet spot of politics).

5) Gadget geek - I love gadgets. And the only thing better than having lots of gadgets is getting rid of them and getting new ones. I'd love to have a David Pogue type gig, or work for C|Net or Gizmodo. Traveling to those shows, having manufacturers send you all that stuff? Constantly trying new gadgets and then giving them the thumbs up or down? Heaven.

There you go! That's what Fridge would do if Fridge weren't already Fridge (and therefore already pretty kick-ass).

I tag Manny and my brother in the comments.