No alarms and no surprises, please.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Kid gets purple heart with Happy Meal

It's not the best picture (camera phone), but if you look at this handsome young man's forehead, you'll see a red mark. That red mark was made by teeth. Yes, someone bit my son on the forehead at McDonald's.

How the hell did this happen? Well, I'm not really sure. This is one of those McDonald's with a play scape - kind of a habitrail for human children. I usually let my kids get a bit of the manic energy out before we eat. So, I waited in line to order while they took their shoes off and played. The play area was packed. It's total chaos so I can't pay close attention to them. But they can't get out of there without me seeing them and I figure they're safe. Just after I order, I look back and see Emma walking a truly traumatized Jonny over to me. He's got a weird mark on his forehead but he's holding his composure like a teary little soldier. Initially, it looks like he was struck with forehead the end of a 1 inch pipe. I think, how the hell did he fall and get that? That toddler climbing thing is padded everywhere. So, I look closer and try and imagine what could have done that. That's when I see the teeth marks. A near perfect circle of teeth. I'm shocked. I say, "JB! Did someone bite you?" He musters up a "yeah..." and then loses it.

Now I'm stuck in line waiting for a couple Happy Meals and what I'd really like to be doing is assembling a line up so the victim can identify the perpetrator of this heinous act. I'm ready to begin the interrogation of this child by stuffing the little bastard in a garbage can. A concerned Mom in the next line over asks me what happened (they do that, those concerned moms... It's like a club when you have little kids. People who would never talk to you under normal circumstances all of a sudden have lots to say to you. It's kinda like how Harley riders give each other that little salute when they pass each other. Well, only not that cool by any stretch of the imagination. I'm in the concerned mother club) and I say, "somebody bit him." Well, there are some Mom's for whom this is a huge deal - the kind of moms who'd like to pack their kids in styrofoam until College Graduation... for them it's an excuse to panic - and this is one of those moms. She immediately scoots into the play area and decides to declare that there's a biter in our midst (!) and cause a full ruckus. The other moms leap into action. Frantically they scoop up their children and toss them into minivans. The rumor spreads like wildfire. It even makes it back to Emma, who comes over and says, "Hey dad, there's someone biting in there!" "Yeah, they bit your brother..." "Oh Yeah! I forgot!" Er, thanks for checking in, Em. The play place clears out. I should have had the managers lock the doors! Now the suspect has surely fled!

We sit down to eat, not inside the play area because Jonny is having none of that. Did you know someone bit him in there? I make sure that Jonny can see the play area though and I sit next to him so we can try and identify the perp, should he still be here and not on his way home to go to bed. One by one, I ask Jonny. "Is that him?" "No." "How bout that one?" "No." Damn. The trail is getting cold. There is one promising lead, though. There's a kid. He's 5 or so and has got dark hair (as Jonny described his attacker) and looks like, well, kind of an asshole. "JB. What about that guy? He looks shifty..." "No." "You sure?" "Yeah". Dammit!

I go into CSI mode. Bite radius! Maybe I can guess how old he is. I look at the circle. It's very small, maybe a little over an inch in diameter. "Emma," I say, "open your mouth." Hmmm... much smaller than Emma's "JB. Open yours." Definitely smaller still than JB's. That puts the perp at an age younger than our 4 year old victim. Probably closer to 1 1/2 or 2 years old. This makes a lot of sense. That's when most kids go through a biting phase - heck, Jonny did. There's one kid left in the place who fits the description. Dark hair, young. "Jonny, look at that kid. Is that the guy?" "No daddy." "Are you sure, buddy? It's ok to tell me if it is." "No, I just want to snuggle you, daddy." No justice for us today. Jonny seems to have an easier time with that than me.

Later, after eating and many, many assurances from his sister that she hadn't been bitten and it was safe, Jonny finally dares to re-enter the climbing area and come down the slide. He runs over to me with a big smile and exclaimed, "Daddy! No one bit me!"

"Woo Hoo, buddy! One in a row!"

Thursday, February 14, 2008

123 Book Meme

I've been tagged by Toast with this simple meme.


1. Grab the nearest book (that is at least 123 pages long).
2. Open to p. 123.
3. Go down to the 5th sentence.
4. Type in the following 3 sentences.
5. Tag five people.

Here are the next three sentences.
The degree of opacity is specified by an alpha value, which is sometimes seen together with RGB as ARGB(Alpha-RGB). The Alpha value ranges from 0 to 255, where 0 is completely transparent and 255 is completely opaque. Instead of using a constructor, you create a Color object by using the FromArgb method, passing brightness settings of red, green and blue.

That riveting passage on basic GDI programming is from the nearest book to me while I sit at my desk. It's from a truly excellent book I got in 2004 about Windows Forms Programming in C# by Chris Sells. I later saw Sells present a few Topics at the Microsoft PDC in 2005. He was funny as hell. For my money, he's one of the best writers on Microsoft technologies around (He also co-wrote Essential .NET with Don Box). As of that PDC, he had just joined the development team of the WCF. Don't know whether that's still true or not.

So, not very interesting in terms of being a window into my soul or anything, but fun little meme. I won't tag 5 people because I'm passive aggressive like that, but I will tag Manuel.

Valentine's Day Sucks

I hate it, and for good reason. And not just for the cliche reasons that it's manufactured and arbitrary - which of course it is. Not because most men secretly resent having to gin up some B.S. romantic escapade on a random Thursday knowing that tomorrow, their ladies will mostly be comparing notes and trying to gauge where their man's efforts rank in the general romantic gift/evening population (although the certain sex helps). Not because of the absurd competition for presents, roses from Guatemala and reservations at hotels and restaurants that can really drive a guy nuts. Not because of the futility of trying find a stupid Hallmark card that can represent actual feelings of love. Everybody knows that stuff.

Nope, I have specific reasons to hate today. Reasons that aren't about love and bitterness in general, but this day in particular. The details of these reasons probably aren't best suited for discussion on a blog, but suffice to say that somebody done did me wrong. It involved Valentine's Day. And every year on this day I'm reminded of it.

Today, my iPod is shuffling on the "fuck you" playlist. So, take your la-de-la-lovey-dovey bullshit elsewhere. Check back tomorrow for good humor and moderation.

Monday, February 11, 2008

TOP 5 Reality Shows I've been forced to watch because of the WGA Strike

In the absence of my favorite shows on TV, I've been forced to pick up other forms of entertainment. I've been playing a little Battlefield 2. I've been re-watching the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl over and over. I've actually been getting to some of the organizational tasks I've been meaning to for so long. I've been shredding Guitar Hero III and blowing up zombies in Resident Evil 4 on the Wii. I've been watching Arrested Development on DVD. I've been watching my roomba torment my two dogs. In short, there's been plenty of stuff to do without Heroes, BSG, etc. while the writers fight valiantly for their just compensation. And of course, there's been the rare mid-season revelation of Terminator The Sarah Connor Chromicles (very long title, btw - hereafter known as TSCC).

Still, I've also meandered up and down the guide to watch some reality TV that I wouldn't have glanced at before now. Here are the ones I've come to enjoy.

1) MythBusters (DSC)- Most everyone has probably seen this show at least in clips. A couple of special effects guys lead a team of shop nerds into trying to recreate famous myths. I've watched it on and off since it came out. Once the WGA strike came, it got "season pass" TiVo status. So far, my favorite episode is the episode where they tried to build a rocket that might have been built at the end of the civil war. Apparently, there was a myth that a rocket was built that was fired on Washington DC from nearly 100 miles away. In the process, they almost burned down their shop but managed to build working missiles in two days. A lot of geeky fun here.

2) Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1)-
I can't believe I watch this show, but I do. There's a dude from Grease and Taxi, Daniel Baldwin, Mary Carey (the porn star who ran for Gov of California), Brigitte Nielsen, Chyna from WWE and frankly, some celebrities I don't even recognize. Still, I can't stop watching it on VH1. This also made it to "season pass" status, I'm ashamed to say.

3) Scott Baio is 46 and.... (VH1)- I guess this show used to be "and... Single" and now is "and... Pregnant". This could be one of the most obviously "produced" reality shows I've ever seen, but I find Baio strangely compelling. I can't explain it. Maybe it's the fact that he hangs out with the dude who was the older brother on the "Wonder Years". Maybe it's because he admitted that real-life Chachi lost his virginity to real-life Joanie. Maybe it's because he was Bob Loblaw on Arrested Development. Dunno.

4) Flip This House - Step 1 - Buy a house. Step 2 - Fix it up. Step 3 - Sell it, hopefully at a profit. Why is this interesting? Damned if I know, but it is. I think I watched 4 of these in a row one boring sleepy Saturday afternoon. There's something pleasing about the "uh oh, this is more than I bargained for" followed by the "Yikes! I'm having problems with a contractor" before ultimately "Phew! Everything came together at the last minute! Can you believe it?"

5) Cheaters (G4TV) - This show is the ultimate guilty pleasure. Here's how it works. Person contacts cheaters because they suspect significant other of cheating. Cheaters covertly follows other and catches them on tape. Cheaters shows person the proof that the other is cheating. Cheaters coaxes person into confronting other, known to be cheating right this very minute. Confrontation happens, Jerry Springer-esque goodness ensues. Damn I love that show. I am a bad person.

Friday, February 08, 2008

Name The Play, my favorite NY Giants message board site, had a thread asking for a nick name for the incredible Manning to Tyree escape and throw. Here's the best one, IMO. It's from a very funny poster named 'Davisian' -

The "OMG I was like "Oh shit, he's gonna get sacked, we're gonna lose," but then Eli was all "nuh-uh, I'm gettin outta here" but the Pats guys were like "well, I'm grabbin some Jersey" but Eli was like "you can't stop me with a jersey pull" and then I was like "holy shit, he got away" but then it looked like Vrabel was going to KILL him, so I was all "Throw the ball Eli!" but then I thought about the possibility of a pick, so I was like "But don't throw a pick." Then he heaved it and I was like "Please let a Giant catch the ball" and I saw Tyree and Harrison and I was like "Oh FUCK its Tyree" but Tyree was all "Fuck yo Mama, I'm makin this catch" and Harrisonw as like "fuck no you ain't" but Tyree was like "Bitch safety getting pwned sez what?" and Harrison was like "Take THAT and THAT, but Tyree was all "That didn't hurt, I can do it with one hand and my head fool" and he held on an I was all "WOOOOOHOOOO! FUCKIN A" and the Patriots were all "Dude.. that sucked.." and the Giants were all "KUNG FUUU!" and all sorts of reactions and shit, and even though I was drunk as shit, I'll never forget it.." Play

That had me spitting coffee all over my monitor.

P.S. Leave it to Tiki to find a way to take some credit for the Super Bowl win.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Schilling Hurt?

Could it be that his arm now sucks as much as the rest of him? Apparently the Sox think so and are ready to take Curt to task over it.

Roughly a week before pitchers and catchers are due to report to spring training, the Herald has learned today that right-hander Curt Schilling has a significant shoulder injury that could end the veteran right-hander’s season and is causing tension and friction between the player and club.

While neither Schilling nor Sox officials could be reached for comment, baseball sources have indicated that the club has at least inquired about the possibility of voiding the one-year, $8 million contract Schilling signed last November. It is not known to what lengths the Sox have gone on the matter, but their threat has been serious enough to create a conflict between Schilling and the Red Sox


Presumably, Schilling underwent a physical exam when the Red Sox signed him to his guaranteed contract in November. It is unclear whether Schilling’s current problem was overlooked at the time or if he suffered the injury at a later date.

It's been 3 months since Schilling signed his $8 Million, self negotiated contract. Already this thing has gone south? Man, back in the good ol' days of late 2007, we were jubilantly covering 'fat' clauses and the ethics of having a $1 million bonus tied to a single Cy Young vote. Already Mom and Dad are fighting?

The interesting thing to be to follow will be a) the nature of the injury and b) what the hell each side knew about the injury before they each signed the contract. Did Curt know he was hurt and was simply trying to milk the Sox for more seed money for 38 Studios? Did the Sox sleep through the pre-contract physical? Or did they simply forget to include an "Excessive WarCraft Fapping" clause?

Regardless, I'm delighted. Not that Schilling is hurt, of course, but that there's "conflict" between the Sox and Schilling over it. Yummy, yummy Schadenfreude.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Thank You

I'll never forget this game, the play shown above, this season or this team and it's epic toughness. The last five weeks of games were simply a fantastic time to be a Giant fan. It was really an incredible run that any fan would love to have for their team. Thank you, New York Giants!

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Game Day

Let's Go Big Blue!

Updated: Here's the Link to the photoshop thread where I originally found this picture. The ones labeled not-safe-for-work should really be labeled not-clever-just-homophobic.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Just how much cheating did they do?

Fascinating, if not very enlightening article in the Times today, regarding the kid who did the actual spying in SpyGate, Matt Walsh. Here's what Walsh says he needs to have before he can talk to anyone about what he knows.

“If someone wanted me to talk and tell them things, I would craft an agreement where they would agree from now until the end of my existence to pay for any legal fees that came up in regards to this, whether I’m sued by the Patriots, the N.F.L., anybody else,” he said. He also said he would want an indemnification agreement, with the news media company paying any fines or damages found against him in court. (It is against the policy of The New York Times to be part of such an agreement.) Mr. Walsh said he sought the legal advice after receiving telephone calls from the news media soon after the taping incident. He said he did so to protect himself and his family.

and then later...

“If I ever got brought in for a deposition or something, then I would just face the whole gauntlet of questions,” he said. “There would be things I’d be forced to answer that some people haven’t taken responsibility for.”

The emphasis is mine. This truly is a tantalizing sentence despite the fact that it ends in a preposition. What occurred that has yet to be discovered? Hmm? What other sneaky tricks has the hoodie employed and what's up his sleeve for Sunday? Who knows? One thing for sure, this is not a disgruntled employee trying to settle a grudge. This dude is trying to stay the hell out of it. It will be interesting to see if lame-ass Arlen Specter comes up with anything.

Cheatin' Bastids! Go Giants!