No alarms and no surprises, please.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

The mind of a five year old girl

vignette number one:

Interior: Fridge Household.

The family, including Fridge's Mom and Dad and brother and sister in law from Boston is discussing various topics when the subject of the Yankees comes up. Excited, five year old Emma chimes in.

Emma: Mommy loves the Yankees! Daddy Loves the Yankees! Grammy loves the Yankees! I love the Yankees! Gramps loves the Yankees! Jonny loves the Yankees! Uncle Nat loves the Yankees! Baby Colin loves the Yankees! Aunt Barb loves the Yankees!

Aunt Barb: (interrupting) Actually, Emma, I'm from Boston and I love the Red Sox.

Emma: (confused and a bit distressed) Well, how did you get into our family?

Fridge: We blame Uncle Nat.

Uncle Nat: She lied on the application.


vignette number two:

Interior: Fridge's kitchen.

Emma runs over to her Daddy, who is doing the dishes. She's excited and has her hands tucked inside her shirt, leaving her sleeves empty. She's using her hands to simulate breasts.

Emma: Daddy! Look! I have boobies and no hands!

Fridge: Well, why would you want boobies and not hands?

Emma: Because I like having boobies!

Fridge: I like boobies, too. But, hands are pretty awesome. That's how you draw such beautiful pictures, write in cursive.... all kinds of stuff.

Emma: Well, I don't need them.

Fridge: How are you gonna pick stuff up?

Emma: I'll get someone else to pick it up.

Fridge: (thinking to himself) "that's pretty much how boobies work"
Fridge: (actually out loud to daughter) I think you should stick with hands for now. Please take your hands out of your shirt.