No alarms and no surprises, please.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Here's the thing about whether or not Tinky Winky is gay...

... Does it really matter? Poland thinks so. One question that comes to mind, and is not addressed in this article, is what would they do if they decided he was gay. Would they ditch the show? Run polish language disclaimer "Warnsky! Giantski Purpleski Queerski!"? It's a ridiculous exercise in my opinion and those polish guys ought to just relax and go back to making kielbasa.

Besides no need to get a team of psychologists on it. I've got the info right here.

I have to admit that I've come to the conclusion after watching far too many episodes of the Teletubbies that Tinky Winky is in fact as gay as a purple alien with no genitals can be. And it wasn't the purse that clinched it for me. Hey, he's european. Those dudes do funny things. Nope, it was the one where there's a ballet tutu that appears in Tubby land. All the tubbys take turns wearing the skirts. The two with feminine voices, Po and Laa-Laa, dance around and enjoy themselves. But the clearest message is in the treatment of the masculine sounding Tinky Winky and his polar opposite Dipsy.
See, Dipsy is all man, baby. Just check out the erect phallic antenna the dude is sporting. And Dipsy wasn't having any part of that freakin' skirt. No way, no how. The pushy broad Laa-Laa chased his ass all over Tubby land telling him he had to put it on before he finally relented. He put it on, took that shit right off and bailed. Dipsy's got a rep to protect.

When it was Tinky-Winky's turn, it played a bit differently. He put down his purse and his Streisand albums, put that tutu on and got down with his bad self. He was immediately set free from the rigid constraints of gender boundaries and frolicked through Tubby land like it was raining men. In fact, when it was Po's turn to wear the skirt, Tinky wasn't giving it up. Now that he had been set free, he couldn't go back to his old life of ill-fitting maleness. Still, sharing is important and eventually he gave it up.

Face it, people. Tinky Winky's here. He's queer. Get used to it.

Disclaimer: Yes, I know far too much about the Teletubbies. But, in my defense, when my son was 6-18 months, he wouldn't sleep and was inconsolably cranky. We were told this was "colic-like", which is pediatrician-ese for "we don't have a clue". The one thing he liked most at 2AM when he was cranky was Teletubbies ("Tebbehtubbies" he would say"). He grew out of that phase and the Teletubbies. But my beef with the show wasn't Tinky Winky's obvious gayness. It was the fact that they speak baby-talk. How the hell is my boy gonna learn to talk from listening to a bunch of baby-talking aliens?

Well, luckily we've moved on to Thomas and Sir Topham Hatt, aside from being hetero, has perfect diction.