Sports Potpourri

I never post anymore. Ok, maybe almost never. Here's some sports stuff that's been rattling around my head lately.

Even Kobe Bryant knows that Curt Schilling Sucks. Apparently, our favorite marshmallow shaped hurler caught a Celtics-Lakers game and heard Kobe chirping at his teammates and generally being pissed off while losing. He of course had to write about it on his blog. You can read the bloated post itself, but the gist is that Kobe as a leader is sullen, cranky and tuned out by his teammates. On the other hand, the Celts were totally cool by Curt's standards. Ironically, in the same post, he says that the Manny Vs. Youk dust up is a total non-issue. Let's keep score: In the same post, Schilling draws many conclusions from the non-verbal cues of the Lakers and blows off an acutal fight during a game from his teammates. Curt Schilling Doesn't Suck 0, Curt Schilling Sucks 1. Oh, you don't think Curt's teammates rolled their eyes at him some times? They called him "Redlight" because he loved to talk anytime a camera was recording.

Kobe's reponse when this is brought up by the Boston Media? "Go Yankees". And while I had sided with the Celts going in to the Finals, I am now rooting for the Lakers because I hate Curt Schilling that much and the Celtics are guilty by association. I will admit however I feel a little bit like I've just aligned myself with Saddam Hussein against the Ayatollah. It's not a good feeling. I'll just close my eyes and pretend that it's Magic, Worthy and Kareem against the dirty Bird era Celtics.

After reading this post regarding the question "Is Phil Hughes injury prone?" I officially have a twinge of regret at refusing to include him for Santana. Maybe we can get CC for him?

Welcome Papi. Vote Obama.

All kinds of awesome news at Giants mini-camp. Plax is gonna hold out for more money (he should). Shockey is generally pissing everyone off (surprise) and Osi wants more money but says he'll play. Oh yeah, and Mike Strahan retired. Is this why it's so damn hard to repeat? Hopefully, not having to pay Strahan will free up some cap space to give those guys some more $$$ and maybe resign Chris Snee. But, I'm officially dialing down hopes for the season now. I wonder if the lack of leadership from Strahan and inevitable complacency will trip up the men in blue this season. If it does, I'll always have my Giants 5 DVD complete playoff run and Super Bowl set to watch over and over.

What the hell is wrong with the Yankees? They sit squarely at .500, 7 games behind the Boston Douchenozzles. Well, why is that? It's simple really. They are pitching worse than expected and hitting far worse than expected. Last year, the Yankees were 7th in runs allowed in the AL and this year they are 9th. This, actually is not unexpected, as we planned on breaking in some young pitchers and that has not gone well. In fact, seeing that it's gone as badly as it did, it's impressive that the Yankees are 9th. But still, that's not that big a drop and is not the real reason that the team is floundering. The real reason is offense. The Yankees are 6th in the AL and tied for 13th in MLB in runs scored. Last year, they led all of baseball, basically all year. That's the real problem. Losing Posada and A-Rod hurt. And Cano and Melky have been terrible. Posada and A-Rod are back now. Cano, you can expect to improve, but maybe it's time to give Brett Gardner a chance in CF. I believe that the pitching will improve in the second half. But if the Yanks are gonna make a run, they need the offense to start cranking.

BTW, the Yankees record on June 12, 2007? 31-31, just like today. Ended up with 94 wins.

Schilling Hurt?

Could it be that his arm now sucks as much as the rest of him? Apparently the Sox think so and are ready to take Curt to task over it.

Roughly a week before pitchers and catchers are due to report to spring training, the Herald has learned today that right-hander Curt Schilling has a significant shoulder injury that could end the veteran right-hander’s season and is causing tension and friction between the player and club.

While neither Schilling nor Sox officials could be reached for comment, baseball sources have indicated that the club has at least inquired about the possibility of voiding the one-year, $8 million contract Schilling signed last November. It is not known to what lengths the Sox have gone on the matter, but their threat has been serious enough to create a conflict between Schilling and the Red Sox

......

Presumably, Schilling underwent a physical exam when the Red Sox signed him to his guaranteed contract in November. It is unclear whether Schilling’s current problem was overlooked at the time or if he suffered the injury at a later date.

It's been 3 months since Schilling signed his $8 Million, self negotiated contract. Already this thing has gone south? Man, back in the good ol' days of late 2007, we were jubilantly covering 'fat' clauses and the ethics of having a $1 million bonus tied to a single Cy Young vote. Already Mom and Dad are fighting?

The interesting thing to be to follow will be a) the nature of the injury and b) what the hell each side knew about the injury before they each signed the contract. Did Curt know he was hurt and was simply trying to milk the Sox for more seed money for 38 Studios? Did the Sox sleep through the pre-contract physical? Or did they simply forget to include an "Excessive WarCraft Fapping" clause?

Regardless, I'm delighted. Not that Schilling is hurt, of course, but that there's "conflict" between the Sox and Schilling over it. Yummy, yummy Schadenfreude.

Quick Hits

Sorry to anyone that might have come to this blog hoping to find anything of interest to read. Things have been crazy in Fridge's world and thus blogging opportunities have been few.

In lieu of some engrossing long diatribe, here are a few quick thoughts:

1) This is hysterical: Jerry Seinfeld tooling on Larry King.

2) Halloween with the mini-Fridges was a lot of fun. It also prompted this exchange with my 4 year old son.
Me: Okay, don't forget to wash your hands after you go potty.
Him: Uh, dad. Batman doesn't wash his hands.
Me: Sure he does.
Him: No, he has gloves.
Me: You don't have gloves.
Him: But I am Batman.
Me: Ok, listen. Even Batman has a Dad. Wash your hands.
Him: Oh, alright...

3) How egotistical do you have to be to think that God helped you win the World Series? Why would God give a crap? But, hey many thanks to Curt for taking himself out of the running for Yanks 5th starter. The Yankees had of course centered their offseason plans around signing this bloated ego-maniacal asshole. Oh well, back to the drawing board.

4) P-Krug has a book. I'm reading it now. You should, too.

5) Guitar Hero III for the Wii could be one of the coolest things I've ever owned. I have mastered Foghat and Pat Benatar (yes, Pat Benatar. I was initially confused, too).

6) Because you didn't ask for it, here it is. The history of LOLCats.


http://view.break.com/392548 - Watch more free videos

"Bush League"

Stolen from NoMaas.org and posted without comment.

UPDATED: How in the FSM's name did I forget the immortal words of the WoW geek himself, Curt Schilling, when A-Rod made the same exact play?

Curt Schilling, who made recruiting calls to Rodriguez while the Red Sox chased him last winter, criticized Rodriguez before Game 7 for the Slap in Game 6.

That was "junior high school baseball right there, at its best," Schilling told ESPN Radio, adding: "First off, Bronson wasn't in the base line to begin with. He could have easily broken his arm right there."

Schilling continued to malign Rodriguez by comparing him unfavorably to Jeter. He said Jeter would not have done what Rodriguez did because Jeter is a class act and a professional. Schilling said that Rodriguez could end up as the greatest player ever, but that he would not consider him classy.

Thank you, Dustin Pedroia, you freaky little hobbit. I needed another reminder that Curt Schilling truly and completely SUCKS ASS.

Guess What? Curt Schilling Sucks!

Really? I can't believe it. Once again, the obnoxious baby jesus pimpin doofus felt the need to share his thoughts on players not named Curt Schilling with the rest of the world.

"If someone wrote that stuff about me and I didn't sue their [butt] off, am I not admitting that there's some legitimacy to it?" he said on HBO's "Costas Now."

When asked about Schilling's remarks before the Giants played the Atlanta Braves on Wednesday night, Bonds responded: "Don't worry, my day will come.''

Schilling said "this will be the steroids era forever" and proposed that Jose Canseco and Rafael Palmeiro should be punished for steroids use.

"Jose Canseco admitted he cheated his entire career," Schilling said. "Everything he ever did should be wiped clean. I think his MVP should go back and should go to the runner-up."

Pardon me, while I stretch, reflect and gather my Qi as I prepare to once again address the bloviating gelatinous mess that is Curt Schilling.

Ahh... ok. Ready now.

See, here's the thing Curt, you pathetic pimply WoW geek. (this pic shows Curt as he prepares to do battle online!)
No one really wants to hear your pathetic grandstanding about steroids. Why is it that you consistently feel the need to inject yourself into this issue? What about your personality craves attention? Did your parents ignore you such that you were forced to consistently bug them for attention like a pomeranian humping somone's leg? Why, Curt?

Who died and made you the King of All Baseball Media? Was it the baby Jesus? If so, can I get a ruling from the Pope on this one?

Furthermore, where was all this outrage and willingness to throw players under the bus when you were testifying before congress on Steroids? Here's you, flapping your gums to Bob Costas on HBO:

"It goes to the Mark McGwire thing in Congress. I mean, I'm a huge Mark McGwire fan. But I just always thought it was very simple: If you did something and someone asks you if you did it and you didn't do it, you say no. Any other answer than no is some form of yes, isn't it?"

Here you were in your statement on Capitol Hill as part of your 2005 testimony:

I must also tell you, members of the committee, that I hope that a result of this hearing there is a better awareness of the steroid program recently implemented by Major League Baseball and its Players Association. That program, though certainly not perfect, and I dare say there is no such thing as a perfect testing program, is a substantial step in the right direction that appears, from initial statistics, to be having the desired effect—that is removing steroids from baseball. Statistics have shown that from 2003 to 2004 the number of players using steroids in the major leagues has gone from 5-7% to 1.7%. In fact, in yesterday’s New York Times it was reported that there were 96 positive tests during the 2003 testing period, and in 2004 that number saw a dramatic decrease as only 12 players tested positive. I see that as progress, I see that as a positive. It troubles me when I hear the program being identified as a joke, a travesty and a program not designed to rid baseball of steroids. I think those numbers show this to be a meaningful program, one that is working, and steroid usage is dropping. The Players Association, in an unprecedented move, re-opened the Collective Bargaining agreement for the sole purpose of strengthening the drug testing procedures, and its penalties. You may view the reopening of the agreement as a non-issue, or as one of minimal consequences, we don't.

Wait a sec. It doesn't sound like you thought it was a huge problem then and you felt that the Players Union had handled the situation with a great deal of responsiveness. Let us all remember that the first version of the steroid policy, of which you are speaking in this statment, really was a joke. And it wasn't until the players went on TV and were so transparently lame that public pressure forced the union to cave and give it some teeth. And why didn't you call "bullshit" on Palmeiro and McGwire when they went to Congress and ducked every tough question? HBO asked the same question.

Schilling said the circumstances of testifying caused him to be reticent.

"When you're sitting in front of Congress and you're under oath, you'd better be damn sure if you're going to mention a name that you are 100 percent guaranteed sure somebody did something," he said during the HBO interview.

This statement would be amazing coming from a normal person, but one must recall that you are simply a complete asshole . This is pure "cover your ass" activity from a guy who was there not to represent baseball and not even to pitchers who have to throw baseballs to 300 lb behemoths like Mark McGwire. You were there to represent the players union. The Globe had it right at the time.

Schilling denounced Canseco as ''a liar" and his book as a ''disgrace" and defended baseball's revamped plan to ban steroids as meaningful progress.

''The allegations made in that book, the attempts to smear the names of players, both past and present, should be seen for what they are," Schilling said, ''an attempt to make money at the expense of others."

Again, wait. Here you were defending the names named in the book, specifically McGwire and Palmeiro. WTF? Didn't you say that Canseco's MVP should be taken away because of what he said in his book? But in 2005 it was ok to ignore what was in it? And in 2007 it's all of a sudden ok to 'smear the names' of the same players? Fucking Douchebag.

Even before that testimony, you were predictably outspoken about steroid testing. But not necessarily in the way you'd think.

Curt Schilling says he and fellow players would be more than willing to submit to steroid testing as long as Major League Baseball owners had no role in the administering of tests.

"I don't trust the Major League Baseball ownership group to handle drug testing for Major League Baseball," the Red Sox right-hander was quoted as saying in a Hartford Courant story published Wednesday.

Aha. We have reached the meat of it now. I have it now. All along when Bud Selig was trying to change the policy the MLB Players Assoc. and basically used the "five D's of Dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge". They even asked for a larger share of revenue in exchange for "allowing" testing. You supported this all the way. You chipped away publicly in 2004 at the Baseball Owner Tyrants. In 2005, you went to Capitol Hill and promoted how "generous" the players association was to re-open the collective bargaining agreement to include testing - even though at the time, there was no penalty. You said nothing about who was doing steroids (you had to be 100% sure, right) and even attacked Canseco who has yet to be wrong about anything in his book. Now, it's 2007 you now think it's just fine to hammer everyone who's alleged to be involved in steroids, proof or no and oh yeah, let's just point out that Barry Bonds has a mistress again...

Curt Schilling, you are an opportunistic, self-aggrandizing asshole. Furthermore, in as much as you were outspokenly resistant to the kind of steroid testing that the Commissioner was trying to implement, defended the Union's first attempt at toothless testing and silent about abuse among the teammates you played with you are wholly complicit in creating the environment that allowed our national pasttime to be dominated by hulking muscle men and later bogged down by the minutia of who took what PED when. Now, you have the gall to stand up and flap your gums about steroids incessantly as if by some colossal mistake you were declared the voice of reason.

Shut up you complete idiot.

And what of Barry Bonds, who is undoubtedly a cheater and an easy target for an idiot like yourself?

When asked about Schilling's remarks before the Giants played the Atlanta Braves on Wednesday night, Bonds responded: "Don't worry, my day will come."

If I look into my mind's eye and imagine what the perfect "day (that) will come" looks like, it's this:

"AP - Anaheim - Last night, the Boston Red Sox faced the California Angels of Anaheim of Orange County and new DH Barry Bonds, who last year broke the record for most all-time homers and subsequently had 755 asterisks applied to his new record. When Boston Pitcher Curt Schilling stepped on the mound, Bonds left the batter's box, ran to the mound and proceeded to pull a Jeff Gilooly on Schilling beating him severely in the left ankle until he had a new bloody sock to match the famed right one. Bonds then proceeded to the Press Box to announce that he was retiring for good, that he had in fact taken steroids and that all his stats after the age of 34 should be wiped from the record books so we can all get on with our lives. Schilling immediately fedex-ed the left bloody sock to the Hall Of Fame and said that he was retiring to focus on geeky MMORPG called Schilling's World Of Suckcraft where every player must be Curt Schilling and points are accrued by giving press conferences wherein you mention the Baby Jesus. Sales in Boston are expected to be high. Schilling then gave interviews long into the night until the baseball writers chipped in on a box of donuts to get him to shut the fuck up."

Curt Schilling... You suck.

Schilling to have arm examined. Head examination still pending

Curt Schilling will have his arm examined with a precautionary MRI. We here at buzzingfridge would never wish injury on anyone. We prefer embarassment or if possible, humiliation. Get Well Soon, Curt!

p.s. I can't wait to read the breathless comments from your Red Sox Nation faithful at 38Pitches. What a bunch of dopey suckups.

Yankee Draft Analysis - Round 1

The Yankees went big with the first pick. Big upside, big risk, big kid.

They drafted the 6'10" Andrew Brackman from NC State. He throws his two-seamer at about 94-95 and can get his four-seamer up to 99. He also throws a spike-curve that has been described as "filthy". At 6'10", he cuts an imposing figure on the mound and has excellent athleticism for his size, having played basketball at NC State as well (click here to see him get dunked on big time in a game against UNC). This typically indicates that he'll be athletic enough to repeat his delivery and control his pitches. He has as good collection of pitches as anyone in the draft. His projectable "ceiling" is as a #1 or #2 pitcher.

So, why the hell were the Yankees able to get him in the 30th pick of the first round?

Three reasons. Inconsistent performance, rumors of elbow issues and Scott Boras.

His performance this year was up and down. His coaches have said that at times he was the "most dominant pitcher they'd ever seen". Other times, he'd struggle. It's possible that it's because this year is the first year he's focused on baseball and not played basketball. He's still raw and consistency may come with experience.

There were tons of rumors that Brackman has an elbow injury and may require Tommy John surgery. This would cause him to drop, realistically, as few teams can pay a guy big bucks and then wait a year for him to be able to pitch. The recovery rate for Tommy John is very very high these days so this risk is more short term than long. Had this been rumors of a shoulder injury, the risk would be much higher. The Yankees can take this risk and wait if needed.

Lastly, Scott Boras is his agent. He's famous for holding his guys out and having them pitch in the independent league (see, Stephen Drew and Luke Hochevar) and then throwing them back in the draft the following year if the team doesn't meet his price. Again, with the Yankees $$$, that shouldn't be a problem.

I think the pick is very risky, but the potential of this kid is huge. He really can be an Ace if all things follow to plan and that's what you want out of your first pick. I trust that the Yanks will get a deal done relatively quickly. Under the new Cashmoney-really-in-charge regime, they have been all about spending on the farm team. He'll slide in next to Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain and Dellin Betances as Yankee farmhands with ace potential.

But that's not even the best part (behind a paid subscription).

PinstripesPlus: Well why the Yankees? Why did you want to be a part of the Yankees so bad?



Brackman: Growing up in Cincinnati, I was born into being a Reds fan. But I would always have the Yankees hats and people would always say, 'why are you wearing that Yankees hat?'. There's always some haters out there that don't like the Yankees and I'd always say, 'what not to like, they're the best team in baseball'. That was always my answer. I never dreamed of playing for the Yankees or anything like that, but once I heard my name called, it was exciting. I hugged my mom, I had hugged my dad and my uncle - I can't even explain how I felt.

Gotta love it! The kid's already spent his youth telling Yankee Haters to stick it! He's the un-Schilling! You have gotten yourself at least one big time fan here! Get used to the haters, kid. They'll only get larger in number and dumber.

Surprise! Curt Schilling Sucks! Again!

When the ol' Google RSS Reader notifies me that Curt Schilling has graced the blogosphere with donut encrusted pearls of wisdom about his latest start, you know I click on over. His last start against Cleveland was outstanding. He goes into great length about re-discovering his split-fingered fastball. And believe me, my fantasy team is glad he did. He rocked.

But before expounding on that, he had some business to take care of.

First off two very important things to get out there.



Thank you to every man and woman serving in the Armed Forces of the United States. I thank God every day we live in a country founded on the principles and ethics that allow men and women like these people to live and WANT to serve here.



Second, Happy 10th Biirthday to my Daughter Gabby, and Happy 12th Birthday to my oldest son Gehrig!

The first part, I totally get. It was Memorial Day, after all, and that is a day to thank those who selflessly serve their country.

But the juxtaposition of this part,

live and WANT to serve here.

and this part

and Happy 12th Birthday to my oldest son Gehrig!

got me thinking.

See, it's not just his ridiculous sense of self-importance or his nickname of "red light" given for his love of the little red lights on TV cameras. It's not just his bible thumping mania or his hatred of the media members with out skill sets.

It's not this, which plastered my TV about 20 minutes after Curt was traded to the Sox for a pile of crap.



Or this, where he showed up at a Bruins game in a Bruins jersey and "Yankee Hater interlocking YH" hat (available at your local assholes-r-us) right after being traded and before he ever pitched in red, much less, bloody socks. Remember, this dude grew up in Arizona, went to high school and junior college there and pitched them to a World Championship before they shipped his annoying ass to Boston.

It's not that he wussed out on Capitol Hill in his testimony when it mattered and then hammered Barry Bonds because he felt like it.

Nope. The reason I hate the guy is that in
In 2004, he stumped for the Worst President Ever. Hot off his triumph over the Evil Empire, he went out and stumped for the biggest idiot without a village ever.

The Bush campaign immediately sensed a coup, shortly after Schilling closed his interview yesterday by telling GMA host Charles Gibson: "And make sure you tell everybody to vote, and vote Bush next week." The campaign posted Schilling's comments on its website and sent them out via blast e-mail to journalists all over the country.

The president called to thank Schilling, now a local hero after his two post-season performances in a bloody sock, covering a sutured ankle tendon that will require surgery to repair. Bush congratulated the pitcher and invited him to campaign with him today.

In fact, Curt even addressed this on 38Pitches, which is the only blog on the intertubes crappier than this one. Check out this rambling nonsense from a Q&A session.

Q-That being said, I have a bone to pick with you. I remember distinctly after the great ‘04 World Series win that you used the national publicity to campaign for George W. Bush’s presidential re-election bid.

A-Ok.

Q-We were told by the Bush Administration that Iraq possessed weapons of mass destruction.

A-Ok

Q-We were told by the Bush Administration that Iraq had connections to Al Quaeda and was partly responsible for 9-11.

A-Ok

Q-We were told by the Bush Administration that Iraq was attempting to build nuclear weapons.

A-Ok

Q-We were told by the Bush Administration that Iraq posed an immediate threat to the safety of the United States.

A-Ok

Q-We were told that we would be greeted as liberators.

A-I don’t remember this one but ok.
Q-All of the reasons used to justify invasion were untruths.
As a result of the US-led invasion of the sovereign nation of Iraq, it is estimated that 600,000 Iraqis have been killed and over 3,200 Americans have been killed.

A-I was always of the opinion that any country harboring terrorists, and backing the murder of innocent men, women and children as well as having a government that imposed it’s will on people who chose to freely speak anti-government or differing religous viewpoints could not claim themselves a sovereign nation.

Q-As a Christian, do you regret your enthusiastic support for a man responsible for unjustified murder and bearing false witness? If you could go back in time, would you once again campaign for Bush?

A-No I don’t. I regret that thousands of Americans, and many other men and women from the NATO countries, as well as the hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women and children of Iraq have died as a result of the war. That I regret for anyone that’s had to pay that price. I also am proud as hell to know I live in a country that produces men and women who will travel around the world, because their government says so, to protect the freedoms and lives of people they don’t know. What other country on this planet has answered the call every single time since 1945? You can make claims that there are atrocities in Dafur and elsewhere that are more deserving and I am not sure you could argue against that in some cases, but the fact is that the U.S. took the baton after WWII to act as the worlds police force, when no one else could, or would, and has done so since then. Not perfectly and not without mistakes for sure, but we’ve done it. The U.S. could have fought a one front war in 1941 and ended the war in the pacific much sooner in my opinion, but we entered the european conflict for many reasons. Had we not done so we might be running around in a world where the primary language was German or Russian.

First of all, What the Fuck is he talking about? Second, what an asshole.

Self-promoting-A-hole, Johnny-come-lately-Yankee-Hater-And-Red-Sox-Nation-Darling AND right-wing-christian-Bush supporter? That moment is when I knew that Curt Schilling was the person that I hated most in the world. In the words of Marshall Mathers, he was put here on this earth to destroy me.

Given all that and Curt's ringing endorsement of the soldiers who WANT to fight and his son's 12th birthday note, I posted this on 38Pitches.com.

Alas, the moderator didn't approve of my sentiment. I only hope that it's because he didn't want Gehrig to feel like he had to live up to his Dad's incoherent notion of US foreign policy when we're still in Iraq in 6 years.

I know what you're thinking. Why, Fridge? Why spend your time consumed with hatred for a millionaire Everquest nerd? Why parse the words of an idiot? Did I mention that he's seriously considering running for office when he's done with baseball? That it might even be in '08 for Senate in Massachusetts??

He must be stopped. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Schilling...

Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
Bluto: We're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: Let's do it.
Bluto: LET'S DO IT!

I'm just the guy to do it.

Curt Schilling Sucks... No really. He sucks a lot.

Jesus-Fucking-Imaginary-Christ! Can this guy just shut the hell up and play ball? Clearly not.

On the WEEI’s "Dennis and Callahan" radio show, Schilling was asked if fans should "hold their noses" while watching Bonds’s pursuit of the all-time record. Bonds is 11 from tying the all-time record of 755.

“Oh yeah. I would think so. I mean, he admitted that he used steroids,” said Schilling, according to the Globe. “I mean, there’s no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game, so I think the reaction around the league, the game, being what it is, in the case of what people think. Hank Aaron not being there. The commissioner [Bud Selig] trying to figure out where to be. It’s sad.

“And I don’t care that he’s black, or green, or purple, or yellow, or whatever. It’s unfortunate . . . there’s good people and bad people. It’s unfortunate that it’s happening the way it’s happening.”

Oh Really? Curt? You feel the need to inject your bloated ego into THIS, too? It's not enough that this steroid scandal has plagued baseball and dominated discussion for years such that I am so fucking tired of hearing the words "steroid" that I want to punch the face of any one who says it (noted exception: My doctor when he hands me samples of Nasonex - my allergies are much better and, ladies, let me know if you need two tickets to the gun show).

Curt. Please. read. this. closely. No one cares what you think. Nobody wants to hear you moralizing about this issue to your loving Red Sox fan faithful on Boston talk radio. This is especially true as you had many other teammates (Lenny Dykstra and Darren Daulton, for example) who have been linked to steroid use and yet receive no such rebuke from Saint Curt. When the same game you've used to make your living has been known to be littered with stimulants, which also need to be considered "performance enhancing" and could potentially help a certain 40 yr old fat pitchers get up for a day game after getting in late to the team hotel. When you, yourself have been publicly reticent to adopt testing? You're unbelievable.

Screw you, you sanctimonious idiot! Hammering Bonds, which he certainly deserves, is easy talk-radio fodder and just another example of how you pimp your self at ever opportunity. For the love of God, please stuff that bloody sock in your mouth.

The Prodigal Cy Returns

I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to like Roger Clemens. When the Yankees traded for him in 1999, sending David Wells, Graeme Lloyd and Homer Bush to Toronto for a man who was 36 and had won 5 Cy Young Awards, I had been trained for years to despise him. Clemens had just spent 15 years pitching in the same division as my beloved Yankees. He had beaten them countless times. He glared menacingly at opposing hitters. He yelled at umpires. He pitched up and in at my guys seemingly on a whim and certainly at a rate we did not deserve. And worst of all, in 1986 he dared to win the MVP award as a pitcher over my beloved Don Mattingly. Mattingly hit a Pujolsian .352 that year and played a sterling Gold Glove defense for 162 games. Clemens missed two starts and played in only 33 games. How can he be the MVP? It was a travesty! How could I root for a guy who was such a big jerk and completely jobbed my most favoritest Yankee ever for an MVP award? Impossible.

So, I resigned myself to watching the Yankees in 1999 and trying not to think about the fact that Clemens was pitching for my team. It really was a serious test of the Seinfeld joke that all sports fans do is "root for laundry". The cognitive dissonance I experienced was difficult to deal with. Apparently it was for Roger, too, as his ERA jumped nearly two points in 1999. I went into the off-season thinking, "Great, the Yanks got Clemens just in time for the old-and-broken down years. I get to watch him suck for my team instead of enjoying his downfall as I should rightfully be allowed to."

The 2000 season came and many thought that the amazing run of the 1990s was probably over. The Yanks had just beaten the Braves again to win the World Series, but the team was another year older and certainly would begin to break down. And seriously, who wins three WS in a row? There was a lot of talk that Clemens was a hanger-on in the 1999 WS and didn't deserve the ring that he got. He was, after all, the 4th worst pitcher on the 1999 team and was the first prominent Yankee player to get the "He's not a *real* Yankee" treatment. This logic would later be applied to Jason Giambi, Gary Sheffield and most effectively to Alex Rodriguez. The 2000 season would be the season where Clemens would put to rest any of that talk. Moreover, the 2000 season would be the season where Clemens would finally win me over.

The 2000 Roger Clemens was far more effective than the 1999 Roger Clemens. While Pettitte would lead the team in wins in his typically gritty, more-hits-than-innings-but-grinding-it-out-anyway style, Clemens was the Ace of the staff. In 1999, that was David Cone's job, but he completely fell apart in 2000. We'd later find out that he had a shoulder aneurysm that would end a fantastic career. Clemens took the ball in his turn and provided the kind of pitching you need from an ace. That was what you expected though from him. Certainly I'm not shallow enough that one year of decent starts and I'm Roger Clemens' love slave? Not quite.

The moment that he became a Yankee, at least in my opinion, was during the inter-league play with the Mets that year. Since it had almost occurred the year before, many people went into the season hoping for a real Subway series between the Mets and the Yankees. There was a lot of energy in the head to head matchups. There was even more energy after Roger Clemens hit Piazza in the head at Yankee Stadium.

The world exploded. Or at least, you'd have thought so if you listened to WFAN in NYC, specifically Fatso and Fruit Loops.

New York was at War! The glaring perennial Cy Young award winner had ruthlessly plunked Mike Piazza, who before then was best known to that point for 1) being the best hitting catcher of my lifetime (Sorry Johnny Bench) and generally a nice guy. 2) having killer sideburns. 3) being Tommy LaSorda's nephew and 4) controversial sexual orientation.

Piazza later put the #4 to rest by marrying a playboy playmate (seen at right) and baywatch beauty. But, the Clemens Piazza beaning dominated the NY sports summer that year. The rabid Mets Fans were ready to nail Roger to that stupid red apple in the outfield in Shea. And in defending the Yankees and Clemens from these foaming-at-the mouth-nutjobs that I began to grow to like him. It's that old "family" phenomenon. I can hammer Clemens, but you bastards can't because he's a Yankee. That was it. He was a Yankee. Yankee fans circled the wagons and flipped the collective bird to those whiny Met fans. Later that summer, the Yankees played at Shea and Green Tea Joe gerry-rigged the rotation so Rog wouldn't have to get beaned during every at-bat for the shocking transgression of hitting St. Piazza, patron saint of ambiguous sexual orientation. Other Yankees were hit, benches were cleared and golf tips were exchanged by disinterested players in the media-created melee that kinda-sorta ensued. Boy, those Mets are such tough guys!

That October, in a Hollywood like turn of events, the forces that be decided that more Clemens-Piazza hype was required. So they conspired to allow the Mets to join the Yankees in the World Series. Once again, Green Tea protected Roger by assuring that he'd not have to pitch at Shea by holding . Mets fans are kinda loony and are capable of doing anything to exact their revenge, from high powered rifles to Magic Loogies. After a matchup of gutty left handers in game one, Clemens took the mound in Game 2. The world held it's breath. What would happen when Clemens pitched to Piazza? Would he hit him again? He sawed off Piazza's bat on a foul ball and the barrel came rolling out to Clemens. Clemens, being prone to getting over-excited for big games, shockingly picked up the barrel of the bat and threw it toward the dugout. Piazza was jogging up the first base line on the foul ball and just about everyone wondered, "Did RC just throw that at him?" Even Piazza would admit that later he thought to himself, "Is this guy crazy?" I say no, that he was tossing the bat away in a kind of "Get this crap outta here!" manner. But it sure was weird. I loved it. The dude didn't obsequiously bow to the "Do Piazza No Harm" hype. He didn't pitch around the dude and worry about going inside! He went after Piazza, the Mets and absolutely dominated them for eight innings. After that, He was A-Ok in my book.

He'd go on to win another Cy with the Yanks the next year and pitch well for 2 years after that. Then came a retirement, three years in Houston and another Cy Young - 7 in all or nearly 1 every 3 years he's played. Unbelievable.

How will he do? Well, he probably won't pitch to an ERA in the 2-point-somethings that he's had in Houston. So, how much shall we discount that? I'm gonna give him 3.75 and 12 wins. More importantly he can provide stabilization to the most unstable MLB rotation in 2007, possibly ever. Please also note that he has been particularly dominant in the last two years. These years are different from the rest of his career because they are the first two of the short seasons that he's had. It's entirely possible that at 44 he's better suited to a short season than the full length season. It's also entirely possible that this is the season that his body says, "Enough of this, I'm going the way of Carl Pavano". It's unlikely though. With Roger Clemens, the Yankees have the potential to have as good or better a starting staff as any team in baseball - Clemens, Wang, Mussina, Pettitte and later, Phil Hughes. That includes the one that has Mr. 38Pitches.com, who has a very entertaining and rambling account about how they don't need the greatest pitcher who ever lived and even if they did, he wouldn't say so. Glad to have you back, Rog!

38pitches.com puts 38pimpslaps on Gary Thorne and pimps the baby Jesus

I know it's a few days old, and the freshness seal has definitely been cracked on this one, but here's my blow-by-blow breakdown of Curt Schilling's Blogger response to the "painted sock controversy"

Let's get ready to ruuuuummmmmbbbbblllllleeee!!!

Curt starts off huffy.

Take Gary Thorne, John, Jack Joe or whatever his first name is, Heyman, Karen Vescey, Woody Paige, CHB, Jay Marriotti, Bill Plaschke, and a host of other people that litter the media landscape, and put them all on an island somewhere.

Yeah, I hear Turks and Caicos is nice.

Instead of using the forums they participate in to do something truly different, change lives, inspire people, you have an entire subset of media whose sole purpose in life is to actually be the news, instead of report it. They have little to no talent at what they do and other than a mastery of the English language their skill sets are non-existent.

Got that media bitchez? Curt lifts people up with this bloody socks and crappy blog (not nearly as crappy as this blog, but still). Besides your skill sets are non-existent. And you certainly don't have the balls to throw a 3-2 changeup.

It was blood. You can choose to believe whatever you need to, but facts are facts. The 25 guys that were in that locker room, the coaches, they all know it. In the end nothing else really matters. The people that need to believe otherwise are people with their own insecurities and issues.

Here, Curt is speaking directly to me. It is completely true that due to my own issues and insecurities, I gleefully wallow in his dismay. In fact, I considered printing out this blog entry and rubbing the printed words all over my body. But, I was too afraid of paper cuts. See? Curt's so right about my insecurities. I am, however, not an Everquest Nerd.

The only problem I have is this. If you look back, from the day of game six in the ALCS, through today, you won’t find a newspaper article, radio or TV interview in which I offered the blood, the sock, the game, any of it, as a topic.

Again, Curt nails this. He made the humble, self-deprecating decision not to call a press-conference to promote his bloodiness. The fact that, for the next few months, he accepted every interview request ranging from the writers he slammed above to pimply faced teens with betamax cameras and a "TV Production 1" project due? Completely Irrelevant!

When I walked into the room for the post game interviews and offered up my first response to the questions about the game I basically said that the night was a revelation for me. That my faith in God that evening showed me things I’d never believed.

As I uttered those words I could see pretty much every person in that room roll their eyes and smirk. That’s not what any of them wanted to hear, truth or not. That was not good copy.

You're right. No one wants to hear about your looney superstitions. But, wait a minute.... Stigmata? Might the baby jesus have bit Curt in the ankle?

I’m still convinced that the sock from game 6 of the ALCS is in someone that works in the Yankee clubhouses home.

An incredibly awkward sentence aside, what Curt is saying is that some NYC bastard has his beloved bloody sock. This is a level of stalkerdom, only possible for commenters on 38pitches.com like this guy.

Remember this, the surgery was voluntary. If you have the nuts, or the guts, grab an orthopedic surgeon, have them suture your ankle skin down to the tissue covering the bone in your ankle joint, then walk around for 4 hours. After that go find a mound, throw a hundred or so pitches, run over, cover first a few times. When you’re done check that ankle and see if it bleeds. It will. There was less visible blood in game two because we recognized the amount of bleeding from the first game and Doctor Morgan put extra covering to stop the blood from running to the bottom of my shoe as it did the first game.

Did I mention that I am Curt Fucking Schilling? Did I mention that I'm completely badass in a Charles Bronson in a Death Wish 1 and 2 kind of way and not Death Wish 3 which was pretty lame and definitely not 4, which sucked? Did I mention that I piss lightning and crap thunder? (or is it the other way around?) Did I mention that all your skill sets are non-existent? And all your base are belong to us?

The saddest part in all of this is the following. Yesterday, as I was warming up for the game, I got to see a young kid, could not have been more than 20, who had served in Iraq. He was being honored by the Orioles and threw out the first pitch. He was a double amputee who’d lost the lower portion of both of his legs serving his country. He refused to use his cane and getting to see him do that was incredible.

Instead of finding this kid and writing a story that truly matters, something that would and could truly inspire people, the media chose to focus on a story that was over two years old and a completely fabricated lie. What a job.

I am Curt Schilling. After I kick your ass, I will wrap my loving arms around you. I will heal your wounds (not the double amputee, mind you, that's too hard). I will teach you to be good and humble like me. I will make you feel safe and warm. You don't deserve it because your skill-sets are non-existent, but baby Jesus said I have to.

By far the best thing about 38Pitches.com is...

... reading it after a game where Curt Schilling stinks up the joint.

Not the start I was hoping for. Walking off the mound I knew my FB command was crap, and that I’d need to get it right fast.

Oooh... Our intrepid hero is experiencing the trials and tribulations of opening day! Alas, it wasn't meant to be!

I never let us get into the game after the first. Every inning they pushed and I didn’t push back.

Luckily pudgy Curt has the folks at Red Sox Nation to pick him up! From the Comments on Curt's post!

CountZer0 says:

Give ya’ credit dude — posting that was probably one of the more difficult things you’ve had to do, huh? I don’t think if I had a day at work like you just had I would be writing anything about it — except maybe a few choice words I wouldn’t repeat in front of the kids. :-)

Peace and better stuff next time.

Yes, blogging is brave and dangerous work. Good job, Curt!

Redsoxgrrrl says:

Thanks for posting even after such a tough day for you and the Nation. Let’s all shake this one off and get back out there strong the next time. Peace.

Wow. Such great fans. She sounds perky!

The apparently mis-named Skinnyman2007 says:

Don’t worry Curt it is only the first game. Wednesday it will be Josh and then the Man Dice K takes the mound. How do you think Dice K will do Curt? Curt it is like being on a diet some days you are focused and some days you are not. I am the one on the nutrisystem diet. Curt will you and the rest of your team mates give me support Curt while I am on the diet. Could I get a baseball autographed by David Ortiz to keep me motovatied. Take care Curt and I will keep you and the rest of the team in my prayers as you travel on the road. Curt final question what is your favorite verse from the Bible and why?

From, Jeff

Uh. Skinnyman2007 Jeff? You're a fucking nut.

Vicksp, offering tactical advice, says:

I noticed you didn’t throw inside much. Maybe you could have taken a page from Pedro and got them thinking with a few more pitches inside. It seems to me he threw inside more when he didn’t have his best stuff. In any case, hang in there and get’em next time.

Yes, it's true Pedro did exactly that. This in fact is what makes Pedro a complete fucking douchenozzle. He's also been known to throw old men to the ground and have a strange fondness for midgets. I wouldn't exactly choose him for a role-model.

Fridge says:

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA