Movie Resume Meme

Saw this on facebook first, but then most recently on my brother's blog for smart people.

He saw 71. My number should be considerably higher than that.

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(x) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG [all versions, including King Kong Vs. Godzilla]
Total so far: 13

( ) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving -MAS
(x) Flubber (orignal only)
Total so far: 17

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 22

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles [One of the best in the John Hughes, suburban teenage white kid flicks]
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 28

(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Sleven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremacy
(x) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled (original only) [the remake has the sublime Liz Hurley]
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
(x) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 41

(x) Independence Day
(x) Cujo
(x) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
( ) ET [my boycott may not last now that I'm a dad.]
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 48

( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China [watched this about a hundred times in H.S. great!]
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 57

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday (original only)
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 70

( ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax [Did anyone see this garbage?]
(x) Kippendorf's Tribe [not proud of this]
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 74

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 80

(x) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
(x) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History ( I'm assuming this is American History X but the x got deleted?)
( ) Three
Total so Far: 84

( ) The Jacket
(X) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
(x) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 90

( ) High Tension
(x) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
(x) Dawn of the Dead
(x) Hook
( ) Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
(x) Orgazmo
(x) Phantasm (Underrated)
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 98

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
(x) the Hills Have Eyes
(x) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
(x) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 105

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 111

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
(x) Evil Dead
(x) Evil Dead 2 [easily one of my favorite movies of all time]
(x) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total so far: 121

( ) Battle Royale
( ) Battle Royale 2
(x) Brazil
(x) Contact
(x) Cube
(x) Dr. Strangelove
( ) Enlightenment Guaranteed
( ) Four Rooms
(x) Memento
( ) Pi
( ) Requiem for a Dream
(x) Pulp Fiction
(x) Reservoir Dogs
( ) Run Lola Run
( ) Russian Ark
(x) Serenity
(x) Sin City
(x) Snatch
( ) Spider
(x) The Sixth Sense
(x) The Village
( ) Waking Life
( ) Zatoichi
( ) Ikiru
(x) The Seven Samurai
(x) Brick
(x) Akira
Total so far: 136

Holy crap, am I a loser. I nearly doubled my bro. I guess that explains why he has a PhD and I have an ass-shaped imprint on my couch.

Anyone top that? I tag everyone... that means you.

Sledding!

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1983 = Awesomeness

Fridge shares videos

Ok, these need to be watched in order.

First watch this one and get your full geek on.



then, as the extreme geekout nearly makes you slide into a coma, watch this and you'll return to normal.

Name Game Meme

Tagged by Tracy in the "all Toasters" category...

1. Witness Protection Program Name (mother’s & father’s middle names): Jane Henry

2. NASCAR Name (first name of your mother’s dad, father’s dad): Simeon Henry

3. Star Wars Name (the first 2 letters of your last name, first 4 letters of your first name): Blerik

4. Detective Name (favorite color, favorite animal): Blue Lab

5. Soap Opera Name (middle name, city where you live): John Clinton

6. Superhero Name (2nd favorite color, favorite alcoholic drink, optionally add "THE" to the beginning): The Green Guiness

7. Fly Name (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name): Erir

8. Gangsta Name (favorite ice cream flavor, favorite cookie): Chocolate Thin Mint

9. Rock Star Name (current pet’s name, current street name): Roxy Pepperbush

10. Porn Name (1st pet, street you grew up on): Porthos Kendon

My thoughts:
- shouldn't the rules reverse #1 for cases of gender? Henry Jane would be a far better witness protection name than Jane Henry. Unless we're going to extraordinary lengths to hide my identity.
- Blerik is a good star wars name. I'd like to be "Blerik Skywalker" the shiftless drunken half-brother to Luke and Leia. Kinda like Roger Clinton.
- 'Blue Lab' isn't a great detective name, but would be a fantastic name for a pub.
- I think "The Green Guinness" would be an overly muscled heroic leprechaun?
- I could pull off "Chocolate Thin Mint" as a gangsta name. I would just need RZA to produce.

Nope, not ready to be magnanimous yet

Open Post to Barack Obama

----

Look, Mr. President-Elect, I get it. You're the big person, gracious as all get out and you think Lieberman should be allowed to return to the Democratic caucus, "prodigal son" style. So, you know, let's kill a fatted calf and have a barbecue chock full of bon homie, keg beer and backslapping.

Nope. Not yet. Not for Lieberman. Sorry, I can't.

It's a bit personal, you see. It was to me, as a Connecticut voter, that Joe lied during his 2006 Senate run. At the time, one of his faces said he was a vocal critic of the president. His other face said "in matters of war, we undermine presidential credibility at our nation's peril." One of his faces said, in October 2006 (before the election), he thought we could bring the troops home soon. The other face then said two months later (after the election) that doing so was victory for Al Qaeda. During his re-election campaign he said he'd support a Democrat for president. And I'm sure you remember what he said at the Republican Convention, about you voting against funding the troops.

Did you really vote to cut off spending to the troops? Or are you just Jesus-like in your ability to turn the other cheek? I'm not. If it were up to me, I'd put his droopy-faced head on a pike next to the Washington Monument. It's not me, however, and you seem to have a distaste for revenge. But more than just me looking for revenge, there's a pragmatic side to punishing Joe. Simply put, there has to be a cost for his actions. You've got a big job ahead as the offcial cat-herder of self-obsessed Washington operators. If you expect to have the respect of 535 supremely egotistical and independently motivated congress members, there has to be a cost to stepping THIS FUCKING far out of line.

So, I get it. You're a legit "big tent" guy. But Joe Lieberman lied to his constituents, lied about your record and turned his back on his party at the most critical moments of my lifetime. There has to be a cost.

We un-retire this blog to bring you thoughts of a five year old

Yesterday, I bought my son a Spiderman lunch box because I dropped his Speed Racer lunch box and the little plastic doo-hickey that keeps it closed snapped off. That led to this conversation on the way to pre-school today.

Jonny: Dad, why did you break my Speed Racer lunch box?
Dad: Well, it was an accident, remember? It fell off the counter and broke.
Jonny: Oh yeah. I remember. That's OK Dad, because it was an accident and I like this one better anyway.
Dad: Great! What do you like about it?
Jonny: It's like my friend Nicholas' spider man lunch box, but different. It's blue. It has my name on it. Hey, I can see Spider-Man's penis.
Dad: Wait, What!?!?!?! You can?!?!?!
Jonny: Yeah, it's right next to his leg.
Dad (thinking silently): That's where you usually find them. Apparently Daddy didn't vet this lunch box sufficiently.
Jonny (singing): "Spider Penis! Spider Penis! Does whatever a Spider Penis does....."

In truth, it was simply the copious bulge in Spider-man's spider-crotch, which Daddy explained was most likely stuffed with spider-socks to help him attract spider-chicks.

Warshington!

Toasters Football Draft Order

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Let's just say that we had an eventful lottery. We did a dry run only to find out that we had no audio. Of course I won that lottery. Did I win the next one? Not so much. But it sure was fun. Here's the final order:

1) Tracy
2) Chemist
3) Kate
4) Angelos
5) John
6) Mr. Furious
7) Michelline
8) Toast
9) Mike
10) VMH
11) Wilde
12) Chris Howard
13) Night Shift
14) Fridge

Free Pass to Shag Meme

I've been tagged by Tracy with a salacious little meme. And just like that the blogging slumber is over. I've been pretty busy, both at work and at home. But I'm never too busy to objectify the ladies.

Here's the rules:

Which brings me to my Question - what five famous people would you want listed in the contract that your significant other had to forgive you if, you know, you just happened to meet them and you just happened to hit it off and they just happened to express interest in some hot, shallow monkey sex?

To be candid, I find myself without a significant other for the first time in 11 years or so. So I don't need a list. But this process is fun as hell. It is interesting to me that as I get older my taste in women ages with me. Unlike, say, Toast

In reverse, countdown-style order.

5) Linda Carter

Today is Linda's birthday - She's 57. Jesu-cristo look at that fucking picture. She was an unbelievably beautiful woman as I went through adolesence and she's forever etched into my brain. I watched Wonder Woman every week and I was in love with her. She's on this list at 57 and will be on it at 80. If it were 1981, she'd be #1 thru 5 on this list.

4) Rachel Weisz

Jeez. Smart. Beautiful. Hot British accent. I adored her in the Constant Gardner, Confidence, About a Boy. And as you can see, I would totally defy the Will of God and eat that apple to get with her.

3) Jennifer Connolly

She was beautiful at 16 in Labyrinth and she's still beautiful now. I almost had trouble watching "Little Children" (great movie, BTW) because she plays a wife who is cheated upon by her bored house husband. How the hell can anyone cheat on her?

2) Scarlett Johansson


One of these is not like the others. This is the only under-35 entry on my list. As I mentioned earlier, the age of the women that I find sexy has grown older with me. Also, I prefer brunettes. This is the exception. Beautiful and curvy. Beautiful face with intelligence in the eyes. Sexy voice. The entire package helps me get over the fact that she was 2 when I got my driver's license.

1) Jennifer Garner

In an alternate, more stalker-ish universe, Jennifer Garner and I are together. And she's a Yankee fan instead of having been Afflecked into Red Sox nation. And also I didn't knock her up just in time screw up the final season of Alias.

Seriously, though, she's gorgeous. She seems very cool and easy going. And something about the sweet Sydney Bristow side and the sexy bad-ass spy she played on Alias worked for me on just so many levels. There's just something about her that I really love. And I must truly be into her if I sat through Catch and Release on cable - twice.


Honorable mentions:
1) CT channel 8's Sonia Baghdaddy - she's the only reason I watch local news
2) Pam Anderson - one wild night in the gutter!
3) Cheryl Hines from Curb Your Enthusiasm
4) Kimberly Jones - Former NY Giant beat reporter now YES sideline reporter.
So, there ya go.
5) Marisa Tomei - never used to like her at her popularity peak, but she's positively MILFy now.
6) Catherine Zeta Jones

Movie Review - W A L L - E

I took the fridge-spawn to see Wall-E last night and left amazed. And by amazed, I don't mean in love with the movie. Simply amazed. This is not the typical Pixar fare. This is the most subversive kids movie since the first Willie Wonka. Can a movie be a kids movie, a robot love story, an ecological parable and a scathing critique of American society? Apparently yes.

I'm not gonna recount the plot of the story because it's just not as interesting as the ways in which this movie is a truly unusual experience (if you want that, this review gives it to ya). So, here are those "unusual ways" - bullet point style.

the first half of the film has almost no dialog. Wall-E only knows one word and that's his name. He learns another from his love-interest EvE - her name. She apparently only knows a couple others "Plant" and "Directive". The first half of the movie is nearly a silent film. Given the proclivity of most science fiction directors to pound our ears in with tedious exposition, this is an amazingly interesting and refreshing choice. The funniest description I've read of this is "Cormac McCarthy for kids!"

sidebar: The flip-side of this becomes clear when you take a 4 year old and a 6 year old to watch a movie. In the absence of this dialog, these children will have many, many very loud questions. You may discuss whispering and why it's important at a theater when you can talk loudly at home.

Imagine the Pixar movie story meetings. "So wait, we're gonna make a movie for kids? You know, which typically are advertised with Happy Meals and often simply vehicles to sell toys. But, we're gonna use it to destroy the "LayZBoy-Box Store" American lifestyle? Really?"

Truly a startling choice. This movie is practically Idiocracy for the toddler set. Incredible, really.

It all works. The target audience ("my kids") loved it. They were shocked and dismayed when all the people left the earth because of the garbage and pollution and they were elated and were elated when the people came back to earth to live. And they laughed and cheered for Wall-E all along the way. Truly remarkable. They don't know they just watched a movie that eviscerates the society they enjoy. At least today they don't. But that message will sink in and as they watch these movies over and over again as they grow up that message will surely sink in.

I was intrigued when in 2006, Pixar decided they would no longer cross-promote with fast food companies. That's a small step for them to do if they want to make a difference. This movie is a big step. Pixar is using it's super powers to try and do good. Surely this will piss some people off. I'm fascinated by it.

I'm not gonna give Wall-E a glib rating. I'm still too perplexed by how I feel about it. I definitely enjoyed parts of it greatly. I definitely was stung by some of the criticism when it hit home. Do I want Pixar movies that have such strong messages? Or do I just want entertainment from them? I dunno. Like all Pixar movies, it's very well done with amazing animation, but I can't decide how much I like it. I think I like that about the film the most.

Romo Vs Eli

I've had several lengthy (and likely tedious for others) arguments about this very topic with John Howard. Sports arguments are always fun for me and over the years I've had lots of fun teasing Cowboy fans about Troy Aikman's overrated status among all-time QB's. There's nothing as enjoyable as arguing largely qualitative analysis with ultimate certainty. But, this is apparently not just a phenomenon between me and John over at TwoGlasses. NFL.com analyst and Sirius radio host Pat Kirwan acknowledged that Romo Vs Peyton's brother is actually a very popular debate. He puts forth a short and sweet breakdown, ending disappointingly in a tie (better for radio fodder, I'd guess). But, I think Kirwan's real vote is found in his last passage before pimping his radio show.

So after this breakdown it is a split decision, but if you like playoff football and division play Eli Manning is the winner. If you like regular season and personal achievements then Romo is the winner.

Yeah, I'd say that pretty much sums it up.

Still, it puts Cowboy fans in an difficult position. How does one say that Aikman was great because his team won many times in the playoffs and Super Bowl and then say that Romo is great because of his November dominance and in spite of his January disappointment? I mean, Aikman probably has the worst career statistics of any HOF QB. All Romo has in his favor is a year and a half of statistics and some lousy playoff performances. Can they both be 'great'?

I don't really have that problem. All my Giant QBs have been the win-ugly-just-get-it-done types. I'm much more comfortable with that than a smirking playboy who wants to be a pro golfer. Maybe that's just me, though.

Sports Potpourri

I never post anymore. Ok, maybe almost never. Here's some sports stuff that's been rattling around my head lately.

Even Kobe Bryant knows that Curt Schilling Sucks. Apparently, our favorite marshmallow shaped hurler caught a Celtics-Lakers game and heard Kobe chirping at his teammates and generally being pissed off while losing. He of course had to write about it on his blog. You can read the bloated post itself, but the gist is that Kobe as a leader is sullen, cranky and tuned out by his teammates. On the other hand, the Celts were totally cool by Curt's standards. Ironically, in the same post, he says that the Manny Vs. Youk dust up is a total non-issue. Let's keep score: In the same post, Schilling draws many conclusions from the non-verbal cues of the Lakers and blows off an acutal fight during a game from his teammates. Curt Schilling Doesn't Suck 0, Curt Schilling Sucks 1. Oh, you don't think Curt's teammates rolled their eyes at him some times? They called him "Redlight" because he loved to talk anytime a camera was recording.

Kobe's reponse when this is brought up by the Boston Media? "Go Yankees". And while I had sided with the Celts going in to the Finals, I am now rooting for the Lakers because I hate Curt Schilling that much and the Celtics are guilty by association. I will admit however I feel a little bit like I've just aligned myself with Saddam Hussein against the Ayatollah. It's not a good feeling. I'll just close my eyes and pretend that it's Magic, Worthy and Kareem against the dirty Bird era Celtics.

After reading this post regarding the question "Is Phil Hughes injury prone?" I officially have a twinge of regret at refusing to include him for Santana. Maybe we can get CC for him?

Welcome Papi. Vote Obama.

All kinds of awesome news at Giants mini-camp. Plax is gonna hold out for more money (he should). Shockey is generally pissing everyone off (surprise) and Osi wants more money but says he'll play. Oh yeah, and Mike Strahan retired. Is this why it's so damn hard to repeat? Hopefully, not having to pay Strahan will free up some cap space to give those guys some more $$$ and maybe resign Chris Snee. But, I'm officially dialing down hopes for the season now. I wonder if the lack of leadership from Strahan and inevitable complacency will trip up the men in blue this season. If it does, I'll always have my Giants 5 DVD complete playoff run and Super Bowl set to watch over and over.

What the hell is wrong with the Yankees? They sit squarely at .500, 7 games behind the Boston Douchenozzles. Well, why is that? It's simple really. They are pitching worse than expected and hitting far worse than expected. Last year, the Yankees were 7th in runs allowed in the AL and this year they are 9th. This, actually is not unexpected, as we planned on breaking in some young pitchers and that has not gone well. In fact, seeing that it's gone as badly as it did, it's impressive that the Yankees are 9th. But still, that's not that big a drop and is not the real reason that the team is floundering. The real reason is offense. The Yankees are 6th in the AL and tied for 13th in MLB in runs scored. Last year, they led all of baseball, basically all year. That's the real problem. Losing Posada and A-Rod hurt. And Cano and Melky have been terrible. Posada and A-Rod are back now. Cano, you can expect to improve, but maybe it's time to give Brett Gardner a chance in CF. I believe that the pitching will improve in the second half. But if the Yanks are gonna make a run, they need the offense to start cranking.

BTW, the Yankees record on June 12, 2007? 31-31, just like today. Ended up with 94 wins.

I'm considering this banner ad

Whaddya think?

BOOZE!

I've been too busy with real life to blog anything recently. And, I've even fallen way behind on memes. I was tagged by Toast with a booze meme. Here goes.

1. Beer, wine, liquor, mixed drinks. Rank 'em.

1. Beer
2. Liquor
3. Mixed drinks
4. Wine
That said, I'm a newb to wine.

2. How often do you drink?

Used to be a lot. Now, not so much. Once a week?

3. Favorite Scotch?

Again, I'm a newb to this, too. After asking Toast for a "scotch for dummies" Toast hooked me up with MacCallans Twelve Year single malt. I really like it.

4. Favorite Bourbon?

Maker's Mark is nice. I don't drink bourbon anymore much. I went through a bourbon phase in college and I found myself an angry drunk then. I guess I associate it with that.

5. Favorite tequila?

Patron XO cafe. It's coffee flavored patron. Fantastic in my coffee on Sunday Mornings. Other than that, I like Sauza Hornitos.

6. Favorite Gin?

Bombay

7. Favorite Vodka?

Grey Goose. Half lemonade + half GG + loads of ice = fantastic hot summer day drink.

8. Favorite Rum?

Myers Dark. Love Rum and Diets...

9. Drunkest you've ever been?

As a wayyy too enthusiastic 17 year old freshman, I finished room golf at good ol' PSK in an hour and a half. Was carried home, puked everywhere in my room and lost control of my bodily functions. Good times! No, not really.

10. Red or White?

I say Red.

11. Best wine you've ever tasted?

Don't really know. I'm not much of a wine tasting guy.

12. Favorite type of wine?

Pinot Noir

13. Favorite every-day red?

I have an answer to one! Hahn Estates Cabernet Sauvignon. Very Drinkable.

14. Favorite every-day white?

None.

15. Best value wine?

Hahn. What's the difference between everyday and value? Who wouldn't drink the value every day?

16. Do you drink box?

Nope. My beer comes in a box of bottles though.

17. Fastest you've ever gotten drunk?

Drank a bottle of Rebel Yell Bourbon before a fraternity party we were having. Loaded by 8PM. I was obnoxious to every woman in sight, slipped and did a split on a wet dance floor and I'm told I slid right back up to a standing position a la James Brown. Woke up the next morning having puked in my favorite Yankee hat and with a very sore groin.

18. Longest you've ever stayed drunk?

Five days. I went to Mardi Gras in 1997. We arrived on Friday and left on Ash Wednesday. I believe I spent more on alcohol than I did on my room and flight combined.

19. Ever do anything you really regret while drunk?

Of course. Drove home from a strip club once, don't remember it and woke up in my car covered in puke. That sucked.

20. Favorite lager?

Corona is the only lager I usually buy. I am fond of many pilsners, namely grolsch or Pislner Urquell.

21. Favorite IPA?

Dogfish Head 60-minute IPA. It's probably my favorite beer right now. But, Bass has been one of the main loves of my life for 20 years. When my folks lived in England, I dragged them to the Bass brewery for a tour. Love me some Bass.

22. Favorite brown ale?

I'm with Toast. Newcastle. I'm very fond of Dogfishhead's Brown. So, Chocolate-ey and delicious. But Newcastle is a true classic

23. Favorite doppelbock?

Don't have one.

24. Favorite Belgian?

Ommegang.

25. Favorite stout?

Guinness. When I owned a bar, I used to say that Guiness, Bass and Sam Adams were the holy trinity of beers. One lager, one ale, one stout.


26. Favorite Winter Ale?

Sam Adams Winter Lager. I'm very excited when this comes out every year.

27. Favorite Scotch Ale?

McEwan's. It's far better than any other.

28. Favorite Other? (Because I realize this is getting abusive to non-beer-nerds.)

Magic Hat #9. Simply a great every-day drinking beer.

29. Favorite Brewery?

Magic Hat. Every beer they make is very good quality and they show a range that most brewers don't have. And their bottle caps have clever little messages.

30. Favorite mixed drink?

Rum and Diet Coke.

31. Favorite morning libation?

Mexican Coffee.

32. Do you suffer memory loss when you drink heavily?

When I drink heavily? Well, yeah. I don't often drink heavily enough that I don't remember, however.

33. Favorite place to drink?

Eli Cannon's Tap Room.

34. Favorite sports bar?

Toast and Tracy took me Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the Giants kick the Jets asses. I was in heaven. And Tracy was awesome enough to drink a whole 20 oz of Coors Light, just so I could take home a football shaped glass. I also like Hooters.

35. Ever consider AA?

Nope. Should I?

This one's for you, Hillary.

side note: This song is also the ring tone of one particular person on my phone.

FridgePod

Just got a new iPod, with the last one's hard drive having crapped out after only 3 months. In celebration, here's a shuffled 13 out of the 7000 or so tracks on this little silver dude.

1) Gene - "Love Don't Work" Revelations
Damn, I need to listen to these guys more. Great BritPop band.

2) The Donnas - "Just take me to the backseat" Spend The Night
"Do you need a map?
Let's skip the nightcap
I'll make it sticky sweet
Just take me to the backseat!"

3) Soundgarden - "Mailman" Superunknown
"I know I'm headed for the bottom
But I'm riding you all the way"
Five extra points for the sweet, sweet bitterness in this tune.

4) RATT - "In Your Direction" Out Of The Cellar
Easily, one of my favorite 80's hair metal albums ever. I have listened to this album hundreds of times. Maybe a thousand.

5) Snoop Dogg - "Who Am I? (What's my name?)" Doggystyle
"Snoop Doggy, Do-owww-ohhhh-oggg (the bomb)
Snoop Doggy, Do-owww-ohhhh-oggg
Snoop Doggy, Do-owww-ohhhh-oggg (the bomb)
Snoop Doggy, Do-owww-ohhhh-oggg (Dog)
Da-duh-da-da-dah"
I bought his new album, but haven't cracked it yet.

6) Dixie Chicks - "Not Ready To Make Nice" Taking The Long Way
I saw the documentary "Shut Up And Sing" that covers the making of this album after the Natalie Maines said she was ashamed that Dubya was from Texas. Enjoyable little movie. Notable things I learned:
- Natalie Maines (lead singer) is married to Nathan Petrelli.
- Chad from RHCP plays drums on the record.
- Rock/Hip Hop icon Rick Rubin was consulted for the record and has a dog that looks just like him.

7) Travis - "paperclips" 12 Memories
"I don't wanna be like you anymore
I don't wanna see your face at my door
And I'll never leave like you, that's for sure"
Wow. This is wrist-slitting music. Hope the next tune picks up.

8) KISS - "Christine Sixteen" The Very Best of KISS
"She's' been around, but she's young and clean
I've got to have her, can't live without her, whoo no
Christine sixteen, Christine sixteen"
Uh.... well, it's peppy. Creepy, for sure, but Peppy.

9) Snoop Dogg - "Gz and Hustlas" Doggy Style
YAY IPOD RANDOMIZATION! 7000 songs, can't make 9 before an album overlap. At least it's an all-time great album that's being repeated.

10) Tyler Bates - "Xerxes' final offer" 300 Soundtrack
THIS! IS! BRANFORD!

11) Notorious B.I.G. - "Living The Life" Duets: The Final Chapter
"Bitch, you crazy? Commitments, I'm Swayze
No time for the ill shit
Mess with the niggaz on that real blood spill shit
My rappin' tactics, are drastic
Stretchin' motherfuckers like Mr. Fantastic
So if you wanna see my Pedigree, you better be
filled with energy, niggaz never gettin' me"
One of my nicest benefits of separating from my ex? I am no longer held captive by her musical tastes and intolerance for mine (especially hiphop). Adios Garth-fucking-Brooks. Hello, B.I.G. BTW, third appearance by Snoop on this shuffle. He and Ludacris are on the track, too.

12) Modest Mouse - "Missed The Boat" We were dead before the ship even sank
"Everyone's unhappy
Everyone's ashamed
Well we all just got caught looking
At somebody else's page
Well nothing ever went
Quite exactly as we planned
Our ideas held no water
But we used them like a dam"
The official anthem of the Bush Administration. Very good album. One of my favorite guitarists, Johnny Marr, is on board.

13) The Donnas - "5 o'clock in the morning" Spend The Night
You know, when I picked this CD up in the bargain bin, I never imagined my ipod would be so fond of it.

I give this shuffle a b-. Too much The Donnas, for sure. Don't mind the Snoop repetition as much because he's fantastic.

Connecticut Beauty

I parked the car, grabbed my ipod and coffee and got out. I looked up at a crystal clear, breezy azure sky. I walked toward my office and as I drew near, I noticed something. A plastic white shopping bag was spinning in an eddy near a corner of the building. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.

That's when I picked up the fucking bag and threw it in the garbage. I mean, seriously, who needs that shit? I had to go to work. Stupid fucking bag made me late.

Happy Mother's Day

via videosift.com

Best Headline Ever?

"Great tits cope well with warming"

Let it be said that I have extremely warm hands and I'm quite available for said warming.

Meme

Dammit, I read Angelos, so I'm tagged.

1) Ten years ago I was...
Happily shacked up with my fiance who I am now in the process of divorcing. Wow, that's weird. Working with Toast and making almost nothing. Had a lot of fun at work, though. What a difference ten years makes.

2) Five things on today's to-do list:
a. Work on full text engine design
b. Buy Mom's cards for assorted Moms during lunch excursion
c. Hit the ATM
d. Leave a little early to facilitate...
e. ... taking the kids to the Circus!


3) Things I'd do if I were a billionaire:
Buy the NY Knicks as a fixer-upper with a prime location.
Unseat Joe Lieberman as Senator for the great state of Connecticut.
Have a band party with Iron Maiden in my backyard - complete with pyrotechnics.
End the barbaric practice of cat juggling.


4) Three bad habits:
Slacking on house cleaning.
Squeezing out a fart in the office.
Letting mail pile up in an amorphous blob on my counter.

5) Five places I've lived:
Pittsburgh, PA
Clinton, CT
Troy, NY
Mechanicsburg, PA
Branford, CT

Those are basically in order, although there's an extra Troy in between Mechanicsburg and Branford and more stuff after Branford.


6) Six jobs I've had in my life:
Cook at a seafood restaurant.
Bagger at Grocery Store (1 day, then I quit).
Assembler of Black and Decker WorkMates and True Temper wheelbarrows.
Co-Owner of a Pub.
Production Programmer, BOP Line of Business.
Senior Software Engineer.

Also in order.


I give this meme a C. I tag only my brother in the comments.

I dream of Joe?

So, these two little outbreak monkeys I live with (they call me Dad) brought home a nice little ebola virus for me to wrestle with. A stomach bug. I spent Tuesday night expelling fluid from my body at an impressive rate and not sleeping at all. Then, after I managed to get my kids off to school Wednesday morning, I crawled back to bed. But, I was curious what was being said about the Obama-Clinton primary results. So, I put on MSNBC and drifted in and out of sleep to talking heads and dueling victory speech repeats whilst spooning a Labrador. This combination of dehydration, exhaustion and furry cuddliness led me to a fascinating and weird dream.

I dreamt of Joe Lieberman.

In my dream, I won the CT lottery. The first thing I did was set up a trust for my kids (ever practical, even in dreams). The second thing I did was begin a "recall Joe" movement to recall Leiberdouche as my senator (pretty sure this is only possible in my dreams). I used my new found power and wealth to batter Joe and dominate the political discussion. The recall was successful and by popular demand, I was begged by my supporters to challenge Joe for his seat. I humbly accepted and began my campaign. I was universally beloved by republicans and democrats alike because of my sheer awesomeness. And when it came to the debate, I sliced and diced Joe like Inigo Montoya sliced and diced the six fingered man. I even made Joe Leiberman weep on television. (I'm pretty sure that last bit is a dreamy reflection on an AP history class in high school where, in recreating a debate from the 1796 presidential election, I made a girl cry - I was John Adams and I totally kicked ass.) I went to the Senate.

It was a cool dream. Unfortunately, I woke up, I was still not rich and Joe Lieberman was still my senator. Even worse, I felt like I had been hit like a truck, I was covered in yellow hairs and my dog was snoring.

Top Ten Most Disappointing Democrats Since 2006

Well... Here we are. If it's Tuesday, there must be a primary going on somewhere. There's been so many of these goddamned things that I feel like a drunken roadie waking up on a tour bus wondering if this is Long Beach, CA or Sarasota, FL. We democrats have two candidates for the presidential nod remaining, right? It's been a while since I've seen anything about it on the news. If I recall correctly, one of them is a calculating, increasingly crazy person who will stop at nothing to win. And if memory serves, the other is a highly personable, intellectual and charismatic guy who appears to feel that he's above the down and dirty politics it will likely take to put his pugnacious opponent away. Despite their faults, both of them have policies far superior to John McCain's, who is quite loony. I'm told we face the most important election of our lifetime... well, at least since the last one. And both of our candidates are polling better than the McCain. And head to head, McCain's cranky geezer "don't bother me with facts, just trust me" demeanor is sure to hurt him next to their younger more passionate styles. We SHOULD be ok. Right? I should be fired up. Right?

I am fatigued. Check that. I'm fucking tired of this. I don't even want to flip on Olbermann tonight to watch him and Tweety project winners. I actually feel bad for the Daily Show writers who are probably watching Chris Walken in the Deer Hunter and comparing that to the prospect writing more jokes about primary season and thinking, "Hmm, that doesn't seem so bad".

It shouldn't be like this. This should be a year of crowning achievement of Liberalism over eight years of Bush. It's not. It's frankly, given where we were in 2006 this is a miserable failure. This is not to say that we're doomed or that a theoretical nominee won't win in November. But this is a mess and there should be a reckoning.

Being a Democrat today is a lot like being a Knick fan today. Each given a deck that should be stacked in their favor, but you simply can't believe how people can continually fuck it up. In 2006, we were riding high. Talk of winning the Presidency, both houses and a new contract with America were the rage. We had a new speaker of the house and surpris! it was a GILF-ish woman with nice cans for once, instead of a crusty old white guy. I was fired up. How the hell did we get here? I don't know, but I have a good idea of who's responsible.

So, I present to you the top ten most disappointing Democrats since 2006. To be clear, the disappointment is measured relative to the hopes I had for each person on the list. Some of here because of their actions. Some are here because they didn't act.

10) Russ Feingold - Really, I think it should be you here as the nominee. You have it all, a real fighters instinct, mid-western bonafides and an impressive track record of being totally fucking right. But, you decided to stay in the Senate saying you would be more effective at bringing about "change" from that position than campaigning from President. We all knew the truth was you were afraid of Hillary.

9) Nancy Pelosi - Frankly, she's done a pretty decent job and has actually forced the President to use his veto several times. And sure, there's a dumb trip to Syria and the mere fact that she's gay-friendly and from San Francisco to fire up the wingers. But the reason she's on this list is her endorsement. There isn't one yet and that's crazy man. (Fact check me here: I'm pretty sure I didn't miss that).

8) Al Gore - I understand why he didn't run. Really, I do. But, Al... dude...

7) Dennis Kucinich - I like Dennis. But, he's goofy both in policies and persona and that stuff rubs off on "liberals". What's really unfair about it is that the crazies on the right don't seem to stain "conservatives" the same way. Still, he got way to much pub for my taste.

6) George Stephanopolous - That fucking debate was total bullshit. I watched the War Room and thought, hey, here's a cool kind of democrat. On the right side of the issues, but not so wussy to be afraid to get dirty in the political arena. Now, I realize he's just like the rest of the core Clinton players. Cocky, arrogant, ruthless dicks.

5) Howard Dean - O RLY? This is what you do? You go from "yeaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!" to a DNC chairman who allows this debacle to happen? WTF, Howie? ARRGGHGHGGH!!!!!!

4) Harry Reid - Take the same basic criticisms of Pelosi for staying out of this stupid destructive primary and then compound it with easily the worst Senate leadership I could have imagined. I wish we could have a national recall vote on the bastard. Supposed to be a pugnacious fighter, he's been as soft and sweet as a daisy to the Bush Administration.

3) Bill Clinton - Know what? Fuck you, Bill Clinton. I shook your hand once and now I wish I had coughed up a loogie in it first. I defended the guy until my head hurt to every ditto-head-douchnozzle from here to ends of the internet and this is how he repays me (and the many others who did the same)? By being a red-faced Sancho Panza to his wife's Dame Quioxte? Fuck you, Bill.

2) Hillary Clinton - When the right painted her as a conniving, calculating machiavellian bitch, I had no idea how right they were. Sure, I'll vote for her over the loony old man if necessary. But I'm not gonna be able to defend her from the crazies on the right the way I did her husband. She's all the ambition of the man without the resume of competence, in my opinion. She's an example of the worst in politics. Her stated policies happen to agree with mine mostly, but I can't really support her against any credible Democrat.

1) Barack Obama - He's number one on this list because my expectations were sky high. On paper, he's like an NBA lottery pick with treeemendous upside. But, he's also like the one of those first round NBA draft picks who's used to softer zone defenses in college and then gets a few elbows in the mouth in the pros and loses his game.

-begin plea-

Barack. Dude It's time to come down off the ivory tower, get dirty and finish Hillary off. Politics has no place for a person who feels himself above politics. This should be easy for you. But while he's busy turning the other cheek, Hillary, McCain and apparently Rev Wright are having a fine old time beating the living shit out of you.

Americans want a president who won't drag the country down into the mud we've been in for the past 8 years. But we also want one who will stand and fight. You should be good at that. You're from Chicago, right? It's the Chicago way.


-end plea-

Now, go get it done, BO!

Scattergories Meme

I've never played Scattergories, but Toast tagged everybody so here goes.
1. What is your name? Erik.
2. A four-letter word: Even (closest curse I could think of was Eat Me, but that's 5 letters and two words).
3. A vehicle: The mythical EV1.
4. A city: Edinburgh.
5. A boy's name: Ethan.
6. A girl's name: Emma - my daughter's name
7. Alcoholic drink: Egg Nog
8. An occupation: Electrician
9. Something you wear: I cheated and had to do some research. I couldn't think of anything that you wear that starts with E. I eventually found Espadrilles.
10. A celebrity:

11. A food: Escarole
12. Something found in a bathroom: electric hair dryer.
13. Reason for being late: "Why did you take your shoes off? We just put them on! I don't care you don't want to go to school. Put your coat on!"
14. Something you shout: Eek!
15. An animal: Elephant
16. A body part: Ear.

Having completed this meme and remaining relatively unmoved by it, I tag no one.

The NFL Champion Giants At The White House

This is the future

Damn, I need one of these right now.

You cannot stop the Bear Grylls Post

You can only hope to contain it.

Little did I know when I whipped up an MS paint thought bubble over a hunky picture of Bear Grylls that this would be the post that would drive the most users to this blog. Yep, this is my most famous post.

In the months that followed, comments from the Bear Grylls Fanclub bubbled up on the blog pretty steadily at the rate of about 1 crazy person every two weeks. Here are the best ones.

FUCK... YOU... FUCKTARD. you obviously dont understand anything he does, try doing ONE of the things he does, any one. furthermore, do you think you'd do so good in a situation that he goes into, without the stuff you learn from hi. oh, and nice photo shopping, kudos to the 9 year old that did a speech bubble in paint

I'm not nine, I'm 38, but thanks.

You dont be hatin my bear grylls because you couldnt do half the shit he does.........he climbed everest bitch..........you probably live with your parents in the basement you dumb fag go eat a zebra wait bear already did that... boner jockey

Go eat a zebra?

I LOVE BEAR GRYLLS. hes awsom eand has a hilairiouse personality.

Even Bear Grylls couldn't fix this spelling. Not even if he parachuted into a library with only a Webster's Dictionary and Roget's Thesaurus.

Okay yes its true Bear did fake it, but why don;t you try and have a family while going out every other week to shoot your self surviving. I still watch his show for tips.
YourMom | 04.28.08 - 7:05 pm |

Mom? You too?

Well, since new episodes of our favorite show start on May 2nd, I thought it might be a good idea to revisit why Bear Grylls sucks.

Item #1
See how clever editing makes Bear look like he's n the middle of nowhere when really he's a short walk from a busy road.


Item #2
See how they shoot one episode in the same place they shot Jurassic Park. Stick around to the end to see the terrible wild Infants of Hawaii! Incredibly dangerous beasties!


Item #3
See the lengths they go to in order to fake things. Fake built rafts, dudes in bear suits and even buying a rabbit just to pretend he caught it, kill it and eat it. This last one is the most devastating, IMO.


Given all this, I would like to declare that the official survival expert of BuzzingFridge is Les Stroud of Survivorman. He doesn't have a crew. He's a filmmaker, too and sets up all his cameras himself. No assistance and so far, no cheating. Suck on that, Bear Grylls!

Super Bling

For your viewing pleasure. And yes, I had a very nice time yesterday with a bunch of Pats fans, thanks for asking.

My Gift To You

Er, um, well... Wired's gift to you - Top 10 April Fool's Pranks for Nerds.

I just pulled #4 on a co-worker.

4. Optical Mouse Confusion This is an update of the old mouse-ball-removal trick: A small piece of tape over the laser sensor on an optical mouse will cause it to go haywire. Just color the nonstick side of the tape with a Sharpie and then tape it over the lens.

A Wired.com reader last year reported that someone at a major tech company (it rhymes with 'Frisco') was fooled by this trick four times in a single day. Sometimes the simplest pranks are the most enjoyable.

Might have screwed up his day, but I loved it. I'm gonna do it again to someone else. In other related news, they may find my corpse in a ditch later today.

And if you really hate your co-workers, open this image full screen on their pc.



Once they realize their monitor's not cracked, they'll thank you for showing them how futile it is to be attached to earthly possessions.

Thursday List of Top 5 Things that Suck

New feature. A weekly list of things that I run across that makes me think, "wow, that really sucks". Items listed in reverse order of suckiness.

5) Dancing with the Stars - Sorry Toast. This show is ridiculous. No TV show should be built around Penn (of Penn and Teller) dancing a cha cha. Or Adam Corolla. It's unwatchably stupid. The ballroom chicks are ridiculously hot, too, so I keep trying to watch it but can't

4) The New York Knicks - They've sucked for a long time but now they've entered the the home stretch that emphasizes the lamest part of the NBA - tanking games to climb the in the lottery. The NBA is the one league where having a high lottery pick really can change the face of the franchise. So the not-so-secret effort to lose games is in full force. At least it looks like they'll have a new GM to make that pick.

3) Jay Leno - Furious, Tart and Angelos agree.

2) George Fucking Will - He'd love to think that he's William F. Buckley's heir apparent to the mantle of right-wing pretentious pedant, but he's really just a dickhead.

1) Hillary Clinton - and she's gonna stay in the #1 spot until she sobers up and drops out of the race. Because this shit is ridiculous.

Top 5 Reasons it sucks to be an Engineering Student

From Wired's Science blog.

5. Awful Textbooks
Thick, dry, black and white manuscripts are rarely a source of inspiration and sometimes can cause loads of confusion. Often, the text is poorly written and interrupted by lengthy equations with symbols that are different from those used by the professor during lectures.

4. Professors are Rarely Encouraging
During each class, a professor that would rather be tending to his research will waltz up to a blackboard or overhead projector and scribble out equations for an hour without uttering a single sentence to create some excitement.

3. Dearth of Quality Counseling
College students may not have a sense for how to build their resume and they might be clueless about the variety of career opportunities that await them. Unfortunately, some academic advisers do little more than post fliers about internships and hand out a checklist of classes to take. They should make some projections about the future job market, learn about the interests of each young scholar, and offer them tailored advice for how to best prepare themselves.

2. Other Disciplines Have Inflated Grades
Brilliant engineering students may earn surprisingly low grades while slackers in other departments score straight As for writing book reports and throwing together papers about their favorite zombie films.

Some professors view undergraduate education as a type of natural selection, but their analogy is flawed. Many of the brightest students may struggle while mediocre scholars can earn top scores because they have a larger group of supportive friends to or more time to dedicate to studying.

1. Every Assignment Feels the Same
Nearly every homework assignment and test question is a math problem. Only a few courses require creativity or offer hands on experience.

Every one of these rings true for me. The core engineering curriculum (at least as it was in the 80's at RPI) is designed to batter your brain into a particular mode of thinking that's particularly useful when solving engineering problems. The thing is that it's stifling. For ninety percent of the questions you are asked, there is but one correct answer. What is the fun in that? It breeds orthodoxy in thought and I despised that. It's repetitive. I can remember thinking several times, "this is the same class I took last semester. Only the crib sheet of equations I get to take to the exam has changed."

The teachers can be awful. With regards to #'s 4 and 5, I recall one professor that stands out. His name was Marcelo Crespo Da Silva - Machine Dynamics. He seemed to hate us, well not me in particular. He liked me. Seemed to hate almost everyone else.

Reason #5 mentions bad text books. This "textbook" was probably the cheapest textbook I ever bought. I think it cost $15 bucks but I had to go to the copy department of the library, not the bookstore to get it. That's because it was a bound copy of Crespo Da Silva's long-hand written text and hand written drawings. The dude's handwriting was damn near impossible to read and the drawings were shit. The book was worthless. See, ol' Crespo couldn't get it finished and published in time. So we used his notes. Terrible.

Reason #4 is that professors are discouraging. Well, I'll never forget the day that Crespo walked into the class and said, "How many of you are second semester seniors?" About 2/3 the class raised their hands. He followed by saying, "That's very dissapointing. First, it's disappointing that we can produce engineers that cannot understand this material at a basic level. Second, I'm disappointed that I can't give you the failing grades you deserve because too many of you would fail and it might impact graduation." Not the most nurturing environment.

Note that this is not to say that other disciplines don't have tough/distant teachers. But, in as much as Engineers in general trend toward lacking social graces, their professors can be doubly so. The core curriculum is seen as a necessary evil or a bridge that must be crossed. It's too bad, because while they're beating this stuff into kids heads they're stifling creativity.

It certainly did me. Eventually, I had a meltdown, stopped going to class before I finally withdrew and went home. I felt that "I wasn't an engineer. It's just that I'm cursed because I'm so damn good at it." I worked in a restaurant. Then a factory. Then a pragmatic desire for good pay sent me back to school to finish the engineering degree. Still, I sneered at my chosen profession. When I graduated, I blew it off entirely and opened a bar with my Dad.

It wasn't until I jumped on the 90's computer bandwagon, which became the dot-com explosion that I really became an engineer in practice. It's not at all like engineering school. I can be creative and do my job, in fact, the results are far better when I do. There are a hundred different choices in solving a complex problem and there is no single "right answer" (of course, some answers I prefer greatly to others). Even so, it took many years for me to understand that I really AM an engineer and I'm not be disappointed in that. I'm an excellent engineer. I like being an engineer. I never would have imagined that during my junior year at RPI. That's too bad.

Sunday Morning Potpourri

Man, life is a funny, funny thing. It's Easter Sunday Morning and my kids are 10 minutes away in a small house with their Mom and her deadbeat boyfriend. This, of course, should make me sad, no? Why doesn't it. Why is it that I'm cruising around my house, listening to my "Sunday AM" playlist and dancing with my labrador (not exactly. But, when I get my groove on, she gets excited and hops up and down)? I mean, just a few posts ago, I was whinin' like a wussy to you folks (Nice job, BTW). What's on tap for today? A little blogging, going into my office to wrap up some stuff and then back home for some laundry, slippers, beer and taxes. Why the hell would I be excited about that? Dunno. But today, life feels good.

So, here's a Sunday AM, feeling happy, brain and link dump.

Ok, someone needs to shake the shit out of Hillary and tell her that her campaign has reached a quixotic pinnacle of futility and it's time for her to step aside. I'm totally available for such a gig.

LOST hurts my head. I love it truly, deeply and completely, but it hurts my head. That bad dude is gay? Michael keeps having visions of Libby? Who the hell sniped those folks at the end?

Kinetic Typography

Lye


Nobody fucks with the Jesus


I am merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man who he is


Inward Singing


What?

P-Krug says "I was right, bitchez"

Ok, let's say, hypothetically you're going through a divorce. Then let's say you're maybe a bit lonely around Valentine's Day. So, ok, you may breakdown and sign up for eharmony, because they pummel you with those insipid commercials with disgustingly happy people that make you sneer (when secretly, being disgustingly happy seems surprisingly appealing). Ok. Let's say all that happens. This is what will follow. You're fucking inbox will be spammed with approximately a googol of matches(remember that 'googol' is a number? This was before Google hi-jacked it and Googolplex, misspelled it and decided to take over the earth). These ridiculously numerous matches will do two things: They will fist undercut the key marketing differentiator of "matching on 30 something different criteria" - can there be instantly 30 something matches for a person on 40-whatever levels? Bah! You will call "bullshit"! and b) they will reduce you to a gelatinous glob curled in the fetal position, hiding from your gmail and quietly whispering "mommy..." You see, you're not ready for this. Not at all. You have shit to take care of. A lot of shit. It's shit that's best handled in a nice, neat, engineering-style linear fashion. You're lining up this shit that you have to do into nice manageable shitty dominoes that will fall predictably one after the other until all the shit is done. You can't actually be considering dating someone before you take care of all that shit, can you? Of course not. But, the matches won't stop. There's no respite. They keep matching and matching until you spend an hour plumbing the depths of the site looking for the goddamn "off" switch. You'll find it and sigh in relief, but it's not over yet. You'll get emails saying "Pricilla in Darien requests communication". Ack! What does that even mean? You'll pretend it didn't happen because when in doubt what you did in 5th grade still works great today. Then someone who "requested communication" will "nudge" you. This will be terrifying. Because it doesn't just mean that they randomly clicked matches and said, "wtf, lemme request some communication from this dork". They went back, took a second look and said, "Dude. I requested some communication from you and you blew me off. What the hell?" You'll waver. You'll look at their profile. Maybe they're a bit interesting. Maybe they really could be ok with all the shit you have to do and you would have enough left over to share with them. But, you'll know that you really won't have enough to do both. You know yourself and will realize that you're really better off starting this kind of stuff when you have time to really spend on it. And right now you won't. I mean, maybe it's Easter Sunday for godssake and maybe you're going into work, even if there's a significant chance you'll get canned on Monday. But, perhaps the fact remains that your last relationship suffered in part because you decided to put too many priorities ahead of it. You won't want to do that again. So, you'll keep your focus on your dominoes of shit to do.

Just a fair warning, people. That's what's gonna happen.

This is what makes South Park one of the greatest shows ever. Can a show be disgusting, chilling, funny and a biting social commentary? Yes it can.

I could probably give you seven minutes

if you don't move around too much...

Because we love Memes

Tart and Chemist have memes people. They're not prolific taggers, but I've never been one to be to shy to invite myself to a party.

First up, found at Tart's (via Kona) is a middle name meme . As usual, it begins with rules:

1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.
2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don’t have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother’s maiden name).
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person (or blogger of another species) for each letter of your middle name. (Be sure to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged.)

J ay-z has been dominating my iPod for a few weeks now.

O f course I'd be forced to sell my house when the market is collapsing.

H enry is my Dad's middle name and his Dad's first name. John is my middle name and my Dad's first name. Erik is my son's middle name and my first name. Son, don't you screw up the roll we're on!

N asal passages. Mine are narrow and I get plugged up in the winter with colds and in the winter and allergies in the summer. Dammit.

There you go. The rules say I should tag 4, but this meme ain't that cool. Play if you want to.

Next, Chemist posts 15 things he's done that maybe we haven't. (Note url of link says 14. I'm confused).

The original post he links to has just 10 things. So, I get the idea that 15 isn't required. Good thing because I don't think I can come up with 15(or 14 things for that matter).

Here goes:
1) I skipped the third grade.
2) Until 4th grade I was one of four white kids at a predominately black school.
3) I once shook hands with three people at one political rally at a truck stop in Pennsylvania who either were or would eventually be running for president.
4) For part of my college life, going "home" for holidays meant hopping on a British Airways with flight attendants with the smokin' hot british accents and going to the UK.
5) I once saw a man running down the street in the nude firing a handgun.
6) I was once arrested for for disorderly conduct for "failure to disperse". Note: the semantics of a police report will not get you out of paying a fine.
7) I once made a girl cry during a re-enactment of the John Adams - Thomas Jefferson presidential debates. I was Adams and she was pwned.
8) As a kid, I had a dog named Boner.
9) I got into every college I applied to, meaning I got shitty advice from my high school that I took.
10) I've never broken a bone. Ligaments, cartilage and muscles? Not so lucky.

had to stretch there for #10. Again, feel free to meme if you want to.

Evil Empire Extends Squid-Like Tentacles to engulf NCAA team

That's what Yankee haters might say about today. Of course, in reality, the Yankees did a nice thing today in bringing the entire team of starters (minus Matsui) to play an exhibition with Virginia Tech.

In addition to this, evil George Steinbrenner donated a million dollars to the Hokies Memorial Spirit fund. Damn Yankees.

FYI, Games being streamed for free at MLB.TV.

Good Job Yankees. And kudos to the Boss for writing the big check.

This Blog Sucks

Seriously. It does. Especially recently as I've had little time nor ideas to share with anyone who randomly falls down a hole in the internet and ends up here. What have I been doing?

1) Getting a Divorce - This is a major pain in the ass. It's far harder to get a divorce than get married. Logic says it should be the other way around.

2) Putting one of my dogs to sleep - Again, this sucked. Never actually did this before. At age 13, he was slowly declined and then all of a sudden, he began to decline very rapidly. I could handle the shaky arthritic back half, the vomiting and the accidents in the house. But, he began to de-compensate mentally. Cognitive dysfunction, the vet said, which basically meant he got increasingly senile and anxious. He was often disoriented and panicky. He really only calmed down when I was there. It got to the point where I was concerned for my kids and my other dog and realized that it was time. I miss you, buddy.

3) Chaos at work - can't elaborate because my co-workers discovered this blog. Hey, there co-working folks! See you guys at the coffee machine!

4) Planning the future for Fridge Infrastructure 2.0. Item #1 has caused a need for rebuilding. There's much to be done. More on this later (maybe?).

So that's what I've been focusing on. As such, nothing original or interesting to share with you peeps (not that I had much before). Didn't even get to the enormous "anatomy of a championship team" roster analysis post I had planned for the Giants or a review of my Yankee off-season plans versus what actually happened. Probably never will.

Anyway, people. That's my lame-ass excuse for not posting. What's yours for continuing to show up here?

This meme is awesome

Now, here's a great meme. Manuel tagged me and I am happy to comply.

Instructions: Look up 15 of your favorite films on IMDb and take a quote from each. List them below. When someone guesses the quote correctly, cross it off the list. Leave a comment with your answers. And NO CHEATING.

Excellent! I love movie quotes. Here we go!

1) To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women. (chemist)

2) There's something out there. That... that witch in the cellar is only part of it. It lives... out in those woods, in the dark... something... something that's come back from the dead. (Mike)

3) Tell me, who was it you left me for? Was it Laszlo, or were there others in between? Or - aren't you the kind that tells? (VMH)

4) Greetings from The Humungus! The Lord Humungus! The Warrior of the Wasteland! The Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla! (Toast)

5) You don't seem to want to accept the fact you're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare, with a man who's the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. A man who's been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke. (chemist)

6) We'd better get back, 'cause it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night... mostly. (manuel)

7) Oh, it's all right. I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr... Poopy Pants? (Angelos)

8) You see, I have no intentions of breaking down her prejudices. I want her to believe in God and virtue and the sanctity of marriage, and still not be able to stop herself. I want the pleasure of watching her betray everything that is most important to her. Surely you can understand that. I thought betrayal was your favorite word. (manuel)

9) Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos. (chemist)

10) I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

11) I eat Green Berets for breakfast. And right now, I'm very hungry! (manuel)

12) I drink your milkshake! (chemist)

13) Can I confess something? I tell you this as an artist,I think you'll understand. Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline. (Tart)

14) Bitch, you don't have a future. (chemist)

15) I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. (Mike)

I tag: Toast, Senor Furious, All three of the Howards,
Angelos, Chemist and Tart.

UPDATE: Thanks for playing! Mike finished it off at 6:35 AM ET Best. Meme. Ever.

This meme is too much work

Here's a meme that Angelos described as more like homework than any other. Then he tagged me. Thanks.

The Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. List 7 random/weird things about your favorite historical figure.
3. Tag seven more people at the end of your blog and link to theirs.
4. Let the person know they have been tagged by leaving a note on their blog.

First of all, you know I don't ever let anyone tell me how many people to tag. Screw you. This is my blog and if your meme reaches an internet endpoint here then so be it. I may or may not choose to propagate.

Second of all, I don't have a "favorite" historical figure. So, I had to find one. The best I could do was remembering how I read a book about Ghengis Khan when I was 9 (mostly because it had a wicked cool Frank Frazetta-esque cover) that I absolutely loved.

Here goes:

1) Ghengis Khan killed his own brother in a dispute over hunting spoils. His family was basically penniless at this time, but Ghengis took charge. This is how he locked himself in as head of the family at a young age.

2) Ghengis Khan he founded the mongol empire, which was the largest contiguous empire in history. That's bad ass.

3) It is thought that you can trace 8% of Asia's population to Ghengis Khan's DNA. That's also .5 percent of all people. Ghengis Khan's pimp hand was strong.

4) Here is a picture of Khan's empire at his death. It's big.


5) The Mongol Empire under Ghengis practiced Religious Tolerance.

6) Ghengis tried to follow Taoist teachings for a while, until he learned that the monk teaching him didn't have a machine to make him immortal. Seriously, I think this is the right way to go with religion. If it can't do anything for you, why put up with it?

7) The Mongol Empire under Ghengis practiced strict meritocracy. But, the exception was Ghengis' family. This is how you spread your DNA to 8% of Asia, people. Unnaturally select your peeps to be rich bastards.

There ya go. Ghengis was a bad man. I tag only Manuel. Rules be damned.

Kid gets purple heart with Happy Meal

It's not the best picture (camera phone), but if you look at this handsome young man's forehead, you'll see a red mark. That red mark was made by teeth. Yes, someone bit my son on the forehead at McDonald's.

How the hell did this happen? Well, I'm not really sure. This is one of those McDonald's with a play scape - kind of a habitrail for human children. I usually let my kids get a bit of the manic energy out before we eat. So, I waited in line to order while they took their shoes off and played. The play area was packed. It's total chaos so I can't pay close attention to them. But they can't get out of there without me seeing them and I figure they're safe. Just after I order, I look back and see Emma walking a truly traumatized Jonny over to me. He's got a weird mark on his forehead but he's holding his composure like a teary little soldier. Initially, it looks like he was struck with forehead the end of a 1 inch pipe. I think, how the hell did he fall and get that? That toddler climbing thing is padded everywhere. So, I look closer and try and imagine what could have done that. That's when I see the teeth marks. A near perfect circle of teeth. I'm shocked. I say, "JB! Did someone bite you?" He musters up a "yeah..." and then loses it.

Now I'm stuck in line waiting for a couple Happy Meals and what I'd really like to be doing is assembling a line up so the victim can identify the perpetrator of this heinous act. I'm ready to begin the interrogation of this child by stuffing the little bastard in a garbage can. A concerned Mom in the next line over asks me what happened (they do that, those concerned moms... It's like a club when you have little kids. People who would never talk to you under normal circumstances all of a sudden have lots to say to you. It's kinda like how Harley riders give each other that little salute when they pass each other. Well, only not that cool by any stretch of the imagination. I'm in the concerned mother club) and I say, "somebody bit him." Well, there are some Mom's for whom this is a huge deal - the kind of moms who'd like to pack their kids in styrofoam until College Graduation... for them it's an excuse to panic - and this is one of those moms. She immediately scoots into the play area and decides to declare that there's a biter in our midst (!) and cause a full ruckus. The other moms leap into action. Frantically they scoop up their children and toss them into minivans. The rumor spreads like wildfire. It even makes it back to Emma, who comes over and says, "Hey dad, there's someone biting in there!" "Yeah, they bit your brother..." "Oh Yeah! I forgot!" Er, thanks for checking in, Em. The play place clears out. I should have had the managers lock the doors! Now the suspect has surely fled!

We sit down to eat, not inside the play area because Jonny is having none of that. Did you know someone bit him in there? I make sure that Jonny can see the play area though and I sit next to him so we can try and identify the perp, should he still be here and not on his way home to go to bed. One by one, I ask Jonny. "Is that him?" "No." "How bout that one?" "No." Damn. The trail is getting cold. There is one promising lead, though. There's a kid. He's 5 or so and has got dark hair (as Jonny described his attacker) and looks like, well, kind of an asshole. "JB. What about that guy? He looks shifty..." "No." "You sure?" "Yeah". Dammit!

I go into CSI mode. Bite radius! Maybe I can guess how old he is. I look at the circle. It's very small, maybe a little over an inch in diameter. "Emma," I say, "open your mouth." Hmmm... much smaller than Emma's "JB. Open yours." Definitely smaller still than JB's. That puts the perp at an age younger than our 4 year old victim. Probably closer to 1 1/2 or 2 years old. This makes a lot of sense. That's when most kids go through a biting phase - heck, Jonny did. There's one kid left in the place who fits the description. Dark hair, young. "Jonny, look at that kid. Is that the guy?" "No daddy." "Are you sure, buddy? It's ok to tell me if it is." "No, I just want to snuggle you, daddy." No justice for us today. Jonny seems to have an easier time with that than me.

Later, after eating and many, many assurances from his sister that she hadn't been bitten and it was safe, Jonny finally dares to re-enter the climbing area and come down the slide. He runs over to me with a big smile and exclaimed, "Daddy! No one bit me!"

"Woo Hoo, buddy! One in a row!"