Way back in 1988, Eddie Murphy was clairvoyant

Source:
--
Prince Akeem: Sir, did you happen to catch the professional football contest on television last night?
Cleo McDowell: No, I didn't.
Prince Akeem: Oh sir, the Giants of New York took on the Packers of Green Bay. And in the end, the Giants triumphed by kicking an oblong ball made of pigskin through a big "H". It was a most ripping victory.
Cleo McDowell: Son.
Prince Akeem: Yes?
Cleo McDowell: If you want to keep working here, stay off the drugs.
Prince Akeem: Yes.

Jonny Blogging

I do a fair share of blogging the wit and wisdom of my 5 year old daughter. Her 4 year old brother, affectionately known as "the boy", "Jonny Boy Be-Bop" (his sister gave him that one) and simply "JB" isn't the word smith that his sister is. He's clever in his own way.

Jonny: Daddy, you're funny!

Dad: Oh yeah? I'm funny?

Jonny (giggling): YES!

Dad (now doing the worst Joe Pesci ever): I'm funny how, you mean funny like I'm a clown?

Jonny (Laughing): Yeah!

Dad: I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?

Jonny: You're funny, poop-head! (runs up and punches Dad in the stomach and runs away laughing)

Dad (to no one in particular): That must have been in the director's cut.

Leave Tony Romo Alone!!!!!

He's a person! He's going through a hard time! After all he's been through!!!! WaaaaaaaahhhhHH!!!!

Carter Vs Carter

Cris Carter picks the Cowboys on Yahoo.com. Cris Carter disagrees, though. He picks the Giants on HBO.

Now, it's hard to get on Cris Carter, because he was a truly outstanding player. But, good FSM, that's stupid.

Movie Review - Shoot 'Em Up

Disclaimer: If you don't like stylistic, improbable violence, silly catch phrases and body counts nearing triple digits then stop reading now. This movie is not for you. If you're a fan of John Woo before he met John Travolta and came to Hollywood, keep reading.

This movie can be summed up easily: 1) Clever scene set-up. 2) Clever action sequence with lots of dead bad guys 3) Clever punchline. Now, do all that repeatedly for 90 minutes - but instead of doing it in a glossy, hyper explosive Michael Bay way, do it in a quirky, off-center indie film way. That's the movie. Want something even shorter? It's the bizarro Bourne Identity. Just as hyper-kinetic, but instead of gritty realism, you get loopy fantasy.

The plot is convoluted, improbable and superfluous, frankly. It's like a good porn script in that it gets itself out of the way quickly in favor of the action. All in all, I thought the film was good fun and has 4-5 sequences that are still pretty vivid in my mind several days later. This may be because of the performances of Clive Owen (the hero), Monica Bellucci (the perpetually lactating prostitute - so cliche) and the tasty villain, Paul Giamatti (one mean dude with glasses and comb-over). Oh yeah, and there's a baby at the center of this whole mess to heighten the sense of peril. It worked for me.

In short, this movie does for action films what Evil Dead 2 did for 80's horror flicks. It brings irreverence and fun to tired cliche. Want Art? Move on. Want Realism? Try the Discovery Channel. Wanna kick back with a few beers and watch a movie version of basically every first person shooter video game? This is it. I liked it.

Rating: 3 out of 5 possible couches.

Looks like I might need one of these today

http://view.break.com/421680 - Watch more free videos

OMG

I haven't had much time to blog nor much to say recently. In the absence of anything original, let me post this proof that Jesus Christ is our savior. Or at least he appears intent on saving this dog's ass. And yes, this is also in part a surly response to incessant cat-blogging.

The mind of a five year old girl

vignette number one:

FADE IN
Interior: Fridge Household.

The family, including Fridge's Mom and Dad and brother and sister in law from Boston is discussing various topics when the subject of the Yankees comes up. Excited, five year old Emma chimes in.

Emma: Mommy loves the Yankees! Daddy Loves the Yankees! Grammy loves the Yankees! I love the Yankees! Gramps loves the Yankees! Jonny loves the Yankees! Uncle Nat loves the Yankees! Baby Colin loves the Yankees! Aunt Barb loves the Yankees!

Aunt Barb: (interrupting) Actually, Emma, I'm from Boston and I love the Red Sox.

Emma: (confused and a bit distressed) Well, how did you get into our family?

Fridge: We blame Uncle Nat.

Uncle Nat: She lied on the application.

FADE OUT

vignette number two:

FADE IN
Interior: Fridge's kitchen.

Emma runs over to her Daddy, who is doing the dishes. She's excited and has her hands tucked inside her shirt, leaving her sleeves empty. She's using her hands to simulate breasts.

Emma: Daddy! Look! I have boobies and no hands!

Fridge: Well, why would you want boobies and not hands?

Emma: Because I like having boobies!

Fridge: I like boobies, too. But, hands are pretty awesome. That's how you draw such beautiful pictures, write in cursive.... all kinds of stuff.

Emma: Well, I don't need them.

Fridge: How are you gonna pick stuff up?

Emma: I'll get someone else to pick it up.

Fridge: (thinking to himself) "that's pretty much how boobies work"
Fridge: (actually out loud to daughter) I think you should stick with hands for now. Please take your hands out of your shirt.

FADE OUT

End of 2007 meme

I love memes. As this one is a reflective meme and my 2007 was, um.... interesting so this may not be the peppiest look back that you read. But here we go.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Started thinking about myself.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Nope. Resolutions are for suckers. Recipe for failure.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope. No new babies.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope. The Fridge circle had a zero population growth this year.

5. What places did you visit? I went to Maine. That's about it. Man, I loved it up there. Fridge needs a walden-esque cabin out there.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A significant other that's not bat-shit crazy.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? September 4th was my daughter's first day of kindergarten. That kicked ass. December 9th, which was a lousy day last year and this year was once again a shit sandwich from which I got to take a bite. I hate December 9th.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year? Seriously? My biggest achievement was holding it together and being able to provide a warm environment for my kids.

9. What was your biggest failure? I had a bunch, all tied for first. But, I'm not listing them. See, each of them was like one of those failed rocket launches of the 50's and 60's. Outstanding learning experiences. There's far more information in failure than success.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope. Nothing aside from a random virus brought home by my kids. Lucky!

11. What was the best thing you bought? My favorite thing I bought was Guitar Hero for the Wii. I love that. The best thing was probably my CPAP machine - a treatment for sleep apnea. Transformed how I sleep. I'm cranky when I can't use it.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My kids. Always far better behaved in public than I can believe, I am usually a very proud parent. Nice job, little guys!


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Haha... see #6.

14. Where did most of your money go? Mortgage, childcare.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The Arctic Monkeys. They appeared on my radar this year (a bit late, really) and I listened to their two albums constantly for weeks.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Blue Picadilly/Miss You by The Feeling.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter.
c) richer or poorer? Richer. And poorer. It's pretty complicated, really.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? I wish I had taken a legit vacation. I didn't though.


19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Pout like a whiny little nancy boy.
20. How did you spend Christmas last year? Um... awkwardly?

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? heheh. no.

22. How many one-night stands? None. But occasionally I spooned with a yellow labrador. Does that count?

23. What was your favorite TV program? Deadwood. I was pretty damn late to that party, but tore through those DVDs like they were going out of style. Cocksucker!

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2007? the dishes, I think, then I had a living room campout with my kids.

25. What was the best book you read? tie - The Conscience of a Liberal by Paul Krugman and The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? hey! I kind of already answered this question, didn't I? Well, I'll put number two "discovery". Critical darlings Kings of Leon. Their first two albums have been in rotation for months and months with no end in sight. Just a fantastic band.

27. What did you want and get? Guitar Hero. Total present to myself. Then I went out and pimp-slapped Tom Morello, Slash and Beelzebub. In that order.

28. What did you want and not get? A divorce.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Superbad.

30. Did you make some new friends this year? Yeah, a couple.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I can't think of one thing.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Haggar stain-resistant pants?

33. What kept you sane? My kids. Having to provide stability and structure for them helped me a lot

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Rachel Weisz

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Jeez.... This could be a top ten list. Waterboarding tapes?

36. Who did you miss? Dennis. Didn't see him at all this year.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Dan at work, who brought sanity to the QA department and kicks ass in many other ways.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. Having the the entire infrastructure of your life crumble isn't as debilitating as it sounds...

This is wrong. Totally wrong.

KITT is NOT a mustang. It's completely ridiculous that they changed it. First of all, it would be a perfect opportunity to re-introduce the Trans Am brand. Secondly, it's just freakin' wrong. KITT is not a mustang.

Don't click this link.

Don't do it. That is, unless you have an hour or more to kill. The link takes you to a very addictive and simple puzzle game written in html and javascript. The objective of the game is to progress from screen to screen. That's it. Find a way to get to the next screen. I spent an hour last night going the first 8 levels and believe me, I'll be trying to get to level 9 again when I have time. It's addictive. You've been warned.

Best Secret Santa Present Ever

I'd like to thank my secret santa (who remains anoymous) for giving me the best Secret Santa present ever. None of my co-workers are safe. I've been sniping monitors all day. And members of the Quality Assurance team ought to be especially conscious of their tone when suggesting they may have found a defect in my code.

I have to admit, I was a little bummed that I said I would join the Secret Santa this year, after I learned that our company would no longer do the "Yankee Swap", which I thought brought a lot of wonderfully unnecessary tension, greed and bad feelings to the exercise. But, now I'm glad I did. My desk is littered with Nerf darts and a bunch of other toys and my inner 8-year old is having a kick ass day.

Web Phenomenon Mix Tape

The uber-famous OkGO video remixed with the excellent Ben Folds song "army". It's uncanny how well it works.

Finish the Thought

Now THIS is an interesting blog meme. Tagged by Toast, I answer the bell.

I Never... say no when one of my kids asks me to read. leave an empty shopping cart in the middle of a parking lot. seem to catch up on my laundry. want my kids to be disappointed by me. expected to be where I am today.

I Rarely... let someone pass me in the breakdown lane. mean to come across like a dick when I do. think I'm not the smartest person in the room. am on time for work. Go to bed before I fall asleep on the couch. can get my daughter to agree to the first outfit I've chosen for her that day. know what the right thing to say is when a woman is upset

I Cry... when I think about my kids being hurt. when I look at the wreckage of my marriage. only when no one is around and even then for at most 30 seconds - I'm not a pussy.

I Am Not Always... as nurturing with my children as I should be. fair to my daughter, of whom I expect more because she is so capable. the smartest person in the room. as sure of what I'm saying as I sound.

I Lose... bluetooth headsets. on purpose most of the time when I play games with my kids. Pens and Pencils. my hair, very slowly

I'm Confused... when smart people watch CSI. by my wife. by smart people who are conservative.

I Miss... living above my pub. lunch-time setback with Toast et. al. at AMS. having a foosball table at work. Intimacy. My free time.

I Need... a vacation. Someone to go on vacation with me. new floors for my house. to deal with the fact that the time may be soon for my old dog to leave us. to know my kids will be fine. to drag my project at work to the fucking finish line. to eventually be my own boss.

I Should... go fold some laundry. get a dumpster brought here so I can toss half of the stuff in my house in it. push my son as hard as I push my daughter. push my daughter less than I do. give myself a bit more credit.

I Love... my children more than I thought was possible for me. reminiscing with my fraternity brothers. beer and buffalo wings. being the guy that everyone comes to for help at work.

I tag Manuel, who is the only one I could tag and my brother in the comments.

Rampant Steroid Speculation

I have long been bored with the never ending "steroids in baseball" story. However, at this point I'm ecstatic to talk about something other than where Johan Santana will end up.

Tomorrow, the Mitchell report will be released. The report will reportedly (heheh) name 60-80 former and current major league ball players. So now it's time for some wanton and reckless speculation - something of a specialty of mine. Here's the official Fridge Report of Steroid Speculation. The players are grouped into 3 categories - mortal locks, suspicious, shocking. There's also an implied 4th category - everyone else.

Let's go!

MORTAL LOCKS :
Jose Canseco
Barry Bonds
Rafael Palmeiro
David Segui (see how he got out in front of the report?)
Brett Boone
Brady Anderson
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Mark McGwire
Sammy Sosa
Gary Sheffield
Jason Grimsley
Jeff Bagwell

Review: Not much here new. Most of these names have either already admitted doing it or no one thinks they DIDN'T do Steroids

SUSPICIOUS: (here's where it gets interesting)
Pudge Rodriguez - I feel pretty good given his somewhat anomalous power explosion during his time as a teammate with Palmeiro
Juan Gonzalez - see above
Todd Hundley - rarely named, but done deal, IMO.
Jason Varitek - Sudden spike in power followed by precipitous drop in power right around testing change. Just saying.
Big Papi - Cut by Minnesota to perennial MVP caliber hitter?
Cal Ripken - I know, I know, but at this point we need to scrutinize statistical outliers.
Roger Clemens - See Ripken, Cal.
Pedro Martinez - It's not unheard of for a little frail dude to throw a ball 97, but it's also pretty damn uncommon.
Paul O'Neill - He was a different hitter after after the trade to NY. Why? Was it Don Mattingly's influence? or the Juice?
Jeff Kent
Matt Williams
Miguel Tejada
David Wells - fat drunk who can throw forever? Or juicing?

Review:
These are the guys that I find suspicious. Actually, I don't think Paulie was doping at all, but I had to throw Sox fans a bone, since I named three Sox players.

SHOCKING: (Seeing these guys named would freak me out)

Derek Jeter - That would be unreal.
Mariano Rivera
Greg Maddux
Tom Glavine

Review:
Those guys would shock the living crap out of me. Especially Jeter. That would rock my world and baseball as well. He's so hallowed, not just by Yankee fans, but by baseball and the media in general. That would be truly mind bending.

That's my list. What do you think? Anyone I missed? Anyone I'm dead wrong about?

Hip Hop Charted.

and another one:


All of them here. Having trouble reading? Click to embiggen.

The official Christmas Tree of BuzzingFridge

Credits -
Tree Selection - Fridge's kids
Lights and Star - Fridge
Decorations - Fridge's daughter
Sweet Thomas the Tank Engine train track around tree - Fridge and son

Can I get a ruling?

Just Bad? or So Bad it's awesome?



And, Holy Crap those guys have not aged well. They were amongst the ugliest bands ever when they were young. Now, they're old, bald, fat and ugly. Yikes. Luckily, they still rock.

Damn, I missed out on this bubble, too.

Celebratory Beer Blogging

In honor of the Giants amazing comeback road win against the Chicago Bears, I decided to blog the beer I am using to celebrate. The beer? Sam Adams Holiday Porter - 5.8% ABV.

The Bouquet: A deep whiff of the aroma of the poured beer reveals a chocolatey smell with hints of dark roast coffee.

The Pour: The beer sits dark and opaque in the glass. A deep brown nearing black. The head is a solid 3/4" tan foam. (Note: I forgot to take the picture BEFORE I drank a bit. But I was celebrating the Giants, after all)

The First Sip: My first reaction of the beer was a bit of surprise over how buttery the chocolate malts tasted, the first sip is smooth with a full-bodied warmth that coats the mouth. The finish is surprisingly peppery. In fact, it provides a very pleasant offset to the initial buttery chocolate favor and leaves the drinker with a clean, refreshed palate.

The Result: An impressive beer. While I was relatively unmoved by the previous two beers I drank from the Sam Adams Winter Sample Pack - Brown Ale and Old Fezziwig Ale - this is a very different porter than most I've tasted. The warm start and peppery finish is the perfect compliment to a cold winter day, a warm fire and a Giants comeback. Unlike other excellent Porters I've had (Otter Creek's very good Stovepipe Porter, for example) that are more aggressive with a sharper hoppy edge to counter the natural chocolate flavor of a porter, Sam Adams Holiday Porter takes a different approach. They make mellow the chocolate with a buttery evenness and therefore can be more subtle and offset it with the peppery finish. All in all, an excellent beer with high-re-drinkability. In fact, I'll be hitting my favorite package store to see if I can find this beer by the six pack or even a 12. Recommended.

Rating: 4.0 out of 5


Go Giants!