Change I can believe in

Credit Crisis Explained

The Crisis of Credit Visualized from Jonathan Jarvis on Vimeo.

Great video that illustrates the Credit Crisis in a very simple way.

Suck it Nerds, I am your King

Kryptonite!

Gotta love Nate Robinson. Crazy talent in such a wee little body. He looks like a leprechaun.

Fridge to Valentine's Day

Go Fuck Yerself

This looks pretty damn glorious to me

I post this remixed video for two reasons

1) To annoy Toast, who chafes at the obligation to watch the videos his friends post
2) It. Is. Awesome.

Submitted for your review

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.


Classic novel in the public domain + zombies = pretty hilarious idea.

(h/t woot blog)

Ok, I'll say it if no one else will

Bruce Springsteen - Wildly Overrated

Fridge posts from his iPhone

Testing one.... two..... three!

My kids are funny, vol. 12984

Read on as I, an evil Dad, make both my kids cry and yet get a good laugh out of it. I tried to be as faithful as possible to the actual events and dialog.

Saturday Afternoon:
[Int. Fridge's kitchen]

Fridge is on the phone

Jonny (running in to the room): Dad! Daddy! Guess What!!
Fridge: (to person on phone) Can you hold on a minute? (back to Jonny) JB, you have to say excuse me when you interrupt someone....
Jonny: Daddy! Excuse me! I need to tell you something.
Fridge: ... and you know that it's rude to interrupt when they're talking on the phone. You have to wait until Daddy is done.
Jonny: But Daddy! I need to tell you something!
Fridge: Is it an emergency?
Jonny: well... no... but I need to tell you something!
Fridge: Jonny, it's gonna have to wait till I'm done on the phone, buddy.
Jonny: But, daddy! I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!

Jonny throws himself to the ground and writhes in the agony of injustice

Fridge (to person on phone): I'm afraid I'll have to call you back. We're having a meltdown.
Fridge (to JB, who is apoplectic): Ok, JB. You're gonna have to sit at the bottom of the stairs until you've calmed down.
Jonny: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!! Daddy, I have to TELL YOU SOOOOOOMMEEETHIIIIINNG!!!!!

Five minutes of carefully orchestrated histrionics at the bottom of the stairs follow. Eventually, Jonny calms down

Fridge: Ok, Jonny. Come over here please. You know that you can't interrupt people on the phone. It's rude, right?
Jonny: Yes Daddy. [wiping tears] I know. I'm sorry.
Fridge: It's ok, dude. What did you want to tell me?
Jonny (smiling and excited): "Skittle" and "Little". They rhyme!

--

Saturday Night:
[Int. Fridge's living room]

Fridge and Emma have just finished watching Jurassic Park. Clearly a questionable parenting decision as it was too scary for Jonny and he had to leave. Emma and Fridge are discussing the film, which Emma loved.

Emma: Daddy, wouldn't it be totally crazy if there were dinosaurs running around our house!?!?! That would be scary!
Fridge: Yeah that would be. But we'd have Roxy to save us!
Emma: Do you think Roxy could beat up a velociraptor??!?!
Fridge: Actually, no. She'd definitely try to save us if there was a velociraptor trying to eat us. But the dinosaur would probably eat her instead.
Emma: [Gasp!] No! We can't let them eat Roxy! I'd rather have the velociraptor eat me!
Fridge: Well, if I had to pick one of you to feed to a velociraptor, it'd definitely be Roxy and not you.

Emma cries out, leaping on top of a formerly sleeping, now bewildered labrador in a wild embrace.

Emma: Whaaaaa!!!!! No, daddy! That means you don't love my SISTER Roxy as much as me! That's not nice!
Fridge: Hey, I love Roxy, but that's exactly right. I don't love her as much as you. If it's you or her, then she's dinosaur food.
Emma: DADDY!!! That's a very very mean thing to say! Don't say that!

Emma collapses on Roxy, who is thoroughly confused. Emma sobs for a moment or two and then abruptly sits up with a tear-filled face and a slightly mischievous grin

Emma: Hey daddy [chuckles] maybe we can feed Jonny to the velociraptor instead?

Year End Meme

I've been tagged.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Learned to play craps.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
New Year's resolutions are for suckers.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Barbra, my sister-in-law had a baby about a month ago. My first niece after a bunch of nephews. She's cute as hell.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not that I recall. I guess that might determine "close".

5. What places did you visit?
Vegas. Yankee Stadium for the last time.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A maid. Seriously. I am working on this.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Feb 3 and Nov 4. Both big victories for my teams.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
I can't think of any. I've been in a ridiculous holding pattern for over a year. There's a lot of crap on tap for '09, though.


9. What was your biggest failure?
There are many things I failed to make any progress with, including my divorce.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No. Usually, my kids are bringing stuff home every month, but this has been a very good year for our immune systems.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
42" LCD HDTV. I can't imagine going back to non-HD full time anymore.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My kids. They had a great year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My ex's boyfriend. He's an impressive douchebag.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage and day care. Always.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The New York Giants

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
"The Frown Song" by Ben Folds.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder?
happier, I guess.
b) thinner or fatter?
fatter, for sure
c) richer or poorer?
poorer for sure.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Read

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Laundry

20. How did you spend Christmas this year?
Awkwardly

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
With my XBOX 360, yes.

22. How was work?
Surprisingly rewarding.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
The Daily Show. Clusterfuck to the White House was nightly must see tv.

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2008?
My kids and I cooked dinner.

25. What was the best book you read?
Bad year for Fridge reading. The user guide for Gears of War 2?

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I would say, Jay-Z's "Reasonable Doubt", which is only new to me and is a major staple in my rotation.

27. What did you want and get?
XBOX 360

28. What did you want and not get?
Divorced

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Tropic Thunder, I think. Iron Man was good, too. Dark Knight. Wall E? No huge standouts, but a bunch of solid films.

30. Did you make some new friends this year?
A few.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Renting a dumpster and taking a week of vacation to fill it up with the ridiculous clutter in my house.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Hoodie and cargo pants?

33. What kept you sane?
Emma and Jonathan

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Right now, it's the Mom, Mrs. Taylor on Friday Night Lights. She's MILF-tastic.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Sarah Palin being fucking stupid.

35a. What political issue stirred you the least?
Sarah Palin's clothes

36. Who did you miss?
A few of my friends who live all over the US and occasionally my kids.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
There are a couple new guys at work that are pretty cool.

38. Burn any bridges?
Nope. Had ample opportunity to, though.

39. Best new restaurant you went to?
Margaritaville in Las Vegas.

40. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
"There's no weakness in forgiveness." - The aforementioned MILF-tastic Mrs. Taylor.

Movie Resume Meme

Saw this on facebook first, but then most recently on my brother's blog for smart people.

He saw 71. My number should be considerably higher than that.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG [all versions, including King Kong Vs. Godzilla]
Total so far: 13

( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving -MAS
(x) Flubber (orignal only)
Total so far: 17

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 22

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles [One of the best in the John Hughes, suburban teenage white kid flicks]
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 28

(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremacy
(x) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled (original only) [the remake has the sublime Liz Hurley]
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
(x) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 41

(x) Independence Day
(x) Cujo
(x) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
( ) ET [my boycott may not last now that I'm a dad.]
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 48

( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China [watched this about a hundred times in H.S. great!]
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 57

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday (original only)
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 70

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax [Did anyone see this garbage?]
(x) Kippendorf's Tribe [not proud of this]
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 74

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 80

(x) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
(x) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History ( I'm assuming this is American History X but the x got deleted?)
( ) Three
Total so Far: 84

( ) The Jacket
(X) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
(x) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 90

( ) High Tension
(x) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x) Dawn of the Dead
(x) Hook
( ) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
(x) Orgazmo
(x) Phantasm (Underrated)
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 98

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
(x) the Hills Have Eyes
(x) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
(x) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 105

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 111

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2 [easily one of my favorite movies of all time]
(x) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total so far: 121

( ) Battle Royale
( ) Battle Royale 2
(x) Brazil
(x) Contact
(x) Cube
(x) Dr. Strangelove
( ) Enlightenment Guaranteed
( ) Four Rooms
(x) Memento
( ) Pi
( ) Requiem for a Dream
(x) Pulp Fiction
(x) Reservoir Dogs
( ) Run Lola Run
( ) Russian Ark
(x) Serenity
(x) Sin City
(x) Snatch
( ) Spider
(x) The Sixth Sense
(x) The Village
( ) Waking Life
( ) Zatoichi
( ) Ikiru
(x) The Seven Samurai
(x) Brick
(x) Akira
Total so far: 136

Holy crap, am I a loser. I nearly doubled my bro. I guess that explains why he has a PhD and I have an ass-shaped imprint on my couch.

Anyone top that? I tag everyone... that means you.

Sledding!

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

1983 = Awesomeness

Fridge shares videos

Ok, these need to be watched in order.

First watch this one and get your full geek on.



then, as the extreme geekout nearly makes you slide into a coma, watch this and you'll return to normal.

Name Game Meme

Tagged by Tracy in the "all Toasters" category...

1. Witness Protection Program Name (mother’s & father’s middle names): Jane Henry

2. NASCAR Name (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad): Simeon Henry

3. Star Wars Name (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name): Blerik

4. Detective Name (favorite color, favorite animal): Blue Lab

5. Soap Opera Name (middle name, city where you live): John Clinton

6. Superhero Name (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add "THE" to the beginning): The Green Guiness

7. Fly Name (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name): Erir

8. Gangsta Name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie): Chocolate Thin Mint

9. Rock Star Name (current pet’s name, current street name): Roxy Pepperbush

10. Porn Name (1st pet, street you grew up on): Porthos Kendon

My thoughts:
- shouldn't the rules reverse #1 for cases of gender? Henry Jane would be a far better witness protection name than Jane Henry. Unless we're going to extraordinary lengths to hide my identity.
- Blerik is a good star wars name. I'd like to be "Blerik Skywalker" the shiftless drunken half-brother to Luke and Leia. Kinda like Roger Clinton.
- 'Blue Lab' isn't a great detective name, but would be a fantastic name for a pub.
- I think "The Green Guinness" would be an overly muscled heroic leprechaun?
- I could pull off "Chocolate Thin Mint" as a gangsta name. I would just need RZA to produce.

Nope, not ready to be magnanimous yet

Open Post to Barack Obama

----

Look, Mr. President-Elect, I get it. You're the big person, gracious as all get out and you think Lieberman should be allowed to return to the Democratic caucus, "prodigal son" style. So, you know, let's kill a fatted calf and have a barbecue chock full of bon homie, keg beer and backslapping.

Nope. Not yet. Not for Lieberman. Sorry, I can't.

It's a bit personal, you see. It was to me, as a Connecticut voter, that Joe lied during his 2006 Senate run. At the time, one of his faces said he was a vocal critic of the president. His other face said "in matters of war, we undermine presidential credibility at our nation's peril." One of his faces said, in October 2006 (before the election), he thought we could bring the troops home soon. The other face then said two months later (after the election) that doing so was victory for Al Qaeda. During his re-election campaign he said he'd support a Democrat for president. And I'm sure you remember what he said at the Republican Convention, about you voting against funding the troops.

Did you really vote to cut off spending to the troops? Or are you just Jesus-like in your ability to turn the other cheek? I'm not. If it were up to me, I'd put his droopy-faced head on a pike next to the Washington Monument. It's not me, however, and you seem to have a distaste for revenge. But more than just me looking for revenge, there's a pragmatic side to punishing Joe. Simply put, there has to be a cost for his actions. You've got a big job ahead as the offcial cat-herder of self-obsessed Washington operators. If you expect to have the respect of 535 supremely egotistical and independently motivated congress members, there has to be a cost to stepping THIS FUCKING far out of line.

So, I get it. You're a legit "big tent" guy. But Joe Lieberman lied to his constituents, lied about your record and turned his back on his party at the most critical moments of my lifetime. There has to be a cost.

We un-retire this blog to bring you thoughts of a five year old

Yesterday, I bought my son a Spiderman lunch box because I dropped his Speed Racer lunch box and the little plastic doo-hickey that keeps it closed snapped off. That led to this conversation on the way to pre-school today.

Jonny: Dad, why did you break my Speed Racer lunch box?
Dad: Well, it was an accident, remember? It fell off the counter and broke.
Jonny: Oh yeah. I remember. That's OK Dad, because it was an accident and I like this one better anyway.
Dad: Great! What do you like about it?
Jonny: It's like my friend Nicholas' spider man lunch box, but different. It's blue. It has my name on it. Hey, I can see Spider-Man's penis.
Dad: Wait, What!?!?!?! You can?!?!?!
Jonny: Yeah, it's right next to his leg.
Dad (thinking silently): That's where you usually find them. Apparently Daddy didn't vet this lunch box sufficiently.
Jonny (singing): "Spider Penis! Spider Penis! Does whatever a Spider Penis does....."

In truth, it was simply the copious bulge in Spider-man's spider-crotch, which Daddy explained was most likely stuffed with spider-socks to help him attract spider-chicks.

Warshington!