No alarms and no surprises, please.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Sunday Morning Potpourri

Man, life is a funny, funny thing. It's Easter Sunday Morning and my kids are 10 minutes away in a small house with their Mom and her deadbeat boyfriend. This, of course, should make me sad, no? Why doesn't it. Why is it that I'm cruising around my house, listening to my "Sunday AM" playlist and dancing with my labrador (not exactly. But, when I get my groove on, she gets excited and hops up and down)? I mean, just a few posts ago, I was whinin' like a wussy to you folks (Nice job, BTW). What's on tap for today? A little blogging, going into my office to wrap up some stuff and then back home for some laundry, slippers, beer and taxes. Why the hell would I be excited about that? Dunno. But today, life feels good.

So, here's a Sunday AM, feeling happy, brain and link dump.

  • Ok, someone needs to shake the shit out of Hillary and tell her that her campaign has reached a quixotic pinnacle of futility and it's time for her to step aside. I'm totally available for such a gig.

  • LOST hurts my head. I love it truly, deeply and completely, but it hurts my head. That bad dude is gay? Michael keeps having visions of Libby? Who the hell sniped those folks at the end?

  • Kinetic Typography


    Nobody fucks with the Jesus

    I am merely remarking on the paradox of asking a masked man who he is

    Inward Singing


  • P-Krug says "I was right, bitchez"

  • Ok, let's say, hypothetically you're going through a divorce. Then let's say you're maybe a bit lonely around Valentine's Day. So, ok, you may breakdown and sign up for eharmony, because they pummel you with those insipid commercials with disgustingly happy people that make you sneer (when secretly, being disgustingly happy seems surprisingly appealing). Ok. Let's say all that happens. This is what will follow. You're fucking inbox will be spammed with approximately a googol of matches(remember that 'googol' is a number? This was before Google hi-jacked it and Googolplex, misspelled it and decided to take over the earth). These ridiculously numerous matches will do two things: They will fist undercut the key marketing differentiator of "matching on 30 something different criteria" - can there be instantly 30 something matches for a person on 40-whatever levels? Bah! You will call "bullshit"! and b) they will reduce you to a gelatinous glob curled in the fetal position, hiding from your gmail and quietly whispering "mommy..." You see, you're not ready for this. Not at all. You have shit to take care of. A lot of shit. It's shit that's best handled in a nice, neat, engineering-style linear fashion. You're lining up this shit that you have to do into nice manageable shitty dominoes that will fall predictably one after the other until all the shit is done. You can't actually be considering dating someone before you take care of all that shit, can you? Of course not. But, the matches won't stop. There's no respite. They keep matching and matching until you spend an hour plumbing the depths of the site looking for the goddamn "off" switch. You'll find it and sigh in relief, but it's not over yet. You'll get emails saying "Pricilla in Darien requests communication". Ack! What does that even mean? You'll pretend it didn't happen because when in doubt what you did in 5th grade still works great today. Then someone who "requested communication" will "nudge" you. This will be terrifying. Because it doesn't just mean that they randomly clicked matches and said, "wtf, lemme request some communication from this dork". They went back, took a second look and said, "Dude. I requested some communication from you and you blew me off. What the hell?" You'll waver. You'll look at their profile. Maybe they're a bit interesting. Maybe they really could be ok with all the shit you have to do and you would have enough left over to share with them. But, you'll know that you really won't have enough to do both. You know yourself and will realize that you're really better off starting this kind of stuff when you have time to really spend on it. And right now you won't. I mean, maybe it's Easter Sunday for godssake and maybe you're going into work, even if there's a significant chance you'll get canned on Monday. But, perhaps the fact remains that your last relationship suffered in part because you decided to put too many priorities ahead of it. You won't want to do that again. So, you'll keep your focus on your dominoes of shit to do.

    Just a fair warning, people. That's what's gonna happen.

  • This is what makes South Park one of the greatest shows ever. Can a show be disgusting, chilling, funny and a biting social commentary? Yes it can.