No alarms and no surprises, please.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Wanted Dead Or Alive: Poultry Perpetrator

On Sunday, one victim, Jonny aged 3, accused the suspect shown at left of assault. The victim's sister described the suspect as looking "kinda like the goose in Charlotte's Web".

The victim was attempting to feed a group of ducks and a gaggle of geese at Lyman's Orchard and reached his hand through the protective barrier to present said food to the animals in question. It was at this moment that the suspect allegedly leapt forward and aggressively attacked the victim, biting him on the hand and causing him to drop said food and more or less scaring the living shit out of him.

The victim is seen at left receiving medical attention and reporting the incident to authorities. The suspect can be seen in the background callously eating the dropped food and indifferent to the plight of the victim. The victim's father suggested killing and eating the suspect, but was warned by the victim's sister against such vigilante action as it's thought to be "not nice" and that the suspect was presumed innocent and had not yet been Mirandized.

The suspect remains at large in a pen at Lyman's orchard and should be considered winged and dangerous.