The mind of a five year old girl

vignette number one:

FADE IN
Interior: Fridge Household.

The family, including Fridge's Mom and Dad and brother and sister in law from Boston is discussing various topics when the subject of the Yankees comes up. Excited, five year old Emma chimes in.

Emma: Mommy loves the Yankees! Daddy Loves the Yankees! Grammy loves the Yankees! I love the Yankees! Gramps loves the Yankees! Jonny loves the Yankees! Uncle Nat loves the Yankees! Baby Colin loves the Yankees! Aunt Barb loves the Yankees!

Aunt Barb: (interrupting) Actually, Emma, I'm from Boston and I love the Red Sox.

Emma: (confused and a bit distressed) Well, how did you get into our family?

Fridge: We blame Uncle Nat.

Uncle Nat: She lied on the application.

FADE OUT

vignette number two:

FADE IN
Interior: Fridge's kitchen.

Emma runs over to her Daddy, who is doing the dishes. She's excited and has her hands tucked inside her shirt, leaving her sleeves empty. She's using her hands to simulate breasts.

Emma: Daddy! Look! I have boobies and no hands!

Fridge: Well, why would you want boobies and not hands?

Emma: Because I like having boobies!

Fridge: I like boobies, too. But, hands are pretty awesome. That's how you draw such beautiful pictures, write in cursive.... all kinds of stuff.

Emma: Well, I don't need them.

Fridge: How are you gonna pick stuff up?

Emma: I'll get someone else to pick it up.

Fridge: (thinking to himself) "that's pretty much how boobies work"
Fridge: (actually out loud to daughter) I think you should stick with hands for now. Please take your hands out of your shirt.

FADE OUT

Best Country Song Ever

Fun with Google Analytics

Every person with a website needs to use Google Analytics. Sure, you're cutting-and-pasting a bit of potentially insidious HTML into your site. But how else would you find out something like this.

On June 8th, a person from Pakistan clicked on my blog after searching for the following in Google.

"Kanye West Boobs"

Welcome, Friend! You are absolutely in the right place for all things "Kanye West Boobs".

Here's my favorite Kanye West Moment. Poor Mike Myers.


And here's my favorite Boobs moment. NSFW!

Quick Hits

-- Fuck you Kanye West. I have both The College Dropout and Late Registration. Both are great albums. But, seriously, do you need to credit every performer that is on every song? See, each of these shows as a different artist on my iPod. Two albums = 18 artists. That's annoying, bro. Next album, all "Kanye West", please.

-- The first time your three year old son says, "Daddy, I want to go to the potty." from the back seat of your car is fantastic. I am a proud Daddy.

-- Someday the Yankees will get a decent starting pitching performance. At least I'm pretty sure that will happen.

-- I hit my favorite package store (Connecticut-ese for Liquor Store) and grabbed Thomas Hooker Hop Meadow IPA and a belgian amber whose name escapes me. The Hop Meadow was too Hoppy even for me and the belgian was waaayyy too malty. You can't really mix them either. This clearly is the weakness of trying new beers.

-- From God Tube: Chatting with Charley. In it, you will see Charley answer the question of how a kangaroo could hop from Turkey, where Noah "turned it loose" all the way to Australia (Spoiler: Ice Bridges). And that a llama and camels are the same species. I'm addicted to GodTube.

-- Apple shipped 100 million iPods. Holy crap that's a lot. Who doesn't have one that wants one? Sell your Apple stock, people.

-- I don't know anything about Sanjaya or why people are so interested in the fact that he's still on American Idol. But, I like his sister. (WARNING: MUTE YOUR SPEAKERS OR BE SUBJECTED TO ANNOYING HINDI MUSIC).