I don't get it: Does that mean I'm a racist?

Hang Imus!

Really? Do we have to? I mean, Atrios in particular is on the warpath. He's been beating the anti-Imus drum for a couple days now. I don't get it. Does that mean I'm a racist?

DISCLAIMER: I certainly understand how what Imus said was incredibly offensive to those girls. I get that. I just don't understand why we're all obssessed with it.

My parents have listened to Imus since WFAN was WNBC and still listen to him. By osmosis, I've become somewhat of a reluctant Imus expert.

Imus' highly tedious radio/tv gig is based on him being incredibly surly his producer Bernard McGuirk being incredibly politically incorrect, Charles McCord being straight man to all this and a bunch of talking heads and politicos making each other laugh like the tiresome boys club that they are. What he said was completely in line with the rest of the show. They offend everyone.

I can see why the girls are offended. But, he's said as bad or worse about lots of folks. Now, we have to get rid of him? Now? Because he offended those athletes? He's offended lots of people. Why now, do we get rid of the guy? For the 25-30 years that I've overheard my folks listening to him, he's had a running joke where they'd have a Teddy Kennedy impersonator go off on a rant, only to cut him off with the sound of a car crash and the sound of a girl drowning. That's offensive too. He's made fun of many black icons before, too like Mike Tyson, Oprah and Jesse Jackson in lots of racially insensitive ways. But now it's gone too far? Why? What's especially offensive about this?

I don't know. Maybe I'm not offended because I see the guy as an antiquated relic. Maybe he's just not relevant to me and my world view. Just like I knew that people watched Hunter for the 7 years it was on, but I just didn't know any of them. He's a cranky old coot. He's the old dude shaking his fist and yelling, "Get off my lawn!" He's tedious and self-involved. Just listen to someone else.

What's the 411?

Google is the 411.

To try this service, just dial 1-800-GOOG-411 (1-800-466-4411) from any phone.

Check out the page, there's little to it. I don't have much to add, except that this is yet another place for Google to pimp their "sponsored results". And, since it won't cost $1.25 (What I believe verizon wireless charges for 411Connect) a shot and has the Google brand attached, I bet people will use it. As always, quality of results is king, but I had no problem googling my place of business - I just programmed that number into my cell phone.

NB: ONLY FOR BUSINESSES. Not White Pages searching. Bummer.

Verizon's gotta be cranky.

Movie Review - Beerfest

This movie should have been great. Really, a sports spoof based on drinking games? Genius.

But, something is lacking that keeps this movie from being great. To elaborate, let me use today's most overused rhetorical devices. The self-interview:

Is it funny? Mostly.
Are there naked hooters? Absolutely!
Is there a grandma doing strange and unspeakable things to a sausage? Yes.
Is there an extremely memorable beer goggled hookup scene? Damn right.
Do they masturbate frogs? Yeah, but that's so cliche.
Did you learn about something called a "strikeout"? Yep. Apparently, that's doing a bong hit and then chugging a beer and doing a shot before you exhale.
Why didn't you love it? That's the hardest question to answer. This movie had lots of great bits, but for a sports movie to really work, you need to have entertaining villains. The German team (always a good ethnic choice) was truly annoying. Their was this quality of over-acting in each of their performances. I just hated whenever any of them were on the screen. They ruined the movie. Plus, they shoehorned Jurgen Prochnow into the movie, apparently just so they could have him say "I had a bad experience in a submarine once." Get it? He was in Das Boot! Problem is, Jurgen Prochnow is not funny. That side of the movie didn't work and that's where I think the movie failed.

So, you're better off watching this one on cable, or even just checking out the YouTube clip below.



Rating: 2.5 out of 5 possible couches.

Quick Hits

-- Fuck you Kanye West. I have both The College Dropout and Late Registration. Both are great albums. But, seriously, do you need to credit every performer that is on every song? See, each of these shows as a different artist on my iPod. Two albums = 18 artists. That's annoying, bro. Next album, all "Kanye West", please.

-- The first time your three year old son says, "Daddy, I want to go to the potty." from the back seat of your car is fantastic. I am a proud Daddy.

-- Someday the Yankees will get a decent starting pitching performance. At least I'm pretty sure that will happen.

-- I hit my favorite package store (Connecticut-ese for Liquor Store) and grabbed Thomas Hooker Hop Meadow IPA and a belgian amber whose name escapes me. The Hop Meadow was too Hoppy even for me and the belgian was waaayyy too malty. You can't really mix them either. This clearly is the weakness of trying new beers.

-- From God Tube: Chatting with Charley. In it, you will see Charley answer the question of how a kangaroo could hop from Turkey, where Noah "turned it loose" all the way to Australia (Spoiler: Ice Bridges). And that a llama and camels are the same species. I'm addicted to GodTube.

-- Apple shipped 100 million iPods. Holy crap that's a lot. Who doesn't have one that wants one? Sell your Apple stock, people.

-- I don't know anything about Sanjaya or why people are so interested in the fact that he's still on American Idol. But, I like his sister. (WARNING: MUTE YOUR SPEAKERS OR BE SUBJECTED TO ANNOYING HINDI MUSIC).

Math Nerds love the Yankees

At least, this one does.

He predicts 110 games based upon a mathematical model that he's created. 109 more to go to prove him right. You can see the full predictions here.

It is far more likely, in my opinion, that the model accounts for injuries, complacency or A-Rod screwing it up, i.e. things that might derail an extraordinary acheivement of winning 110 games.

I do find it interesting that his model does find very few other exceptionally good teams. That would support Toast's assertion that the Yanks will win it all this year.

Today, a mistake will be undone.

I couldn't be happier about this. Today, Andy Pettitte returns to the New York Yankees. He never should have left. Intellectually, I understood it. The Yankees were afraid of his elbow. As it happened, they were right. Pettitte missed time to elbow surgery in his first season away from the Yanks. But after that lost season, Andy has been his typically durable self, pitching more than 200 innings in each of the last two seasons. Despite their well-founded concerns about his elbow, the Yanks offered Pettitte more money to stay in New York and he instead took less and went home to Houston. I understood.

Still, it hurt. See, to me, that was the true end of the Yankee Dynasty. Losing Paul O'Neill and Tino was one thing. They were older and declining. Tino later returned and Paulie went to the booth. But Pettitte was there at the start of all of this run and left to go somewhere else. I couldn't stand seeing him in Houston. To me, he's as much a Yankee as Jeter, Mattingly or Mantle. Those guys aren't supposed to leave their teams in their primes (32) and play somewhere else. Those guys stay in pinstripes their whole careers.

He came up in the summer of '95 when I had just graduated from RPI for the second time (long story) and had decided to blow off my nice new shiny mechanical engineering degree and open a bar with my Dad (another long story). So, while I waited that summer for the SBA to approve our loan and the complicated transaction to purchase our bar to go through, pretty much all I had was the Yankees and their rookie pitcher Andy Pettitte.

I loved the guy instantly. My Dad? He didn't see it (he has since come around). He'd say, "That guy you like tonight is pitching. What's his name? No control." I'd say, "I dunno why I like him. He just battles." He just battles. That is the essence of Andy Pettitte. Stat heads sneer at Pettitte and his legion of fans. The look at his career of giving up more hits than innings, walking too many batters and striking out too few and they chuckle. "Stupid Yankee homers! Andy Pettitte is soooo overrated. People just think that he's good because he plays for the Yankees."

Those people are wrong. He's not just good because he plays the Yankees. The Yankees were also good because of him. Many players have put on the pinstripes. Many of those have been chewed up and spit out despite the back of their baseball cards (see, Rodriguez, Alex). Not Andy Pettitte. He just battles. To me there's just one set of stats that truly represents the dude. 186 Wins, 104 Losses in the majors. 43 wins and 20 losses in the minors. The man is a winner (see? Nomaas.org's above photoshop even says so). Again, Stat Heads shrug their shoulders about how meaningful wins are, as there are obviously many factors that lead to a pitcher's victory. This, of course, is true. I'd also say though, that when your professional baseball record is 16 years long (minors and majors) and your record is 229-124, that is also statistically significant. And there are enough Jeff Weavers, Jose Contrerases and Kenny Rogerses in baseball to show that it's not as simple as just putting on the pinstripes.

The signature moment for Pettitte came in 1996 in Game 5 of the World Series. He started game 1 against the Braves at Yankee Stadium. He was terrible, gave up 8 runs and the Yanks never had a chance in that game. They lost game 2 in similar fashion. Things were not going well. A clutch performance from David Cone in game 3 followed by a miracle Jim Leyritz homer in game 4 tied the series. In Game 5, a rematch of Game 1 Smoltz and Pettitte. Smoltz was simply too much for the Yankees. He had won 24 games that year and would later receive the Cy Young award. Andy Pettitte had completely fallen apart in Game 1. Smoltz would not let his team down. He strikes out 10 Yankees and gives up only one unearned run due to a error by Marquis Grissom. In all, he should have been the World Series MVP, but to do that your team needs to win. They didn't. That's because Andy Pettitte put the Yankees on his back that night and was just one unearned run better than John Smoltz. For 8 and 1/3 innings, he shut out the Braves to beat them for the third straight time in their park. A truly herculean performance. He battled. He entered the Yankee fans hearts and never left.

Welcome back Andy.

Updated: Rain out. D'oh! Should have just entitled the post "a mistake will be undone".

By far the best thing about 38Pitches.com is...

... reading it after a game where Curt Schilling stinks up the joint.

Not the start I was hoping for. Walking off the mound I knew my FB command was crap, and that I’d need to get it right fast.

Oooh... Our intrepid hero is experiencing the trials and tribulations of opening day! Alas, it wasn't meant to be!

I never let us get into the game after the first. Every inning they pushed and I didn’t push back.

Luckily pudgy Curt has the folks at Red Sox Nation to pick him up! From the Comments on Curt's post!

CountZer0 says:

Give ya’ credit dude — posting that was probably one of the more difficult things you’ve had to do, huh? I don’t think if I had a day at work like you just had I would be writing anything about it — except maybe a few choice words I wouldn’t repeat in front of the kids. :-)

Peace and better stuff next time.

Yes, blogging is brave and dangerous work. Good job, Curt!

Redsoxgrrrl says:

Thanks for posting even after such a tough day for you and the Nation. Let’s all shake this one off and get back out there strong the next time. Peace.

Wow. Such great fans. She sounds perky!

The apparently mis-named Skinnyman2007 says:

Don’t worry Curt it is only the first game. Wednesday it will be Josh and then the Man Dice K takes the mound. How do you think Dice K will do Curt? Curt it is like being on a diet some days you are focused and some days you are not. I am the one on the nutrisystem diet. Curt will you and the rest of your team mates give me support Curt while I am on the diet. Could I get a baseball autographed by David Ortiz to keep me motovatied. Take care Curt and I will keep you and the rest of the team in my prayers as you travel on the road. Curt final question what is your favorite verse from the Bible and why?

From, Jeff

Uh. Skinnyman2007 Jeff? You're a fucking nut.

Vicksp, offering tactical advice, says:

I noticed you didn’t throw inside much. Maybe you could have taken a page from Pedro and got them thinking with a few more pitches inside. It seems to me he threw inside more when he didn’t have his best stuff. In any case, hang in there and get’em next time.

Yes, it's true Pedro did exactly that. This in fact is what makes Pedro a complete fucking douchenozzle. He's also been known to throw old men to the ground and have a strange fondness for midgets. I wouldn't exactly choose him for a role-model.

Fridge says:

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

The Atheist's Nightmare

Did you know that Bananas prove God? I wonder what pineapples say about God? Coconuts?

He's right, though. I'm fucking terrified of bananas. Especially Bananas in Pyjamas. Those things are evil.

Saint John Paul - Patron Saint of Mystic Bullshit

It's a miracle! Pope JP cured a nun! Very Convenient because there is that stickler of a miracle that's required to be promoted to Sainthood. Kind of a "graduate thesis project" to be done in the off-hours. I'm rooting for JP, since he's pretty much embodied Catholicism for most of my life. I'll be able to tell my grandkids that I saw Derek Jeter play before he made the Hall of Fame and I saw JP on TV before he made saint. Let's hope the veteran's committee doesn't pull a dick maneuver when JP comes up for a vote.

Here's what confuses me...

The 46-year-old, speaking in a clear, poised voice, said she was diagnosed with Parkinson's in 2001. Her symptoms worsened with time: Driving became practically impossible, she had difficulty walking, and her left arm hung limply at her side. She also could no longer bear to see John Paul on television, because he, too, was stricken — more seriously — with the disease.

Dude had the disease too and chose to cure her! Nice job! Voters like that! If it were me, I'd have used those magic powers on myself. But ladies and gentlemen, that's why I'll never be a saint like our man, JP. That, and because it's all complete mystical bullshit.

I'm So Tired

I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
No, no, no

I'm so tired I don't know what to do
I'm so tired my mind is set on you
I wonder should I call you but I know what you'd do

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind

I'm so tired, I'm feeling so upset
Although I'm so tired I'll have another cigarette
And curse Sir Walter Raleigh
He was such a stupid git

You'd say I'm putting you on
But it's no joke, it's doing me harm
You know I can't sleep, I can't stop my brain
You know it's three weeks, I'm going insane
You know I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind
I'd give you everything I've got
For a little peace of mind

---

I need a nap.

UPDATED: I now know that not everyone will recognize the Beatles tune on the White Album from whence these lyrics came. At least, Toast didn't. Feel much better today.

Blogging Meme

Crap. I was tagged by Toast.

1. Do you do most of your blogging at home, at work, or at some third space? (A coffee shop, perhaps, or a library. Or a genial tavern.) Mostly at work. That's when I'm most able to quickly pop out and write something up. I've posted some at home, but find myself away from the computer more there.




2. Desktop or laptop? At work, my desktop. At home, one of my laptops.




3. Mac, Windows, or other? Windows Server 2003 at work. Windows XP service pack 2 at home.





4. Is your weblog a solo effort or a group blog? Just me. Not much of an effort, either. It's still in the larval stage. Not even sure what I'm trying to do here.




5. Do you allow comments? Sure. A few people have even left them.




6. Do you allow trackbacks? I'm not even sure what they are.




7. Do you have a blogroll? Kind of. I have links to Toast and my buddy Manuel's music blog.




8. What's your platform - Blogger, Movable Type, WordPress, TypePad, ExpressionEngine, Squarespace, Drupal... Blogger. Is Very Nice. Wa wa we-wa





9. Have you given serious thought to switching platforms; if so, why? Nah. I do this for fun. No reason to go too crazy about it.




10. Who's your webhost? Blogger




11. Happy with your host, or looking for a change? Is Very Nice.




12. If GenericBigMediaConcern.Com offered you boxes of cash to have your blog incorporated into their online presence (ala Greenwald at Salon or Sullivan at The Atlantic), would you do it? Yeah, absolutely. Why not? In fact, if I could have one gig, it would be a fantasy sports blogger/commentator like Eric Karabell at ESPN. I wouldn't even have to move.

Tag... Manny, aka a man who knows music, especially the kind I like well enough that he'll say "just trust me, buy it" and I do and he's right.

Tony - Get Well Soon

But in the meantime, Dana Perino is a fine lookin' woman.

Conservapedia - Baseball

I was messing with a buddy at work, playing the true "Ugly American" basically denying that baseball's origins began with cricket. See, he's originally from India (although now an American citizen) and he likes cricket. I told him I'd only believe that if it was in Conservapedia. So I went and checked. No entry. So I created one.

Here it is. Feel free to change it.

"Baseball is a team sport created in the United States of America. It has no relation to cricket. In fact, on the eight day, God created baseball because there was nothing on television. It came out fully formed and hasn't evolved in any way with the exception of some minor changes to the collective bargaining agreement."



Updated: Wow. That lasted all of 10 minutes. They already edited it and got rid of the truest parts. My username and IP has been blocked.

"dogs will always be inferior to cats."

So said Toast in the comments of my Poddery post("Uncle Toast" to my kids).

Frankly this perplexes me to no end. I think cats are just fine, but I don't see the appeal at all to having one in my house all the time. My daughter wants one, but thus far has only been able to explain this desire by saying, "They're pretty!" (she is 4, after all).

What is the appeal? Anyone know? Because when I look at a cat, I see the high school cheerleader of the animal kingdom. They preen and groom constantly and walk around with their noses in the air. They scoff at any human who foolishly thinks they might come over to say hello when being called. I just don't see it. Cat's are like a furry version of Paris Hilton.

Meanwhile, a dog does no such thing. Dogs are everything that a cat isn't: Friendly, Loyal and Useful. Indeed, a large part of the difference I see in that cats are not useful in anyway. Can a cat do any of these things?

Retrieve a bird you shot out of the sky?

Help a blind person across the street?

Find injured people in rubble after an earthquake?

Defeat a bear in mortal combat? (Old Yeller!)

No. A cat can't do any of that. Of course not. They're just cute. They're like supermodels, only slightly smarter. Screw Cats.

Because Haloscan sucks - Poddery goodness

Couldn't post this at TwoGlasses. Damn you, haloscan.
Here's mine:

* Ben Folds - "Losing Lisa" Rockin' the Suburbs
"She's sitting here beside me and she is gone."

* Iron Maiden - "Judas Be My Guide" Fear of the Dark
"Fight wars - Die in a blaze of glory. Come home - Meat in a plastic sack"

* Sublime - "Get Ready" Sublime
"load up the bong, crank up the song,
let the informa call 911"

* Ryan Adams - "Wild Flowers" Gold
"Poor Matilda, handcuffed hard to the wheel And steering wildly through love's fields, so blindly"

* Eminem - "Yellow Brick Road" Encore
"Let's take this shit back to basement
And we can disscuss statements thats made on this tape
And its whole origin of the music that we all know and love
The music that we all enjoy the music you all accuse me of tryna destroy"

* U2 - "Grace" All that you can't leave behind
"Grace, It's a name for a girl. It's also a thought that changed the world"

* Tyler Bates - "The Hot Gates" 300 Soundtrack
Awesome Soundtrack!

* Soundgarden - "Never Named" Down on the Upside
"I had a dog. He was a mix. He loved me like God"
This is why Dogs rule.

* Doves - "The Last Broadcast" The Last Broadcast
"You can't escape yourself. You can't just fall away. It comes to the point when you feel nothing This is the last time, cause I can see it in your eyes"

* Queen - "Fat Bottomed Girls" Greatest Hits
" Now I got mortgages and homes, I got stiffness in the bones. Ain't no beauty queens in this locality (I tell you). Oh but I still get my pleasure, still got my greatest treasure. Heap big woman you gonna make a big man out of me "
I like big butts and I cannot lie. No other brother can deny.

* Badly Drawn Boy - "Tickets To What You Need" Have You Fed The Fish
"I'm treading the borderlines and ruining people's lives by giving them what they need"

* Queensryche - "I'm American" Operation Mindcrime II
"If you voted for the man you're wasting time. He's got his fingers dipped in everyone's pie. The news can't wait to promote all the bullshit this government is selling.

* AC/DC - "What do you do for Money Honey?" Back In Black
"You're loving on the take
And you're always on the make
Squeezing all the blood out of men"
Not the most politically correct album ever, but easily one of the best.

I'm very happy with this 13.

Rove on Lieberdouche - "He's a personal friend"

Under the headline "GOP Gave Joe a Boost" the hometown Courant has this little gem.

On primary day, White House political guru Karl Rove called the senator. "He's a personal friend," Rove said later. "I called him. It was a personal call."

I know this isn't news per se, but Jesu-fucking-Cristo is it frustrating to see that little tidbit as Joe solemnly ponders his future and decides how best to end his tenure as a Democrat once and for all.

Sure, this is the public statement:

Lieberman has maintained that he has no intention of switching parties. He says that he is trying to use his independent status to build new coalitions and look for new approaches to bringing colleagues together.

So far, those new approaches have mostly been chastising critics of the President as "emboldening the enemy". If you're delusional like Joe and thing that you've been a "persistent critic of the Administration" (not the aforementioned 'personal friend') you might expand your delusion to think that is a new approach. It's not really. It's the same ol' H.J.B.S.

How is Joe's tenure as a Dem gonna end? With a lot of serious soul-searching, taking only breaks for the sabbath and FoxNews before regretfully laying the blame at the feet of the Democratic Party who abandoned him while being consoled by Tim Russert. But, hey, you haven't lived until you've nestled into Big Timmeh's loving arms and gotten a kiss on the forehead. The man has pillow-soft lips.

Strangely, I look forward to that day. Sure, it will be hugely frustrating to see my home state Senator finally turn against my party. But the wolf will have at least cast off his sheep's clothing and the Democrats who couldn't stomach a vote for Ned Lamont will finally see what they've done. And it will pave the way for his natural heir Dick Blumenthal to take over.

No friggin' way.

No self-respecting geek would ever set foot in this.

No way, no how. Where's the Dilbert tear off calendar? Where are the coffee stains? The pile of CDs? Crappy, uh, I mean fantastic art from the kids? Giant ball of rubber bands? That place sucks. So does this one and especially this one, too.



Here's what a real geek's cube looks like:

Note the "Great One" coffee. The nasal sprays. Wires askew. The iPod and giant black headphones. The thousand page techie tomes. This is where work gets done.... occasionally.

Big Bottom

Hear ya go, just because it's awesome:

The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or so I have read

My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo

Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?

I met her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean

My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah

Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?

My babies are probably not gay: Not that there's anything wrong with that

A buddy of mine sent me this link. Is your baby gay?

Check out some excerpts.

---

Pity the poor fetus. There's a lot coming its way. And now there's talk on a conservative evangelical blog of a hypothetical hormone patch that an expectant mother might wear to eradicate her fetus's natural gayness.

The patch, the biological determinism: It's all conjecture, for now. But it hit like a theological IED when it turned up earlier this month on the blog of the Rev. R. Albert Mohler Jr., one of the leading voices of the 16 million-strong Southern Baptist Convention. He blogged on these issues under the appropriately provocative headline: "Is Your Baby Gay? What if You Could Know? What if You Could Do Something About It?"

---

A ridiculously offensive idea, of course. Why even address the moral and ethical absurdity of this "religious leader's" eugenics plan to cleanse the world of queers? It's bullshit on it's face. What's made obvious is that when these religious wackos try and apply science using their flawed and irrational base assumptions that a) God exists and b) he hates gays then you get this kind of despicable evil gobbledygook. It's utter nonsense and the idea that that this guy speaks for anyone, much less 16 million baptists is fucking terrifying.

Now, on the other hand, if we had a test and patch to determine if our kids were going to grow up to be Baptists... I might be interested.

[sidebar]
I have two kids and my wife and I spoke openly about the possibility that one or both of them might be gay. We agreed that if that happens, it wouldn't matter a bit to us, but that we'd have to help them adjust to how it may affect how they are accepted by others.

In fact, having kids has completely crystallized my feelings about Gay Marriage. Before I had kids, I held a completely intellectually and ideologically based opinion that any two consenting adults should be allowed to marry, regardless of their gender. That position made the most logical and ethical sense to me. But, one day my daughter changed all of that for me. We were watching Cinderella (again!)and it was the near the end and she was excited. Her favorite part of the movie is when Cinderella and the Prince get married. "Here it comes!", she said. They kiss in the carriage. She loves it. I thought to myself, what if she were a lesbian? Would she be this excited about a 'civil union'? Probably not. And that's where intellect and ideology didn't quite cut it. If my daughter were a lesbian and she wanted to get married, then goddamn it, she should be allowed to. Same goes for my boy.
[end sidebar]

I began this post saying that my babies probably aren't gay. Every parent certainly considers what their kids future is and at times you get glimpses in their every day behavior. Allow me to elaborate: As it seems it's genetic, my kids exhibit some behavior that I wouldn't expect from someone genetically predisposed to be a homosexual. Notably, there have been many times that my daughter has been so flirtatious with teenage boys that her Dad has envisioned needing to imprison her from ages 15-30. And there has been twice that my three year old son has been rendered mute and awestruck by the beauty of a little girl he was playing with. It's weird to see ayour boy stop playing with trains and have a "goofy love face" come over him. He got positively stalker-esque. And last and not least, there was something that happened in the bath this Saturday that caused Dad to step in and put an end to it immediately and then proceed directly to the kitchen to wash my eyes out with White Pepper and Clorox. I may never get over that and my eyes will never un-see it. So, my kids may not grow up to be gay, but growing up to be on Jerry Springer isn't out of the realm of possibility.

Intelligent Designers - Quick Question

Why did God give me sinuses? Did he want to smite me with this headache? Why design them such that they throb and ache and generally make me want to punch someone in the face? Was it the donut email? Goddammit, God. My head hurts! That shit is not cool at all.

TiVo Scheduling from my Phone?

As an absolute TiVo-zealot, I love this. Already I can schedule my recordings from the web. I can order shows and movies from Amazon.com and watch them on my TV. Now, next time The wife and I are out and I've forgotten to DVR something, I can use my trusty Verizon LG8300.

That's some sweet geekdom right there. Love it.

This is truly reefer madness!

This story is unbelievable. 41-year old lady in California has an inoperable tumor in her brain. The Government, apparently having run out of local democratic officials to prosecute, has said, "Put down the joint, bitch!"

Raich, who suffers from many ailments, says marijuana keeps her alive by easing pain and bolstering appetite.

"Today I found out I am basically a dead man walking," Raich, who once worked as an accountant and massage therapist, told Reuters. "Today the court said I don't have the constitutional right to basically stay alive."

This is truly offensive. Please note that in California the use of marijuana for medical purposes is legal. This is a case of the feds trumping the state government. Please hold for the trememdous cry or outrage for this invasion by big government into the sacred jurisdiction of states rights from the Republicans, Heritage Foundation and the American Enterprise Institute .

[crickets chirping...]

ahh... Nothing. So, while the government fucks around, keeping marijuana illegal, this lady's gonna have to sit and worry if the feds will bust in her door, seize her medical marijuana and toss her dying ass in jail. I guess worrying about the tumor in her noggin wasn't enough.

Look, I am firmly of the belief that after a shitty day at work, I ought to be able to hit my supermarket for a six-pack of Magic Hat #9 and a 4-pack of Marlboro Jamaican Lights. That ought to be my right. I have begrudgingly become used to the fact that, for completely arbitrary reasons, this is not allowed by law. When I see idiocy like this, however, it pisses me off to no end.

Let the dying woman have a joint, for the love of the FSM!

Fuck!

James Dolan uses "surge" strategy on the Knicks

Because, you know, more of a bad thing is always the answer...

I think Isiah has clearly done a pretty good job of coaching the team. What he's been pretty spotty at is building the team. His main problem is that while almost every move has increased the talent level of the team, every move also has two problems: Zeke consistently overpays and the pieces don't fit when they get on the floor.

Even still, if he did nothing else, he traded for Curry who is a truly dominant offensive force and drafted David Lee, who is the second coming of Charles Oakley. And unlike any Knick team since the Van Gundy regime, this team plays with passion. Unfortunately, they're still not very good because they don't play consistently.

The 2008 season ticket slogan. "Your New York Knicks: you can watch them without barfing or slipping into a coma"

Amazon Unbox + TiVo = Merely OK.

A while ago, I put up a post talking about Tivo and Amazon's new partnership. It's a real, live offering now. They offered a 15 dollar credit for Amazon Unbox, and I quickly jumped on the freebie, so I could test the service out.

The service comes in two flavors, Rent or Buy. Figuring that the difference between the two was mostly the lifetime of the downloaded file (30 days for "RENT" and indefinitely for "BUY")I was most interested in the "BUY" option. So I cashed in my 15 bucks on downloading "Babel" (Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett). I did this from work. I logged into Amazon, clicked on "Amazon Unbox" and then selected Amazon+TiVo. This required me to enter the email address I had registered at Tivo.com which is used for online scheduling, etc. Then, I had 15 bucks of virtual cash burning a hole in my pocket. I clicked on "buy" from the Babel page ($14.99) and selected one of my two TiVo's to download it to (you name them on TiVo.com - Mine are named "bedroom" and "living room"). I chose the Bedroom TiVo because it has a DVD burner and I wanted to see it TiVo was slick enough to allow me to burn the flick to DVD. And voila! The file begins downloading. I went back to work. One feature of note is that I haven't just bought the downloaded file, but the right to download it again from Amazon. So, when I whack it from my TiVo to reclaim space, I can download it again.

When I got home, I checked my bedroom TiVo and there it was: A TiVo "folder" called Amazon Unbox and in it was Babel. Can't burn it to DVD. Bummer, but maybe that's coming with a software update, right? Still, it's Strike One. I check out the quality and it's excellent, both in terms of video and audio.

Later that night, I sit down on my couch to watch the movie. My two TiVo's are wirelessly connected through my home network which enables one of the coolest TiVo features - Video Sharing. I can watch a program on TiVo A that was recorded on TiVo B. Of course, this should work for Amazon Unbox programs. Argh. Strike Two. I "bought" this, right? I can't transfer it from one box to another? Ack.

I log back into Amazon and find, upon reading some small print, that each download is dedicated to being on just one box at a time, and only 2 "PCs" and two "Mobile Devices" (read:not an iPod). You can change which PCs can play your media. Each TiVo box counts as a PC. And I am allowed to "backup my movie to DVD". Reading even smaller print teaches me that means backing up the amazon file to DVDRom, not creating a DVD playable in normal DVD players. Annoying.

I then decide that I'll just download it to my Living Room DVR and watch it from there. I click download and sure enough, the next time I check my DVR list there it is. I click on the Amazon Unbox folder and try and watch the movie. No go. Message comes on screen "You must wait until transfer has completed". Strike Three. You see, the movie file is 2+ GB in size and that's just way too long to wait (it later turns out that it took 2hrs, so I'd have to watch a movie while waiting to watch a movie).

This is something that TiVo needs to fix. When transferring programs from DVR to DVR or PC to DVR, I can watch almost immediately. With Cable On Demand, you can watch almost immediately. Having to wait until the entire program downloads is just too long. And the mere fact that the download took about the same time as the movie makes it self-evident that you should be able to watch as you download. Lame.

It's official "Buying" is useless. And the price is not low enough to give up the flexibility and control you have with an actual DVD. Perhaps when we all have Fiber Optic lines running to our houses, but not now.

Renting? Renting is better. The cost is lower (a still too-high $3.99) and the length of the rental is 30 days. If they adopted the Netflix subscription model, it might even be more attractive. As it is, given the ability to begin the download from any internet location, you could consider it like Netflix without the mailbox. No need to get the movie or send it back. I personally think that a fairer cost would be 1.99

The really compelling bit about all this was that this is just software. All of a sudden, one day, I could download a movie from Amazon and watch it on my TV. That's pretty cool. The "buy" implementation is terrible. It just doesn't offer much value. The "rent" implementation is much more interesting, but I still think that the price is a bit high. It has some benefits over traditional renting (selection and no store or mailbox to visit) but two hours to move it from one place to another? That's hardly "on demand" and even less is it this (from the TiVo website):

With the click of your mouse, they can be re-downloaded back to your TiVo box and ready to watch whenever the mood strikes.

Sure, if you know the mood will strike two hours from now.

300

Extremely Succinct Review: Holy Fucking Shit!

Less Succinct Review: Audacious and Pretentious. You may not love it, but you've never seen anything like it. No scene is a throw away, at least visually. Each is filmed like it is a decadent fashion ad, even the ones featuring decapitated heads flying in the air or charging armored rhinos. This is movie isn't eye-candy, it's eye-porn. It assaults your senses on the screen and through its wicked soundtrack.

Many have tried to look at this as an allegory for the quagmire in Iraq. To them, I say, "Bah, you're waaay overthinking this flick" Indeed, you will hear words that will echo those of politicians on both sides. But making some kind of statement? I don't see it that way at all, and I really looked. I see it as a story of a principled rebellion. The creepy androgynous and strangely super-tall Xerxes trying to negotiate with the austere, chiseled, principled and honorable Spartans. I just can't see a way to fit that into the War on Terrah(tm).

How's the plot? There is one, I won't recount it here and like most porn, it's the least interesting thing about what you're watching. You won't and shouldn't see this movie for that. You'll see this for stunning visuals, the avalanche of action and the performance of Gerard Butler, who enters the pantheon of celluloid ass-kickers with his portrayal of Leonides.

Rundown
Favorite scene: the big mutant dude.
Scene that sucked: the senate
Gratuitous Naked Chicks: Check!
Gratuitous Naked Man Ass: Um, Check.
Thing that annoyed me in the theater: Stupid Bitch behind me that felt the need to tell all of us that she didn't agree with a particular choice of the queen because she felt it was sexist. She's lucky I didn't pull a Leonides on her punk ass.
RATING: 4.5 of 5 Possible Couches.

Quick Album Recommendation - Sing You Sinners - Erin McKeown

by Erin McKeown.

I had never heard of her until I caught a co-worker surfing (when they should have been working - for shame!) to find a nearby store that had a copy of this album. I was intrigued by his description and the goofy retro album cover and checked it out. I loved the iTunes samples and quickly bought it(too quickly, I'd say. Those apple guys have made it real easy for me to spend 10 bucks at a time. Clever bastards).

It's breezy and light in the style of 30's-40's standards. All covers of old tunes, some well known (Get Happy, Paper Moon, Just One Of Those Things) some not. It's kind of a peppy, swinging female version of Chris Isaak or Michael Buble. She keeps the sweetness coming from beginning to end and you'll end your listening session with your ears having that same minty-and-refreshed feeling your mouth gets from brushing your teeth. It's very enjoyable. The highlights are Get Happy, Cou Cou, the title track - Sing You Sinners and an interesting jazz take on Cole Porter's Just One Of Those Things.

I was quite surprised to find that the rest of her catalog doesn't seem to be at all like this one. This is confusing and impressive, because she handles this album with a level of assurance of someone who has been working in this style for a long time. Her last album was more of a rock-folk effort.

As such, I don't know what the next album may look like. But I'm interested to see what's next.

BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Ol' Newty was having an affair while chasing after Bill.

Oh Right-Wing Hypocrisy, I love you so.

Updated: CNN hypothesizes the confession is to clear way for prez run from Newty? Wow. I imagine that he'd do pretty well in the south, but anywhere else? Doubt it.

Careful Rudy, these guys eat their own

Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. This is what happens when you align yourself with Republican base.

These people, aside from truly believing that Jesus will return to earth sometime soon (perhaps to be a judge on American Idol), have gotten very used to having political power way beyond the level of influence they deserve. What is the difference between this guy commenting on Rudy's candidacy and a mullah commenting on the political happenings in Iran? None, if you ask me. Both are scary as hell.

And Rudy, you CHOSE to join with these guys. After you showed true leadership after 9/11, your ambition got the better of you and you went over to the dark side. At first, I thought it was just The Bush Administration using you. Then, I saw that you were using them, too. The moment for me, one of your fans up to that point, was when you stood up on behalf of the Bush Administration during the Republican Convention. That's when you're "maverick" status died and I buried it in the graveyard next to "Mel Gibson is cool" and "Jim Fassel - Offensive Guru".

I liked you as mayor of NYC cleaning up time square and the bureaucracy. I loved you in the post-9/11 chaos. You disappointed me with your ambitiousness after that and now, you may just find out that the Republican Party was using you for "street cred" more than you were using them.

Good Luck.

Donuts in the Kitchen

I just dropped off Donuts in the office kitchen. This is the email that I sent to my co-workers.

And God spoke unto Noah and said "Make for me the finest confection that the world I have given unto you has ever known!"

And Noah said unto the Lord, "Dude. I totally have that covered. We already have that. We call them 'Donuts'"

And Noah gave unto the Lord a Boston Creme with Sprinkles. And the Lord looked upon the confection and saw that it was good.

And when the Lord took a bite of the confection, he knew it was freakin' awesome.

And Noah said unto the Lord, "See? I told ya."

And the Lord unto Noah, "Wow, you were right. Um, I have this other idea about a boat..."

I have darn good intelligence that the weapons were provided by Iran

Weapon-Wielding Monkeys!

Let me be the first to say that if Senegal does not disarm these monkeys, the US will be forced to take our security into our own hands. Clearly a simple chimp can't be trusted with advanced weaponry such as this.

This will not be tolerated and if Senegal doesn't do their part, we will not distinguish between them an the terrorist monkeys they harbor.

And just for fun...

GI Joe with a Kung Fu Grip

Woah! Check this out!

Worst drop since the first trading after 9/11.

Everything I needed to know about money, I learned from Eddie Murphy:

Billy Ray Valentine: Okay, pork belly prices have been dropping all morning, which means that everybody is waiting for it to hit rock bottom, so they can buy low. Which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are saying, "Hey, we're losing all our damn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain't gonna have no money to buy my son the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip! And my wife ain't gonna f... my wife ain't gonna make love to me if I got no money!" So they're panicking right now, they're screaming "SELL! SELL!" to get out before the price keeps dropping. They're panicking out there right now, I can feel it. [on the ticker machine, the price keeps dropping]

Now is the time to buy, people. Buy and hold. That's my motto. Go find the dog of the Dow that took a big beating today, whose long term prospects are still good and buy it. Chances are, people panicked today because of the craziness in China.

Updated : Smart Money coming in. Rebound time.

Because it has to be said.

Helen Mirren is a hot old broad.

Two Great products that work great together.

Remember those Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercials? "You got peanut butter on my chocolate!" "You got chocolate in my peanut butter!" I loved those commercials.

Well, now I am having a techie deja vu from those days. Instead of PB and chocolate, this time it's TiVo and iPod. "You got TiVo on my iPod".

What am I talking about? Jack Bauer is on my iPod and he's fucking up terrorists, baby! How did he get in there? Did I pay $1.99? Nope, I TiVo'd him.

See, TiVo, unlike your cable/dish DVRs, supports a feature called "TiVoToGo". This allows you to take your TiVo'd shows (which are in MPEG-2 format with a binary TiVo header and a .tivo extension) off your TiVo settop box and put them on your PC. You can see where this could be handy if you are a business traveler, for example. In addition, a 25 dollar upgrade to that software will enable features that transcode this to different formats that are playable on other portable devices such as a Sony PSP or, yes, iPod. That's pretty damn cool and that's how I got Jack Bauer on my iPod. Try that, cable bitches!

My buddy Toast says, "I don't like watching TV on my iPod". This is, of course, a valid complaint. Going from today's monster screens to 2.5" is tough. Maybe on a long flight? Dunno. The true value, IMHO, is in this little guy.

A video cable for the iPod - twenty bucks. Hook this little doodad to your iPod's headphone jack and the other three ends to a TV, and voila! Mobile TiVo. That, my friends, is truly badass.

Sorry, Tim, George thinks you're hot.

Nothing Left To Say But Goodbye.

Audioslave is no more.

Once again, the three talented dudes from Rage Against The Machine are without a singer. I believe Gary Cherone is available. This is somewhat of a bummer as I have truly grown to appreciate Audioslave and it's interesting mix of inventive guitar and sublime vocals.

Here is an example of them at their best - Show Me How To Live




And with the early dawn
Moving right along
I couldn't buy an eyeful of sleep
And in the aching night under satellites
I was not received
Built with stolen parts
A telephone in my heart
Someone get me a priest
To put my mind to bed
This ringing in my head
Is this a cure or is this a disease

(chorus)
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live

And in the after birth
On the quiet earth
Let the stains remind you
You thought you made a man
You better think again
Before my role defines you

(chorus)
Nail in my hand
From my creator
You gave me life
Now show me how to live

And in your waiting hands
I will land
And roll out of my skin
And in your final hours I will stand
Ready to begin


Good stuff, eh?

But, I'm not crushed. As I learned when Soundgarden broke up (one of my absolute favorites), in truth I am a Chris Cornell fan. That dude could sing the yellow pages and I'd plunk down 18 bucks on a CD. He is fantastic. And he has a solo album coming out on May 1st and I will buy that.

What of the rest of Audioslave? Meaning, the three dudes that used to be in Rage? I thought they never reached the musical peak with Cornell that they did with that grating dude named Zack. I always loved the music of Rage and just wished you could cut the singers mike. Rolling Stone has some ideas.

We nominate Sammy Hagar, Mark Lanegan, Ed Kowalczyk, James Iha or Peter Gabriel.

Clearly the first and last are jokes (I mean, I think they are). Lanegan is an interesting choice, because he's another singer that I freakin' love. I've always thought that Screaming Trees was a severely underrated band and Sweet Oblivion was an hidden classic. But his style hardly fits those dudes. James Iha sings? I didn't know that. Lastly, I think Ed is a really interesting choice. He's weird enough that what they came up with might be really interesting.

Goodbye Audioslave. Potential not fully realized, but some sweet albums nonetheless.

See, I told ya.

A while ago I posted about Faux News' attempt to combat the Daily Show with conservative comedy. Click above to feel the hilarity (h/t Crooks and Liars).

I was right, the conservative view point isn't funny.

F*ck Valentines Day!!!!

I hate it.

But if you don't, then take some time to enjoy the love stylings of Mr. William Shatner as he ponders how deep his love is.

New advertisement

Lieberman the centrist....

And when I say "center", I mean politically between McCain and Lindsey Graham. ArghGHGHGHGHHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!

Why did my fellow nutmegers vote for this lying bastid?

UPDATED:

OMF FSM... Toast just pointed me out this article in the New Yorker about Holy Joe. This portion jumped off the page at me(and right out of the monitor and did a little jig on my cerebral cortex - the emphasis is mine).

---
To Democrats, Lieberman’s most vexing quality is not his early support for the war—Clinton, Dodd, and Edwards, among other senators, voted for the Iraq-war resolution in 2002. It is that no development—not the absence of weapons of mass destruction, or the Administration’s innumerable and well-documented mistakes in post-invasion Iraq—has lessened his admiration for President Bush or his belief that the war has aided America in its fight against Islamic terrorism.

“I’ve had a lot of disappointments along the way here,” Lieberman said. “So why do I trust President Bush in spite of the mistakes that were made, consequential mistakes? Because having watched him, having talked to him, I believe that he understands the life-and-death struggle we are in with the most deadly and unconventional enemy, Islamic extremism. And that he has shown himself, notwithstanding all these mistakes, willing to go forward with what he believes is right for the security of the country, regardless of what it has done to his popularity.”
---

There's that word again. "I Believe". "He Believes".

That's the biggest thing Dubya and Holy Joe have in common. They're believers. At some gut level, they subdue their rational thoughts and replace them with irrational religious beliefs. Their religious beliefs cause them to be irrational about Middle East policy. Joe because of his understandable allegiance to Israel. Dubya because he's a nutty born again who thinks Jesus will return in Jerusalem and all the good people will be sucked up to heaven (I knew about the books, but they even make video games about this stuff - crazy).

When you look at these two infuriating men in that light, their actions (which are otherwise an unequivocal assault on reason) make complete sense. It also makes their potential to lead this country to ruin even greater. 2008 can't come soon enough.

Amazon and TiVo - Working Together

Two of my favorite companies are working together to deliver downloadable movies to your TV.

This is pretty exciting. For one thing, this will skip the need for you to use a PC at all. In fact, a TiVo box is a PC (linux based). Most likely, you'll be able to use your TiVo remote to navigate to an Amazon based front end, select a show and buy it, just like Cable On Demand.

It explains a lot about why the "no brainer" merger of Apple and TiVo didn't happen. Apple clearly had it's strategy for getting content onto TV's with AppleTV. But there, you still need to surf the iTunes store, download it and then play it on your AppleTV. That's not nearly as easy as just using a remote, and it offers no DVR functionality. Who wants that thing?

The only other contender that I see for this space is Microsoft, who is rumored to be planning to use the XBox 360 as a platform to deliver TV content, probably by using the media extender functionality that allows your 360 to connect to your Windows Vista Media Center. Let's face it though, like all Windows stuff, it's gonna be big, slow and probably a bit messy. They'd love to have honest to goodness PCs attached to your TVs, but most people won't want that. And TiVo already has lots of boxes in homes everywhere.

My early money is on TiVoMazon.

Man, I wish this were true.

If it were, then for one brief moment, I could be content in the knowledge that this lying bastard isn't my senator. Unfortunately, this typo won't change the terrible truth for us nutmeg-state-ers. Our junior senator is a douchebag.

The Best Guacamole Recipe in the World

Seriously, I'm not even kidding.

Ingredients

* 4 ripe avocados, peeled, seeded
* 1 tsp ground cumin
* 1 ripe, medium Roma tomato, seeded, diced
* ½ Cup minced sweet white onion
* 2 serrano chilies, seeded, minced
* ¼ Cup chopped cilantro leaves
* 4 Tbsp fresh lime juice
* Hot pepper sauce, sea salt, white pepper to taste

Instructions

1. Cut avocado in large chunks and mash coarsely in large bowl with a fork. Add remaining ingredients and blend gently - leaving some small chunks is fine. Taste and adjust seasoning with more pepper sauce, salt and pepper if desired.

Sports Guy Gets the Manning Face

Sports guy sez:

Well, I believe in the Bears from Chicago. I see this being one of those Super Bowls that's crappy and disjointed for most of the first half, followed by a point explosion right near halftime and one of those second halves when the teams just trade scores (like the Pats-Panthers Super Bowl). And in those games, either team can win, right? So here are my predictions.

A. Chicago 33, Indianapolis 30.

B. Thomas Jones for MVP.

C. The greatest Manning Face of all-time.

Here it is Bill... Enjoy!

The case against Religious Moderation

This is the reason that Google Video and YouTube are great. This is a 20 minute or so lecture outlining a case not just against Religious Fundamentalism, but Religious Moderation, too. There are about 10-15 ways I considered summing it up, but you're better off just watching it.


Via: VideoSift


This, in combination with the minor hype surrounding the God Delusion, has me thinking quite a bit. I've always fallen into the "live and let live" camp. What does it matter to me if some hick wants to dance around speaking in tongues at Jesus Camp? I don't care. But that changes when certain things happen. Primarily the following two items:

1) Engineers fly planes into buildings - one of the things that always confused me thoroughly about 9/11 was that some of the terrorists were engineers and architects. College educated. See, I went to a pretty good engineering school and regardless of the particulars of your field of focus, the essential lessons are the same. When presented with a challenge, break down things into things you can quantify and things you can't and then use various proven techniques to break down those unquantifiable things into approximations of their quantity. The result of all that should be good enough to work.

You could think of it as an engineer basically saying, "I may not be able to get all of the math 100 percent accurate because there are just too many unquantifiable variables. But with good assumptions and hard work, I get close enough to 100 percent to get that rocket to the moon."

That's basically the engineering method, the somewhat intellectually lazier and more anal sibling of the scientific method. What it ingrains upon a young mind is general disdain for the unquantifiable (at least it did mine). Those are barriers to success to be worked around, not pillars to be leaned on. Religion is unquantifiable. It's not measurable. I never understood how an engineer could give himself over to something like that. Certainly not without serious doubt. Religion and Engineering are in direct conflict.

Clearly, there's something different about this religion thing. And as Mr. Harris states above, it's the lack of rationality. See, engineering solutions are only as good as their assumptions. And when "God Is Great" is your base assumption, every conclusion you draw is suspect. Furthermore, when that which is at a person's core is irrational, irrational behavior is what you should expect. Once you believe that God wants you to fight America, flying a plane into a building makes a lot of sense. And engineers are uniquely suited to make it happen.

2) When a very religious and intellectually incurious person is elected president. You know who I'm talking about. When Dubya got elected, he ran as a compassionate conservative and not being Bill Clinton. Uh, ok, whatever. When the election was stolen, I shrugged and thought, well, "if he's anything like his Dad, it'll be more annoying than awful. " Boy, was I wrong.

How was I so wrong and how is he so different than his Dad? Religion. Sure, Dad was a christian, but clearly not at the fundamental level of junior. Like most northeastern WASP-y types, it was most likely for appearance sakes than out of piety. If anything, his worst characteristic was that he had little or no moral compass. He had many jobs in government at all levels and could see all sides to every issue and you could just tell that he didn't feel strongly about any of it, but did what he calculated to be right. And those calculations were almost always based on money or politics, and that allowed much latitude for actions of questionable moral basis (Uh, Iran-Contra anyone?)

Dubya is a different beast. Every single thing he does, from tax cuts to waging war, is faith based. He believes that what he's doing is right, no matter what it is he's doing or how it may be going. That's why he's so goddamned stubborn. Once you accept that Jesus is the son of God, rose from the dead and that sometime later you were "called" to be the President, ignoring the facts on WMDs or the "progress" in Iraq is a breeze. When you've already done the hard part of subduing your rational side, the irrational comes easy.

So, how does Religious Moderation come into play? Mr. Harris demonstrates that above more aptly than I probably can. But essentially, it lends credence to irrational beliefs and ignores the ugly side of each religion that fundamentalists believe to literally be true. It creates a P.C. environment where we can't criticize religious beliefs because for some reason they have some inherent legitimacy and are mostly harmless. But believing in God on Sundays isn't harmless when it's one step from shooting doctors at abortion clinics or blowing yourself up in a market square.

It just isn't. So, I guess my days as a "live and let live" guy might be over. Oh yeah, and did I mention that I have two kids and my wife says she may want to send them to Sunday School?

UPDATED: Toast was all over this years ago. And yes, I was one of the people that made Toast nuts by saying he was showing the same level of intolerance as fundamentalists. My bad, dude.

The genius of my four year old daughter, pt 2

So, the other day I'm getting ready for work, sitting down and putting on my shoes. My son is watching Monster House for roughly the 700th time. I look over at Emma and see that she's got the TiVo remote and is holding it backward (IR transmitter toward her tummy) and pushing the buttons. I figure she needs a reminder how to use the thing so I ask her what she's doing...

"I'm trying to control myself."

Damn, that made me laugh.

Then it made me think. Wouldn't that be cool? Not in some trite Adam Sandler way, but to have a remote that would really control your *self*.

If you had one button that would stop your "self" from doing something, what would it be? If you had one button that would make your "self" do somthing what would it be?

Here's what mine would do:
1) First button would say "Uh, don't eat that." and I would use it when passing the vending machine or Dunkin Donuts.
2) The second button would say, "Break Your Routine". See, I'm a wicked creature of habit, prone to nice comfy cushy ruts. I would, quite counter-intuitively of course, make it apart of my routine to push it at least once a week.

I also wish I had one for my kids with two buttons:
1) First button says "Stop the Noise". Stop the noise. Please, God. Good Ol' Mute.
2) Second button says "Share". It would also lessen the need to push the first button

Anyway, what buttons would your remote have? What buttons would you use on someone else?

This is funny - BSG Gag Reel

More on the iPhone

This is a must see demo of probably the coolest gadget I've ever seen.

iPhone - Coolest! Thing! Ever!

Oh. My. God. I want one.

Apple is amazing.

Jack's Back! Set your TiVo's

My main man Jack Bauer is back starting a week from Today. I couldn't possibly be more pumped. I'll probably be watching this clip over and over until then.

Enjoy the Shat

Joe Lieberman - Connecticut's biggest dick

Ok, I'll restate this. This is not a political blog. I've been intending to do a few posts about the stuff that I've been involved in, mostly my Disney World vacation and my descent into outsourcing hell. But this pissed me off to no fucking end. Go read it. I'll wait. But, be prepared to rinse your lunch off your keyboard. It's unbelievably awful. I'm nauseous.

I hate this man. Allow me to elaborate.

Joe says:
On this point, let there be no doubt: If Iraq descends into full-scale civil war, it will be a tremendous battlefield victory for al-Qaeda and Iran. Iraq is the central front in the global and regional war against Islamic extremism.

First Joe, let me say, fuck you. Second, let me note that Joe goes on to use Al Qaeda 7 times in the op-ed. 7 times. Joe, it wasn't Al-Qaeda. It is now, but it wasn't. Your fucking failed war attracted them to Iraq like flies to neo-con shit. It's that simple. To say we need to fight them there or we'll lose ignores the obvious truth that the whole escapade was a farce perpetrated on us by you, the Prez and his buddies. Using Al-Qaeda in an op-ed about the war in Iraq is not an innovative trick, in fact, it's one that's so common and has been debunked so many times, it's almost quaint. And that's what I find so appalling. You didn't even come up with anything new. You have to either be so fucking stupid that you think it will work, or you think you're above leveling with people. There's no reason to tell the truth, because there are no consequences. After all, you're still in office. Joe, we know you're not stupid.

The people listened to you when you said we needed to fight Iraq. They supported it far longer than they should have. Unfortunately, the people of Connecticut also listened to you when you said, just two months ago, that you thought we could start withdrawing troops soon. They voted for you (not me, I voted Lamont). Now, just two months after callously and cynically dangling our soldiers in front of us to get re-elected, you say we need to redouble our efforts in Iraq.

NO.

Fuck you.

Let me say that again, Fuck YOU.

Joe, you are a despicable liar. You lied to Connecticut. You lied to the U.S. I'm sure there will still be your defenders rallying behind you - those apologists who say you are sticking to what you believe. I think that too. Of course, we have a difference of opinion over exactly what you believe.

I think what you really believe is that you're the Prince of Connecticut. Ordained by birthright to be our Senator and unbound by the truth. We're here to serve Joe and his ego-fiefdom, not the other way around. Sell out the troops by dangling an early exit at election time? Sure, that calculus works fine in Joe's world. Not mine. Fuck you Joe.

Four more truths and a lie

Tracy complained (rightly) that I gave it away too easily the first time. Frankly, I didn't think anyone else was looking.... :)

So, here are some more, if you're inclined to guess.

1) I was arrested twice during college
2) I was an all-shoreline chorus member, representing my high school.
3) I applied to NYU Film school.
4) I was one of four white kids in my elementary school
5) I like George Michael.

Good luck guessers.

One more blog meme... Four Truths and a Lie

I've been tagged

1) I skipped the third grade.
2) I played varsity football in high school.
3) I am related to a current NFL Head Coach and also had ancestors on the Mayflower.
4) I have never broken a bone in my body.
5) I got my first gray hair at 19.

Blog meme - Fifty questions.

50 Questions: (found from Toast's blog)

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

Damn, I need a haircut and there are hairs in my ears

2. How much cash do you have on you?

15.00

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

Bore

4. Favorite planet?

Earth rules and I'm ready to kick any martian's ass who says otherwise.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

I don't recognize the number... weird.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

"Clocks" by Coldplay. My kids say my phone is "singing the song from The Wild movie"

7. What shirt are you wearing?

Hawaiian Shirt (friday is dress-down day)

8. Do you label yourself?

Not usually.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?

Nike sneakers.

10. Bright or Dark Room?

Bright. except at work. I keep my cube dark. Easier on the eyes.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

Toast is the man, now dog.

12. What does your watch look like?

Timex, metal, faux diver watch. Cheap.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Sleeping on my son's floor.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

That Toast had never done jury duty before.

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

Old Saybrook

16. What's a word that you say a lot?

No (I have two kids and two dogs)

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

Emma.

18. Last furry thing you touched?

Either Roxy, my yellow lab or Remy, my old fart mixed hound dog.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

Nose spray, sudafed, ibuprofen, alcohol, lisinopril, claritin.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?

I have two disposable cameras in a drawer.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

27. The first year my wife and I were together. All sunshine and roses, no diapers and mortgages...

22. Your worst enemy?

Donuts

23. What is your current desktop picture?

Windows Server 2003.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

"I believe the issue is related to the fact that the creation of the AtalaImage object may be creating a new appdomain, and we're experiencing a crash trying to move the FContext object into that domain. We may need to do some custom serialization."

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

Flying.

26. Do you like someone?

Yes. Duh.

27. The last song you listened to?

"Is it Any Wonder" Keane

28. What time of day were you born?

6 AM or so. Always been a morning person.

29. What’s your favorite number?

9

30. Where did you live in 1987?

Troy, New York.

31. Are you jealous of anyone?

Slightly jealous of the freedom that my non-kids-having friends have.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?

Only of my incredible foosball talent and NTN trivia ability.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

At work.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

Curse

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

Not naturally, but in practice, yes.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

On my ass, proclaiming, "place lips here"

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

Chinese.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

Yes.

39. Are you touchy feely?

No.

40. What’s your life motto?

Set the tone, don't follow it.

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

A pen, watch, wallet.

42. What’s your favourite town/city?

Boston.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

Two juiceboxes and apple dippers from McDs.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

I helped my daughter write a letter to Santa and we mailed it to the north pole.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

If, by that, you mean take it to Jiffy Lube? Sure.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

She kissed our kids and drove to work.

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

I have some ancestors who came over on the mayflower on my Mom's side. She even tracked down their grave sites...

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

Went to a wedding of two anesthesiologists my wife works with. They rented a private home on the water in Madison that was on the market for 9 million bucks.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?

I have a sinus headache and my lower back hurts because I spent part of the night on my son's floor. Apparently, he was under attack by monsters.

50. Have you been burned by love?

Absolutely.

It's amazing what is considered news these days. vol 2

Democratic Scandal! I knew Democrats were as bad as Republicans... A Wal-Mart Critic's staffer trying to get a PS3?

Bastard John Edwards (not the creepy psychic, the other one)!

Here's my favorite line (from Wal-mart's press release):

"While the rest of America's working families are waiting patiently in line, Senator Edwards wants to cut to the front," the Wal-Mart statement said.

Yes, that was their press release. They're making this news. They're fighting back against all that Anti-Wal-Mart vibe. Poor guys. Good thing the AP isn't falling for this helping them out. Oops.

Funny News?

Here's what's great about the idea that Faux News is looking to come up with anti-daily show to the Daily Show. Let them try it. It'll never work. Why? They're not funny.

This is not to say that conservatives aren't funny. I know a few that are. But, there's nothing that can come out of an organization like Fox News that's funny. It just can't happen. You know what will be funny? Watching them *try* to be funny. And the Monica Jokes. That will be sweet.

Plus, the key mistake is to think that the Daily Show is about democratic politics. It's foolish to think that you even need a response to the daily show. They're not partisan. They're iconoclasts. And the icons for the last few years have all been Republicans. They don't make fun of policy. They make fun of hypocrites and idiots. It's not the Dems' fault that most of them have had a little "R" after their name.

It's amazing what is considered news these days

Wal-Mart picks a side in the War on XMas. With the Walton bucks on their side, how can Bill O'Reilly not prevail? Time for us secular forces to circle the wagons. What time's the next meeting? I've lost my schedule.