Movie Review - Blades of Glory

You may be wondering why I posted a photo of Pam from The Office for a review of a movie starring Will Ferrell. I did it because she's the only reason to watch this craptastic movie. To say it sucks is an insult to sucking. There's shit, utter shit and then there's Blades of Glory.

Pam, however, is called Katie in this movie and she's incredibly appealing in her Pam-ish appealing way. Then she puts on a bustier for one scene and she's appealing in another way. Yum.

Still, it's not enough to save this movie which is all premise and no punchlines. There's the obligatory cameo by a Wilson brother - I'll leave you in suspense regarding which one - but it's not a funny one. I laughed 3 times. The Two pairs skating routines from Heder and Ferrell and when Will Ferrell is skating with a touring kids show. Other than that, it was craptastic punchlines after craptastic plot twists on it's way to a craptastic denoument.

Why am I so bitter? Because they had me at "Will Ferrell". I love the guy. Frank the Tank and Ron Burgundy are classic comedy characters for me. His SNL days were gold. Even Talledega Nights was pretty good. Jon Heder is good too. Napoleon Dynamite is a unique classic, carried by him. This movie should be comedy gold, right? Still, my "this movie sucks spider sense" was tingling at the first trailer. Something was off. I couldn't even imagine the extent to how "off" it was. Strike One Will Ferrell! This is your "Harlem Nights". Couple more of these and I'll file you under "Eddie Murphy" and you'll be relegated to making the news when you solicit tranny prostitutes.

Please don't do that to me Will. I'm a bit vulnerable right now and I need you.

Rating: 1 out of 5 possible couches.*


* Why did I give any couches to a movie this craptastic? I did laugh three times and I'm one jaded mofo when it comes to comedy.

Dog Blogging

Take that, Cat Bloggers!

This is Remy, who joined the Fridge family almost 2 years ago. We brought him on board when a former co-worker of mine who was Remy's previous owner left the idyllic shores of CT to go work at some crazy startup named Google (doesn't he know this internet thing is waaay overrated? Terrible career move...). Remy's on the order of magnitude of 10-12 years old, but we can't be more specific - the carbon dating data isn't back yet from the lab.

He's a strange stew of Doggie DNA, but I was told he's part catahoula. The catahoula is the state dog of Lousiana, hence the Cajun name and the spots.

I like to think of Remy as "The Larry David of Dogs". This is to say that he's generally cranky and innappropriate, but there is something endearing about his annoying peccadilloes. I'm often reminded of the Costanza line from the Seinfeld episode - the Marine Biologist, "The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli".

Remy is our old man trying to send back soup at the deli. He's a notorious couch hog, and despite our best intentions, his breath always smells like he just ate tuna salad. He's likely to bowl my son over on the way out the door and god forbid any old ladies walk past my house, lest they feel Remy's wrath. He feels firmly entitled to being the #2 dog in our little pack - behind me and ahead of my wife, kids and our female yellow Lab. He's been known to knock over the occasional garbage can and once peed on a foam spiderman couch that my kids loved. In short, he's a little obnoxious at times.

All of these caused much consternation as he was integrating into our family. Now, I wouldn't change any of them because they're so "Remy". He's my boy. At the end of every night, he's staked out his postion next to me wherever I'm sitting and staring up at me with the "I love you, man!" face. Good boy, Remy.

Movie Review - Hot Fuzz

This is the latest film from the dudes who brought you the highly enjoyable Shaun Of The Dead. Where Shaun addressed the ubiquitous Zombie movie, this one goes after Michael Bay-style-buddy-cop movies.

They don't spoof these movies - this isn't the Airplane! or Spaceball of buddy movies. Instead, they rather religiously utilize the mandatory plot devices (odd couple buddy pairing, scooby doo style accumulation of evidence) and employ the stylistic cliches (this movie is very loud and with flamboyantly macho editing) that have been drummed into our brains for the last twenty years of films like Lethal Weapon, Bad Boys, Die Hard etc.

The result is a lot of great fun. Clever bits abound in a tightly wound script. The movie is self-referential in it's parody, as both of our buddies - Nicholas Angel, hyper-competent and successful London cop and Danny Butterman, lovable schlub local cop - draw their greatest inspiration from their two favorite movies: Point Break and Bad Boys II. Two, excellent choices, no? Enjoy!

Sidebar: Here were last nights trailers and my line-item thoughts.
1) Balls Of Fury - Ping Pong comedy. Christopher Walken. Looks funny.
2) Superbad - makers of 40 yr old Virgin make a highschool movie. Kid from Arrested Development. Looks Funny, too. But, can I get into high school movies?
3) 28 Weeks Later - Zombies! Bah...
4) Delta Farce - Ugh. "Blue Collar Comedy" dudes make a movie about stupid national guards dudes that accidentally invade Mexico when they are supposed to be deployed to Iraq. Is it unpatriotic to make fun of Guardsman and a war that is still going on?
5) Knocked Up - #1 in the "comedies Fridge wants to see" list. Here's why: Uber-Hot Katharine Heigl and the dudes from 40 yr old virgin. Funny trailer here.


Rating: 3 out of 5 possible couches.

Ebert still kicks ass!

Ebert writes here about going to his own film festival, even if he looks effed up.

I have received a lot of advice that I should not attend the Festival. I’m told that paparazzi will take unflattering pictures, people will be unkind, etc. Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. As a journalist I can take it as well as dish it out.

Damn Right Ebert!

We spend too much time hiding illness. There is an assumption that I must always look the same. I hope to look better than I look now. But I’m not going to
miss my Festival.

Kick ass, Roger!

That's awesome. Frankly, I've always loved this dude. For the longest time the late Gene Siskel and his show was my only link to upcoming movies. That's right kids, there was a time before Aintitcool.com or apple.com/trailers even existed. He's not like other film critics. You know the stereotype. The kind who thumb their noses at movies that are really movies and not 'films' (I'm talking to you, Steven Hunter). Siskel played the role of "snotty dude with thumb up his ass" (with charm and humor). Ebert is the easy-going dude who is not above enjoying something that isn't perfect. This is no art snob. The dude wrote Russ Meyer movies (Beneath the Valley of the Ultra Vixens is one example - click for a hysterically cheesy trailer NSFW), for FSM-sake.

I look at movies the way he does. Did I enjoy it comes first and foremost. All other nerdy and/or artsy-fartsy considerations come second.

And he's totally right that "we spend too much time hiding illness". That's the thought of the day that I'm gonna try and keep with me. Rock on, Rog!

YouTube Metaphor - Cliffhanger Yankees

Today's YouTube Metaphor represents the 2007 Last Place New York Yankees.

The Yankees are represented by Sarah in the clip and are in serious danger of falling to their deaths. Brian Cashman is our hero, Sly Stallone and is desperately trying to save the Yankees from this awful April. His next attempt at salvation is to bring up 20 year old Phil Hughes, known to Yankee fans as "The Next Roger Clemens" (hopefully not the Next Mark Prior). Yankee fans are represented by Michael Rooker (also a bit player in the sublime western Tombstone). And Sarah's climbing harness represents $50 million Kei Igawa.

In this scene, the Yankee fans (Rooker) are pleading for Cashman to save the Yankees (Sarah). The harness fails, causing a stuffed animal to fall ominously(WTF? Derek Jeter's Bruised thigh, maybe?).

You can guess the ending. Hopefully, the Yankees will go out and craft a new one. But I am thus far, very frightened. Hold me.

Quick Hits

- In the Pantheon of bad ideas, "Spiderman: The Musical" may deserve it's own wing. Seriously, WTF?

- Isiah Thomas declares the Knicks, "are the best 33-49 team ever assembled." Later, he declared the Bush Administration to be the best failed presidency ever.

- Ever wonder how the porn industry is dealing with the on-coming HiDef DVD sea change? Me neither. Here's a link to a CNet feature on it anyway.

- Dell says F! U! to Windows Vista. XP is once again available on new Dell PCs. Additionally, here's a report that Michael Dell himself is running the latest version of Ubuntu Linux on his personal machine. They're also offering Linux as an option now. Fascinating. Clearly, the shipment of Microsoft Kool-Aid was lost in his mail. I downloaded Ubuntu and I'm planning on setting it up as a internet PC for my daughter. She loves her some Noggin.com. I'm also hoping to write up a post on my first Linux experience.

- LaDainian Tomlinson turned down the Madden Cover. The Madden Jinx is now on Vince Young. Sorry Vince. Couldn't we put it on Donovan McNabb?

Movie Review - Children of Men

There's already been a lot said about this film. I'm about to add my two cents. I'll skip revealing most the intriguing plot points but I will reveal the main concept behind Children of Men. In the future, there won't be any. No children. None. See, a few years from now, humans lose their ability to procreate. So that by 2027, when the film is set, the youngest person on the planet is 18 years old.

Now *that* is a dystopian future, my friends. Just imagine the implications of that for a minute. Every day, there's fewer people in the world than the day before. There's no future for humanity beyond the current generations. Eventually, there really will be a "last man on earth". Basically the backdrop for the plot is a world drowning in an ocean of nihilism and really not handling it very well at all. There's a scene early in the movie where the main character "Theo" (played by Clive Owen) is riding the train to work and there's a little propagandistic commercial shown on the train showing the chaos in other countries (including a mushroom cloud in New York City) finally with the slogan, "Only Britain Soldiers On!", which begs the question, yet leaves it unanswered, "On to what?"

That's what I found most fascinating about this movie. Alfonso Cuaron created a world where there really is no reason to give a shit about anything. Some folks amble around performing their daily routines while mourning the loss of humanity's future. Some rebel and throw rocks at the trains carrying people to pointless jobs. The people get off these trains and carry their coffee cups past cages filled with illegal aliens being deported, but don't look at them (there is an irrational fear that immigrants brought this infertility disease to Britain's shores). There are advertisements on billboards and TVs throughout the movie, advertising age-defying medicines, as if that will stave off the inevitable and still others for narcotics to numb your brain to a terrifying reality.

The movie's message is simple: humanity needs future generations. It needs the continuity of the human race and it needs hope. And Theo especially needs hope. He's experienced loss beyond that which he shares with humanity and as the movie begins Theo is an empty shell. The movie is about Theo finding a reason to hope. And with that reason, Theo finds a way to give a flying fuck about life again.

The direction itself is amazing, and is filled with gritty documentary-style realism and amazing long single-camera-no-cuts sequences, including one that is shocking and memorable. It makes a rather fantastic premise frighteningly tangible. Cuaron is quite a filmmaker.

In short, I loved this movie on so many levels. It has something to say, and doesn't beat you over the head with 3 minute soliloquies to say it. It's truly fantastic.

Rating: 5 out of 5 possible couches.

Hump Day - Must See PCTV

Alanis Covers Black Eyed Peas "My Humps"


"I don't need a condom"


All-girl chorus sings "Smells Like Teen Spirit"


The only individual song I've bought on iTunes - Teenage Dirtbag


CNN on Atheists - Here's a tip. When Stephen A. Smith is the voice of reason, it's a bad sign.


I thought Bananas were the Atheist's Worst Nightmare, but apparently Peanut Butter is.

Good News, Democratic Party!

"Vice President Dick Cheney says he is "willing to bet" that Democratic lawmakers will back down and approve a war-spending bill that doesn't call for U.S. troops to leave Iraq."

This, from the man who brought us the following:
- "We will be greeted as liberators."
- "Saddam has reconstituted nuclear weapons."
- "It was pretty well confirmed that Mohammed Atta met with Iraqi Intelligence."
- numerous others, too many to catalog here.

This dude is wrong about everything. So, we can expect the Dems to stick to their guns and the wishes of the American people and do the opposite of what he says. Go Dems!

Truly Shocking News

Paul Wolfowitz has a girlfriend. Oh yeah, and there's some other crap about improper promotions and raises given to her while he was running the World Bank.

She must be into ears.

Quick Hits

- In case you're not familiar with "case modding", it's putting the guts of PCs in weird containers. I've seen cool mods with retro wooden radios, pianos, all kinds of neat furniture. I've also seen them with retro toys like GI Joe hover crafts and the Millenium Falcon. This is not either of those. This is far stranger and more disturbing. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you COMPUBEAVER.

- Is it coincidence that the uniform number that is sweeping across major league parks this Sunday (subscription req'd) and the answer to the great question of life are both 42? I think not. It may in fact be the greatest evidence I've heard of intelligent design.

- If you waste your time watching only one thing today, please let it be this installment of "Chatting with Charley" from GodTube. In it, he explains all the ways that a regular bird couldn't possibly evolve into a woodpecker. I love this guy. And I especially love how he's checking out an oscilloscope right when the video starts and then he says, "Oh, Hi!". I may have to ask my IT department to block GodTube.

- The Opera-based Browser for the Wii is out of beta and free. I love my Wii.

- In a momentous event in science and evolution, we now know what a Tyrannosaurus Rex tasted like. Pretty much like everything else, they tasted like Chicken.

- Cross your fingers for me, people. Otherwise, I may increase the number of nailgun related injuries for weekend-warriors to 37,001. Seriously, the nailgun is to do-it-yourselfers as wireless internet is to laptops. Once you get it, you'll never go back. I have a ridiculous amount of finish work to do at my house and I never want to pick up a hammer again. Best 200 bucks I've spent. This week, I'm trimming the basement! Then I can put all my kids toys down there and stop stepping on fucking Thomas the Tank Engine!

Meme - Because we all like to answer silly questions.

Beats workin...

1. How tall are you barefoot?
5'10", I think.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
No. What the hell kinda meme is this?

3. Do you own a gun?
Not yet. Taking my safety course at the end of the month and then I'll get my permit.

4. Who's your best friend?
Toast

5. Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"?
Yes, I did. I know them now to be really nice and harmless in one instance and a laughable dope in the other.

6. What music are you embarrassed to admit that you listen to?
George Michael, I have three of his CDs.

7. What's your favourite Christmas song?
O, Holy Night!

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee. Starbucks Sumatra or Dunkin' Donuts Hazelnut.

9. Can you do push-ups?
I haven't tried one in 20 years. So, I'll say yes, definitely until I have to prove it.

10. Why does one question always disappear?
It's off with those missing socks.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
Wedding ring.

12. Do you like painkillers?
Analgesics yes, narcotics no.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Sense of humor. And Roofies.

14. Do you own a knife?
Lots of them. Everything from swiss army to butter to filet, to chef's.

15. Do you have A.D.D.?
Don't think so.

16. Middle Name?
John

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
I have to get my emissions done. This meme is long. I want thai food for lunch.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
Coffee. Bagel. Gas.

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Coffee. Water. Beer.

20. What time did you wake up today?
6:10 AM

21. Current worry?
The weather for tomorrow when my wife flies to Gullyfoonia. Snow? (ahnold accent)

22. Current hate?
I hate it when my dog wakes me up when he barks. Retarded old fool!

23. Favourite place to be?
Disney World.

24. Least favourite place to be?
Pooperscooping my lawn.

25. Where would you like to go?
Beaches resort in Turks and Caicos.

26. Do you own slippers?
Suede LL bean moccasins.

27. What shirt are you wearing?
Uh, a red short-sleeved oxford style shirt.

28. Do you burn or tan?
Burn, baby, burn

29. Favorite colour(s)?
Blue and White

30. Would you be a pirate?
No. You know, it sounds cool. But, isn't it really a sausage party with a bunch of smelly unkempt dudes? I mean, real pirates didn't look like Keira Knightley.


31. Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
Drank way too much at Easter. Whiskey Sours are the official holiday drink. Ouch.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
Usually, whatever theme music is piping in from my kids TV shows. Thomas, Noddy, Jay Jay, Dora, The Wiggles. I know them all.

33. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Aliens. Close Encounters fucked me up.

34. What's in your pockets right now?
Keys. Wallet. Phone.

35. Last thing that made you laugh?
This morning, my daughter told me, "Hey, you learned to drive fast like Mommy! Good Job, Dad!"

36. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
NFL sheets with all the logos of all the teams.

37. Worst injury you've ever had?
Sprained ankle. My doctor told me I basically have no ligaments on one side and no cartilage. Hurts like a bitch when I walk all day on it.

38. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Three.

39. Who is your loudest friend?
Sameer. Fucking dude never shuts up.

40. Who is your most silent friend?
Manny.

41. Does someone have a crush on you?
I'm pretty sure Salma Hayek has her eye on me.

42. Do you wish on shooting stars?
I've done that twice. Once with my wife. Once with my daughter.

43. What is your favourite book?
Geez. That's tough. I don't really have one particular favorite.

44. What is your favorite candy?
Cadbury Mini-Eggs.

45. What song do you want played at your wedding?
We had Louis Armstrong, "La Vie En Rose".

46. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I'm gonna let Toast DJ and we will have kegs of beer and buffalo wings. No somber crappity-crap. Hairbands and Headbanging!

47. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
Sleeping.

48. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
"Yes, Jonny, I will get you a glass of milk."

I don't get it: Does that mean I'm a racist?

Hang Imus!

Really? Do we have to? I mean, Atrios in particular is on the warpath. He's been beating the anti-Imus drum for a couple days now. I don't get it. Does that mean I'm a racist?

DISCLAIMER: I certainly understand how what Imus said was incredibly offensive to those girls. I get that. I just don't understand why we're all obssessed with it.

My parents have listened to Imus since WFAN was WNBC and still listen to him. By osmosis, I've become somewhat of a reluctant Imus expert.

Imus' highly tedious radio/tv gig is based on him being incredibly surly his producer Bernard McGuirk being incredibly politically incorrect, Charles McCord being straight man to all this and a bunch of talking heads and politicos making each other laugh like the tiresome boys club that they are. What he said was completely in line with the rest of the show. They offend everyone.

I can see why the girls are offended. But, he's said as bad or worse about lots of folks. Now, we have to get rid of him? Now? Because he offended those athletes? He's offended lots of people. Why now, do we get rid of the guy? For the 25-30 years that I've overheard my folks listening to him, he's had a running joke where they'd have a Teddy Kennedy impersonator go off on a rant, only to cut him off with the sound of a car crash and the sound of a girl drowning. That's offensive too. He's made fun of many black icons before, too like Mike Tyson, Oprah and Jesse Jackson in lots of racially insensitive ways. But now it's gone too far? Why? What's especially offensive about this?

I don't know. Maybe I'm not offended because I see the guy as an antiquated relic. Maybe he's just not relevant to me and my world view. Just like I knew that people watched Hunter for the 7 years it was on, but I just didn't know any of them. He's a cranky old coot. He's the old dude shaking his fist and yelling, "Get off my lawn!" He's tedious and self-involved. Just listen to someone else.

What's the 411?

Google is the 411.

To try this service, just dial 1-800-GOOG-411 (1-800-466-4411) from any phone.

Check out the page, there's little to it. I don't have much to add, except that this is yet another place for Google to pimp their "sponsored results". And, since it won't cost $1.25 (What I believe verizon wireless charges for 411Connect) a shot and has the Google brand attached, I bet people will use it. As always, quality of results is king, but I had no problem googling my place of business - I just programmed that number into my cell phone.

NB: ONLY FOR BUSINESSES. Not White Pages searching. Bummer.

Verizon's gotta be cranky.

Movie Review - Beerfest

This movie should have been great. Really, a sports spoof based on drinking games? Genius.

But, something is lacking that keeps this movie from being great. To elaborate, let me use today's most overused rhetorical devices. The self-interview:

Is it funny? Mostly.
Are there naked hooters? Absolutely!
Is there a grandma doing strange and unspeakable things to a sausage? Yes.
Is there an extremely memorable beer goggled hookup scene? Damn right.
Do they masturbate frogs? Yeah, but that's so cliche.
Did you learn about something called a "strikeout"? Yep. Apparently, that's doing a bong hit and then chugging a beer and doing a shot before you exhale.
Why didn't you love it? That's the hardest question to answer. This movie had lots of great bits, but for a sports movie to really work, you need to have entertaining villains. The German team (always a good ethnic choice) was truly annoying. Their was this quality of over-acting in each of their performances. I just hated whenever any of them were on the screen. They ruined the movie. Plus, they shoehorned Jurgen Prochnow into the movie, apparently just so they could have him say "I had a bad experience in a submarine once." Get it? He was in Das Boot! Problem is, Jurgen Prochnow is not funny. That side of the movie didn't work and that's where I think the movie failed.

So, you're better off watching this one on cable, or even just checking out the YouTube clip below.



Rating: 2.5 out of 5 possible couches.

Quick Hits

-- Fuck you Kanye West. I have both The College Dropout and Late Registration. Both are great albums. But, seriously, do you need to credit every performer that is on every song? See, each of these shows as a different artist on my iPod. Two albums = 18 artists. That's annoying, bro. Next album, all "Kanye West", please.

-- The first time your three year old son says, "Daddy, I want to go to the potty." from the back seat of your car is fantastic. I am a proud Daddy.

-- Someday the Yankees will get a decent starting pitching performance. At least I'm pretty sure that will happen.

-- I hit my favorite package store (Connecticut-ese for Liquor Store) and grabbed Thomas Hooker Hop Meadow IPA and a belgian amber whose name escapes me. The Hop Meadow was too Hoppy even for me and the belgian was waaayyy too malty. You can't really mix them either. This clearly is the weakness of trying new beers.

-- From God Tube: Chatting with Charley. In it, you will see Charley answer the question of how a kangaroo could hop from Turkey, where Noah "turned it loose" all the way to Australia (Spoiler: Ice Bridges). And that a llama and camels are the same species. I'm addicted to GodTube.

-- Apple shipped 100 million iPods. Holy crap that's a lot. Who doesn't have one that wants one? Sell your Apple stock, people.

-- I don't know anything about Sanjaya or why people are so interested in the fact that he's still on American Idol. But, I like his sister. (WARNING: MUTE YOUR SPEAKERS OR BE SUBJECTED TO ANNOYING HINDI MUSIC).

Math Nerds love the Yankees

At least, this one does.

He predicts 110 games based upon a mathematical model that he's created. 109 more to go to prove him right. You can see the full predictions here.

It is far more likely, in my opinion, that the model accounts for injuries, complacency or A-Rod screwing it up, i.e. things that might derail an extraordinary acheivement of winning 110 games.

I do find it interesting that his model does find very few other exceptionally good teams. That would support Toast's assertion that the Yanks will win it all this year.

Today, a mistake will be undone.

I couldn't be happier about this. Today, Andy Pettitte returns to the New York Yankees. He never should have left. Intellectually, I understood it. The Yankees were afraid of his elbow. As it happened, they were right. Pettitte missed time to elbow surgery in his first season away from the Yanks. But after that lost season, Andy has been his typically durable self, pitching more than 200 innings in each of the last two seasons. Despite their well-founded concerns about his elbow, the Yanks offered Pettitte more money to stay in New York and he instead took less and went home to Houston. I understood.

Still, it hurt. See, to me, that was the true end of the Yankee Dynasty. Losing Paul O'Neill and Tino was one thing. They were older and declining. Tino later returned and Paulie went to the booth. But Pettitte was there at the start of all of this run and left to go somewhere else. I couldn't stand seeing him in Houston. To me, he's as much a Yankee as Jeter, Mattingly or Mantle. Those guys aren't supposed to leave their teams in their primes (32) and play somewhere else. Those guys stay in pinstripes their whole careers.

He came up in the summer of '95 when I had just graduated from RPI for the second time (long story) and had decided to blow off my nice new shiny mechanical engineering degree and open a bar with my Dad (another long story). So, while I waited that summer for the SBA to approve our loan and the complicated transaction to purchase our bar to go through, pretty much all I had was the Yankees and their rookie pitcher Andy Pettitte.

I loved the guy instantly. My Dad? He didn't see it (he has since come around). He'd say, "That guy you like tonight is pitching. What's his name? No control." I'd say, "I dunno why I like him. He just battles." He just battles. That is the essence of Andy Pettitte. Stat heads sneer at Pettitte and his legion of fans. The look at his career of giving up more hits than innings, walking too many batters and striking out too few and they chuckle. "Stupid Yankee homers! Andy Pettitte is soooo overrated. People just think that he's good because he plays for the Yankees."

Those people are wrong. He's not just good because he plays the Yankees. The Yankees were also good because of him. Many players have put on the pinstripes. Many of those have been chewed up and spit out despite the back of their baseball cards (see, Rodriguez, Alex). Not Andy Pettitte. He just battles. To me there's just one set of stats that truly represents the dude. 186 Wins, 104 Losses in the majors. 43 wins and 20 losses in the minors. The man is a winner (see? Nomaas.org's above photoshop even says so). Again, Stat Heads shrug their shoulders about how meaningful wins are, as there are obviously many factors that lead to a pitcher's victory. This, of course, is true. I'd also say though, that when your professional baseball record is 16 years long (minors and majors) and your record is 229-124, that is also statistically significant. And there are enough Jeff Weavers, Jose Contrerases and Kenny Rogerses in baseball to show that it's not as simple as just putting on the pinstripes.

The signature moment for Pettitte came in 1996 in Game 5 of the World Series. He started game 1 against the Braves at Yankee Stadium. He was terrible, gave up 8 runs and the Yanks never had a chance in that game. They lost game 2 in similar fashion. Things were not going well. A clutch performance from David Cone in game 3 followed by a miracle Jim Leyritz homer in game 4 tied the series. In Game 5, a rematch of Game 1 Smoltz and Pettitte. Smoltz was simply too much for the Yankees. He had won 24 games that year and would later receive the Cy Young award. Andy Pettitte had completely fallen apart in Game 1. Smoltz would not let his team down. He strikes out 10 Yankees and gives up only one unearned run due to a error by Marquis Grissom. In all, he should have been the World Series MVP, but to do that your team needs to win. They didn't. That's because Andy Pettitte put the Yankees on his back that night and was just one unearned run better than John Smoltz. For 8 and 1/3 innings, he shut out the Braves to beat them for the third straight time in their park. A truly herculean performance. He battled. He entered the Yankee fans hearts and never left.

Welcome back Andy.

Updated: Rain out. D'oh! Should have just entitled the post "a mistake will be undone".

By far the best thing about 38Pitches.com is...

... reading it after a game where Curt Schilling stinks up the joint.

Not the start I was hoping for. Walking off the mound I knew my FB command was crap, and that I’d need to get it right fast.

Oooh... Our intrepid hero is experiencing the trials and tribulations of opening day! Alas, it wasn't meant to be!

I never let us get into the game after the first. Every inning they pushed and I didn’t push back.

Luckily pudgy Curt has the folks at Red Sox Nation to pick him up! From the Comments on Curt's post!

CountZer0 says:

Give ya’ credit dude — posting that was probably one of the more difficult things you’ve had to do, huh? I don’t think if I had a day at work like you just had I would be writing anything about it — except maybe a few choice words I wouldn’t repeat in front of the kids. :-)

Peace and better stuff next time.

Yes, blogging is brave and dangerous work. Good job, Curt!

Redsoxgrrrl says:

Thanks for posting even after such a tough day for you and the Nation. Let’s all shake this one off and get back out there strong the next time. Peace.

Wow. Such great fans. She sounds perky!

The apparently mis-named Skinnyman2007 says:

Don’t worry Curt it is only the first game. Wednesday it will be Josh and then the Man Dice K takes the mound. How do you think Dice K will do Curt? Curt it is like being on a diet some days you are focused and some days you are not. I am the one on the nutrisystem diet. Curt will you and the rest of your team mates give me support Curt while I am on the diet. Could I get a baseball autographed by David Ortiz to keep me motovatied. Take care Curt and I will keep you and the rest of the team in my prayers as you travel on the road. Curt final question what is your favorite verse from the Bible and why?

From, Jeff

Uh. Skinnyman2007 Jeff? You're a fucking nut.

Vicksp, offering tactical advice, says:

I noticed you didn’t throw inside much. Maybe you could have taken a page from Pedro and got them thinking with a few more pitches inside. It seems to me he threw inside more when he didn’t have his best stuff. In any case, hang in there and get’em next time.

Yes, it's true Pedro did exactly that. This in fact is what makes Pedro a complete fucking douchenozzle. He's also been known to throw old men to the ground and have a strange fondness for midgets. I wouldn't exactly choose him for a role-model.

Fridge says:

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA